It was a long wait til he got home, felt like forever in babygirl timeframe. I was trying my hardest to listen we spoke, which wasn’t as often as I needed, but we tried hard to make it work, stay connected. There were plenty of times I had to make decisions without him, this was always the hardest. I have loved Him since the first time we met, I have never wanted anyone like this so much in my life. But now I was angry, bitter and had no idea how to let those feelings go. I wondered if we’d be like strangers next time we were together.
When our moment finally happened, we would be together again, I was scared to death, but then nothing was gonna stop me from getting to him.
Once I saw Him, I threw the car in park and ran into His arms. It felt so good to have His arms around me again, smell him, taste His kiss. I was in heaven. We were finally home, about to walk thru the door i knew this would never be the same again for him. He is definitely the strong one. All that we have been through, him way more than me, and He is able to pull himself together, and the rest of our family as well.
I was keeping my anger for to long. It can and will destroy anything in it’s path, and I was set on being right that He abandoned me. He expected me to pull our lives together and carry on in His place. He wanted communication from me so He knew all going on at home, and Him help with everything. I felt He expected to much from me, more than I could do. I would break down, He would expect me to pull it together and break down at a better time. He would be there from a distance and finally let me break down. He’d put me back together in the only way He could, thru words, and listening. I felt like He let me get hurt, only He tried everything to not let that happen before our lives were turned upside down. I think I just wanted to be angry and bitter, so He let me. He refused to give me my way, which gave me more temper tantrums. He was as patient as a saint since He got home. It’s only been a month, my trust needed to build. I needed to get laid,plenty. I wanted food, His attention, Him to talk to me I just refused to budge on letting my anger go. He knew it, He’s smarter than me. He’s always one step ahead. I couldn’t handle the thought of being spanked by Him, not yet. I had so much pain in my heart, in my soul, He needed to help me before I needed the full lifestyle. He knew it. He let me have space to come to Him slowly. I did. He’s not happy that my communication is way off,but I’m working on it and fast! Why? Because Daddy is back home. He gave me time, but time is almost up.
I had a test recently, I passed with 95%, only 1 question wrong, best grade in my class! Was that good enough for Him? Probably, but I opened my big mouth. He used to tell me I better pass my tests at 100%, or I’m in trouble. He was being sweet on the phone, I thought ” He must have forgotten that I was always under rules about this”. I was wrong,He didn’t forget. In fact I have spankings coming, yeah me? Not. But in that moment He seemed more Daddy like. I couldn’t have my way. He had been letting me have my way, til things seemed normal again.
What does normal look like now? It’s definitely different. There is some of us from the past that was brought through to the present, and then the rest we figure out as we go. So, the lifestyle will be something we figure out too. He deserves my respect, and I need His too. We both need to trust again. We need to feel connected all the time like we used to. Sex, sex, and more sex! Cuz I’m the horniest babygirl, and months of Him long distance was more than I could do.
I did have to be honest with myself, I was fucking things up. Ok, so He let me hold on tight to being angry, but do I really want it to drive Him away? Fuck no. He’s all I want, ever wanted, In this big world He’s all I’ve got too. We have future plans! I want them all. I want to get back to 3somes, I have a few fears here but I’m sure He will help me find my way, He always did before.
See, I’m starting to feel normal again too. I knew I did when I felt so strongly about being in slave position for Him. I adore Him, He’s my one true love, My King, My Master, My Daddy, my best friend, my everything! For He and I there was only one way to convey that message with no words, let the slave in me show the way!
I can now see a great future ahead of us. I’m still afraid of will He have to leave again. We have lots to let heal, we will always miss “B”. She’s never off my mind. I want our future plans, now more than ever! I’m a strong believer that we have been through everything now, and still we are doing this together. That has always been a promise we made each other that we will get through everything and anything TOGETHER! Some things have been easier than others, But that’s life. The fact that we have been through so much and we’re still standing is a miracle in itself, one I’m thankful for and I won’t take my life for granted.
Life is getting back to normal. My anger has subsided. Daddy is back to himself! That’s a good and bad thing, He’s just itching to beat my ass. Now that we live together I’ve got no way to save it. He used to go home.lol. If I was a praying person I’d ask for some kind of miracle there too, like my ass fall off, his hand can’t hit my ass for a good reason, can’t think of one. How the fuck does He always know what I need. I think everything is gonna be good!
I love you Daddy❤️