Do I want these things?

As Daddy and I were recently talking ,He wondered if I wanted these things:

I’ll admit when I got married the first time I  didn’t get most of these things. No ring, no beautiful wedding, no honeymoon. But I also didn’t get married for love. Things with Daddy are much different, I took my time to make sure He is the person I really wanted in my life. I didn’t rush into anything. I do want a future with Him. Question is, do I really need all those things, or just exist peacefully under the same roof with the man I love and that would be enough?

I gotta say, I never saw myself getting married again. But the idea of marrying someone who loves me, wants me in their life for more than just sex is wonderful! We have tons in common. I want to serve Him. I love our family. We just fit together perfectly. It works so well without the ring,wedding, marriage now…

Ahh , but the romantic in my soul sees all the things I’ve never had and wants them! As long as He does! It would be nice to have something wonderful with Him, as long as He feels the same way!

So there’s your answer Daddy❤️

As my mind wanders

The drive was a long one, but worth it. I found something for Daddy’s birthday and I really wanted it! The store near me didn’t have it, so they gave me the closest store, it was far, but I know I’m going! Took the boys with me! girls were doing other things, Daddy was busy, so off we go…

As we drive thru a part of the next town, we were in the area of 4 homes we had lived in. My mind started going fast like a movie, it was scenes in each home and how violent our lives were back then. It was my ex, the monster. He hides it so well from the world, but underneath he’s really a big piece of shit, as far as human beings go. No one who meets him thinks he’s capable of all he put us through, but we aren’t crazy, and we did survive.

The fighting, yelling, hitting, bruises, screaming, and tears. How each of us suffered ( me and 3 kids). We were lost, and never thought it would stop. But I didn’t know the memories were still there, not all of them. Plenty were blocked. My boys started remembering how bad our lives had been. If you ever believed in zombies, well that was the four of us once separation set in. I will never know how I got out, I just knew I needed out. I’m still alive!

None of us had any idea how to do this life, figure out this world. I was the leader, so it felt up to me to make the first move. 

* Side note* when you are trying to get free from a sociopath narcissist nothing is easy, after 8 years we all still have some fear of his wrath. We know what he’s capable of, you have no idea.

Today is a new and wonderful time in our lives. We made it out of hell. Well most of us, three of us to be exact. One is still stuck by a parenting plan, but plz sweet girl hang on, I’m trying to save you. I really am. I need some hope, so does she.

The only hope we have really have, has been since my Daddy started taking over my life. I was this shell of a person, He showed me things I’ve never seen before. He treats me as I’ve never been treated before. I’m always grateful that even if we disagree He still loves me, He doesn’t hurt me mentally, emotionally, physically.He wants me to be fine. But I don’t think He has any idea how days like today make me happy that He’s here for me and the kids. We aren’t scared. Well a little maybe, but my ex is to scared himself to hurt anyone of us, since Daddy is the first man that ever wanted to stay. I feel protected,safe. We all have someone to go to now, cops never did a good damned thing to save any of us, neither did the courts.

I remember the first time Daddy stayed the night, actually for the first so many months I wouldn’t sleep much. I was so afraid He might try to kill me in my sleep, as my ex had tried so many times. I learned to not sleep, so I could stay alive. Now I sleep better when Daddy is in bed next to me, it’s the best sleep I’ve ever had! Thank you Daddy! You will never know what this means to me, that I can trust you so deeply. No one ever spent the night in my bed before, because of fear. They weren’t allowed in my home, cuz of fear. No guy near my kids , again cuz of fear. 

We were very fucked up, maybe we still are to some degree. Once Daddy arrived, I think He saw the damage, but I don’t think even now He fully gets the extent of the violence, maybe He does. I’m thankful that He doesn’t want to talk about it. He knows some, enough to know we are thankful He is in our lives. Weird thing is, we had cried to Him ” please don’t let the asshole hurt us”. I’m not sure what this does to Him when He hears our pleas. 

How does He feel about our pleas? Does He feel keeping us safe could get dangerous? How does He process all the violence we have all been thru? Does He even realize how much we owe Him for the safe feeling we have now? 

This family finally feels complete. We have a protector in our lives. If you’ve never been thru abusive hell than you won’t understand that kind of joy. 

Never easy, but always worth it!

As I talk to a friend of mine today, she’s excited about her new Dom. I’m excited for her. She’s got her new rules! Knows what he wants and expects from her, she’s happy as a clam! That’s great!

She did ask me if that happiness ever wears off? That’s a tricky one to answer. If it’s the right Dom for you, then no. If he’s not, then it will be short lived. I gave her honesty, it’s best to swallow that pill now.

Shes asking me a ton of questions. She’s so happy! She wants to know why she feels like a school girl. Dominants give us a gift. The gift of freedom! The gift of being our true self. The gift of service to them. He could have picked any female for this job, but it’s mine! It comes with no paycheck, no vacation time, but the perks are plenty!

Freedom just from Him taking over your life! How’s that possible? It’s hard to explain to the vanilla world, but those of us who get it, it’s the most wonderful feeling any submissive, man or woman, can have. My choices are what He allows. I go places, only He allows. I meet up with friends, only He allows. I eat, only what He allows. I drink, only when He allows. I dress how He allows. I cum, only when He allows. I speak, only when He allows. I serve, All the time! I am actually serving in each example listed, by obeying Him. It’s an easy concept, but delivery can be hard as fuck somedays. 

I shall be her support on days when she’s tired of giving, and doing. Forgets why this was such a wonderful life. Trust me, you have those days. But we always get back on track, a great Master knows your human. That you might need a moment to just be you. They watch, observe, and then help you get back to being submissive you, it’s never forced. If it was forced you’d never find joy in it.

Vanilla people serve too. A wife who makes dinner, cleans the home, does laundry, chauffeurs the kids, is her man’s support. Umm hello that’s serving! 

My life is happy! I can understand my friends happiness, because my life rocks too! I have the love of a wonderful man, who’s also my Master. He’s my Daddy, my King, the only man who owns my heart and soul. But He’s also my friend, the one I go to when I’m falling apart, He listens then points out how to find what I’m looking for, makes me laugh! He sings to me! I love our conversations, ok when they aren’t about me being blonde. Yeah, I said it! I won’t remember it in 30 seconds! He encourages me, helps me, believes in me, wants me. I have the most amazing life! Of course we all have our good days and bad days. Make sure the good out number the bad. 

What about Him? Does He feel your love in word and deed? Hopefully so. Does He always want to be in charge? He was born dominant, as I’m born submissive. But He will have good days and bad, He’s human as well. Don’t be so selfish as to think you are the only one who has needs here, they are just different from His own. Men need to feel loved, cherished, women need to feel wanted. Always give your best to your dominant, the rate of return is great. This is where vanilla people get lost. When you communicate, on the same page, roles identified, rules established you can’t help but feel safe, happy. It’s all spelled out before you. You know what’s expected, what will happen, how it will happen. There are no grey areas. But if something is not clear, just ask , your dominant wants you to understand. You won’t be set up to fail, ever. This concept is most definitely lost on vanilla people. 

So, what did we learn today? Lifestyle is pretty easy, we make it harder than it is, we will have some challenges, but it’s always worth it! Live with no (regerts)!!! Yeah I did that on purpose, not cuz I’m blonde, but I am blonde, but cuz  it’s funny. I think I’m funny, Daddy doesn’t! But I am!  Oh forget it!

Oh my god, there’s a man in the house😨

No worries! It’s just Daddy! 

So, Daddy had plans but they fell through, so He made ‘other’ plans, with me!  He came over Friday and we spent the whole weekend together. Much to my dismay Monday came to damn fast.

I looked at this time together as sort of a precursor to living together. I’m not sure He wanted me to, but I felt it would be fine to do so. I haven’t lived with a guy I’ve dated in 8 years. I’ve been single off and on, but meeting Him , well I knew what I wanted. Him! I have my kids living with me, I’ve had roommates, but never lived with anyone involved with, not for a long time. 

My plan was… To just be myself. This time wasn’t about sex, or getting my needs met. But I wanted to see for myself how well Daddy and I meshed together. 

From the start it was amazing. I enjoyed every bit of it. Of course I was nervous, just because I was happy, didn’t tell me if He was. 

By the next morning,waking up to Him, well that’s familiar to me when He stays over. But the rest of the day was what I was paying attention to. He showed me how important I was, by how He treated me. I was totally enamored with Him all day! Once we got home Daddy wanted rest, I made sure He got it. He works damn hard , He takes care of everyone ( me, the kids, family, friends,club. My job as I see it, is to take care of my beloved Master the best I can, to the best of my ability. It is exactly what I want to do!

I tried my best to anticipate what He might need, before He asked, that’s what a good slave does. I was like that as a wife, but definitely to the wrong man. I even wondered if it was in me to be like I was? Omg!!! Much to my surprise I was still me! Once the weekend was over for us I texted my girls. I let them know about my incredible weekend with Daddy. I even got to gush over that feeling!! The feeling of taking care of a man, your man! There’s nothing like that feeling in the world. 

How wonderful it was to be me again, but with the most deserving man on the planet. I was on cloud 9 the whole weekend. I noticed all my fears of living with Him diminished. I really needed that too. I needed to know I was really ready to live with Him. I needed Him to see I will put Him first in thought and deed. 

I am definitely looking forward to life with Daddy. It was an incredible weekend! From eating together, Him treating me like I was the only woman on earth, playing together!, And Him helping me with major decisions. I felt more alive in this one weekend then I have in years. I owe it all to Him. I know His weekend didn’t go as He had planned, but I needed this weekend more than I needed the air I breathe. 

I love my Daddy ❤️

Today is national ‘ I love you day’

❤️❤️❤️❤️I lOVE YOU DADDY❤️❤️❤️❤️

A hard working man

Ok ladies, this one is aimed at you. Not to put you down, but I’ve been on both sides of this fence so I can have my say. 

When was the last time you really appreciated your man? He works damn hard, if you’re lucky enough to stay home with the kids, he’s working hard for that and don’t you dare take it lightly, or bitch at him when he comes through the door looking like the world is on his shoulders. Bring him a drink, rub his shoulders. Yeah, the ones who did that back breaking work all day. His boss yelling in his ear. Co-workers acting like they have problems, traffic. 

Do you have any idea that your man pushed his body so hard that day, doing things most men do so they can pay a bill, keep their home, pay for stuff for you and the kids. Where did you think that money came from? 

I know what it’s like to be home with the kids. Believe me I do! My home was spotless, meal ready when he walked through the door. I made sure kids disappeared for an hour. He worked in the heat. I paid attention, but it was most definitely the WRONG guy.

The man I have in my life now, well he’s wonderful! He’s appreciative of any I do. But I support this man as much as he will let me. Why? Because a good man deserves that and so much more. He deserves a drink when he gets home. Let him sit down and relax. Make him food or go get it, body massage, blow job. The list could go on and on, but show him that you get it. That you appreciate all effort he puts forth in your life. Truth be told he’s the bread winner. Plus if you had to change places with him for even a day you’d probably run screaming into a corner curled up in a fetal position, cuz men make it look easy. They battle heat, extreme heat, rain, wind, snow, sleet, hail. And if you’re the kind of woman who is a piece of shit, he battles you as well. 

Before you throw those kids at him, act like his job doesn’t compare to yours. Have compassion on him, treat him with a little respect, maybe he will be romantic, or send you out of the house while he takes the kids and let’s you have a moment. Can’t hurt to try. Change is good. 

I can appreciate my man cuz I work out in the elements, I work hard, do a guys job, my body aches. But not close to his. I love my man! 

Thank you Daddy for all you for our family! 

Slave in waiting

We had the hardest two months, I’ve had to cater to everyone else but Him. I’ve not been given that time to make sure my Masters needs have all been properly taken care of, my heart’s desire. 

Time apart is really weighing on me, I feel a disconnect in the distance. I’ve been as patient as can be. I try to hold it all in, but it’s eating me alive. 

What I desire, me in slave position before Him, Him doing that deep breath of approval ,His hand on my head which tells me He’s happy with His slave. 

I do get to serve Him. Breakfast nearly every morning, it pleases me to do so. But I miss so much being before Him. It’s something He and I share on the deepest level. It only has meaning to us. I tear up as it has been non existent since everyone else became important. He let the balance be this so I could help one of the children til His life was back on track. It’s coming along, but not fast enough for me.

I long to be at His feet, my place of honor as I’m His. Eyes closed, I breathe in the sweet air around us, bask in the love He emits from Him to me, and back again. He will say in a whisper, ” what a beautiful sight it is to behold”. 

I need it, with everything in me, I need that. The more disconnect I feel, the more I am sad. How does a slave balance putting all first? She doesn’t, not without her Master showing her the balance. I need Him, now. I long for Him, He’s not there. My soul calls to Him, I need Him to hear it and come to me  

I’m no good on my own, for what is a slave without a Master? Nothing. What is a Master without a slave? Empty. They must move together, breathe together, balance each other. Her put Him back in His spot as her object of all delight, so she may serve from her heart. He must accept all the love and care she’s giving, and put her back as His object of desire. 

Out of balance will not be good for long, only the Master may lead them both back together. He knows the way, He created it. This is His world they exist in, she is His loyal subject, His queen, His goddess, His desire. He is her everything as well. What a most beautiful thing as they feel this for each other…

Where is my Master, as my soul calls to Him. Fill me with the love I desire. Heal my soul. Let me serve. I need no words, I just need your heart near mine, my love. To be in your presence. I crave this.