He’s a worthy King indeed

How in the world,in our lifestyle can you tell when one has earned the title, ‘King’?

First of all, I’m not new. Any man in the lifestyle, that refers to himself as royalty, is usually one I don’t give the time of day to, never have. A dominant should exude confidence, not arrogance. There’s a huge difference. 

The dominant who can juggle all aspects of His life (work,family,play) has my respect. Pay attention to the wording, I said juggle , not has all the answers. He’s still human. 

If He is kind to children, and animals, except snakes hates those. Can He be gallant? We all know that men want a lady on their arm in public, and a freak in the sheets. No problem there. But I want the same from my dominant. Will He be the gentleman who opens the car door, and grabs my ass too?! He does!

I want a man who worries about me, will be funny and silly with me. Who can make it a night of bdsm, or just something sexy and hot, Both make me cum, it’s about effort. Can He cook? Cuz I will clean. When I’m sick, am I a priority.

I see Him, as He is. He’s strong, but He needs a woman by His side with strength too, a partner in His life. Someone He can talk to, share His secrets with and knows that no one will ever hear it. 

He needs to know that she has His back. That she’s close to Him, clings to Him but that they can go there own ways and still be 100% committed. She His ‘ ride or die’, cuz He would be hers if He has to. Care for Him when He’s sick. His goals are her goals, and vice versa. He can make someone else a priority at times, she doesn’t blink, she knows it’s for the moment. 

She can tell when He just needs some time to Himself, she doesn’t take it personal, but pushes Him to rest and put Himself first every now and then. They make their relationship a priority, but know it takes both to work at it. Any holidays and she will go pick a gift, she knows He has more important things to do. 

If He’s off with friends, family, or His club she knows she is still on His mind. And He’s on hers!

He makes her talk so He knows what’s on her mind, what she’s stressing about. He wants to guide her, encourage her, help her. They are always there for each other.

They know the goals they have set for themselves,kids, etc… And they both work together as a team. When one succeeds, they both do! 

This is how I know He’s my king. He never insisted I call Him that, He’s to humble. But He deserves the title, it’s been earned a million times over. 

When I look at Him, really look. I see a man with lots of friends, family, and His club but still really lonely. My job is to fill that void, to become everything He needs. Be His partner, His lover, His babygirl, His slave. Cuz I’m just like Him! We have all the stuff ( job, family, friends, kids) but to grow old with someone, cherish the love they give you, take care of their heart. Then you have found someone worthy , someone who should be treated like a king, called ‘ My King’. For He is everything to me! 

In need of my Master

Yesterday He had enough of my attitude, I heard every word He said. I was listening. I had been preoccupied with my life, and I had not been putting Him first. I was guilty. We both knew it. As He beat my ass, with every hit, the pain felt cleansing. He knows how to put me back to square one,peg one. It’s very humbling. I hadn’t realized how far I’d fallen. After He was done, it was very clear.

The tears that flowed were all about how I must have hurt Him, by not trusting Him. I do trust Him, but actions speak louder than words. Where did I lose my way?

I realized all the time we have together, things were starting to change, we have plans, we talk about the future. So, I decided, on my own, to just come up with a backup plan , but I felt I had good reason. Ill be sharing it. I didn’t say anything to my Master. I was wrong. On the other hand I felt like I needed to stop bothering Him, He’s been so busy. I can deal with my life and get my direction, on my own.

Where did this come from? For me, I  go back a few weeks. First part of the  month. Granted some things had been going on for months. Recently I asked Him, ” what do you want me to write in the card?”  He let me know, so I asked Him if He was really ready for this. He replied with, ” No, but I guess I will have to be”. This crushed me, and all my confidence in the future plans we had. In my mind I felt like I needed a plan B.  So, without asking Him any questions, I came up with plan B. It was not meant to hurt Him. But I’d been afraid of what His words meant. I wanted to believe everything He’s planned for our future, but now I was scared. What if His words meant He didn’t want anything between us to change. Did He change His mind? Did He want anything in the future? 

I’m guilty, I never asked for clarification. My reason was because if He really changed His mind about me, us, I would be devastated. I wasn’t ready to hear it. 

This only happened a few weeks ago. I started feeling like,’ get a plan together for your life, kids lives’. 

I felt very lost, not like a slave at all. I felt lonely in my thoughts, I wanted to talk to Him. I kept up making sure I was serving Him His breakfast, it makes me happy. 

Then some health problems rose up, I didn’t tell Him again, how scared I was. How much I didn’t want to feel lonely. I kept it all to myself.

I met with a lawyer so I could look into a bankruptcy. I need a break from the mounting debt. All this I shared with Him. I am more scared than ever.

I have an ex I need to ask for some help with our son. I’m to afraid to ask. I’m already stuck in my head that my ex will say ‘no’. Master did discuss this issue with me. I feel less alone, I felt better. I need direction, I need Him. 

I’ve had plenty on my plate, as per usual. He hasn’t made me feel alone, He’s just had plenty on His own plate. But as He was beating my ass, telling me what He expects from me. I felt love in that moment. His words a few weeks ago made me feel a million miles away from Him. It wasn’t until that moment that I realize I only want what He wants. I do want a life with Him. I can and will discuss everything with Him.

I love being His slave, I need Him, His guidance. I need to talk with Him, make sure I understand. We are both only human. No one is perfect. In our lifestyle communication is key. I will need Him to show me the way. 

I love you my sweet Master. I hope we can talk about all this stuff. I cherish my Masters time. I needed what He gave me. I lost my way, and lost my place. I’ve been scared.  Plus my list seems to be growing. I need direction, and care from only one person, Him.

The fucking Brady bunch

Here’s the story,  of a tattooed lady, with 3 very lovely kiddos of her own. Each of them was searching for something better, that’s when He came along.

Here’s the story , of a tattooed man who seemed crazy. He was busy with 3 kids of His own. The four of them,  living altogether. Yet they were all alone. 

Then this one day the lady met this Master,

 they just knew it clicked, it was much more than a hunch. That this group will somehow form a dysfunctional family, that’s the way they all became the fucking Brady bunch! 

How did He know…

One thing I’m not is a great communicator. I can write, text, but talk… Not really. I’m just not a big talker. 

Even though I’m like this, He makes me talk. It’s been a long road together, He says “what’s wrong?”, ” What’s on your mind?” Sometimes, honestly I’m not ready to talk, or I’m trying to figure out on my own thoughts ,if this is a big deal or not, what made me change? However, if He’s nearby He notices right away and wants me back to my happy self. I’m usually thinking, ‘ please give me a minute’. With Him, there are no minutes, it’s now. Wow, that’s hard. I have to quickly figure out what changed, why it changed. Some things in my head make no sense to me, so why share them. But I had no idea He was at work! Within me! He knows the abuse I suffered with my ex, thru my childhood. I didn’t even know He was paying attention. He’s been helping me this whole time. Wow. I respect Him so much for that, which adds to the love I feel for Him.

I can’t see the bigger picture here. I never do. Where I think I’m doing fine, He is trying to do His job as my Master. To be perfectly honest, no one before Him ever gave a shit that I was so quiet. In fact, I was judging my exes and past Dom’s for that, now that I think about it. It’s really the reason I knew it was never going to work with any of them. They only wanted sex, not the real me. How can you base any relationship on just sex, not even great sex. Well it wasn’t for me. Daddy will tell me it’s ok if I cared for them, or loved them ,it’s in the past. But to me those feelings weren’t there. I didn’t respect them, they didn’t respect me. I didn’t love them, none treated me with love. They cheated on me, I was crushed one more time and thinking there was something wrong with me. So, how could I ever love any of them. Love is something that I’ve been searching for , and didn’t seem to find. I didn’t tell these men that I loved them, it would have been a lie. I slightly cared about a few, but I knew in my heart it was nothing that was going to last forever. How did I know? I didn’t think about them all day, I didn’t miss them, barely texted, never called them. I didn’t even take any pics with them.  All of these things were different with Daddy! I know myself, I’m real with myself. I hope Daddy understands this better. 

I love sex, but if you can really reach me on a personal level, most haven’t, then what’s the point of having them in my life. I never understood how any of them thought I was enjoying the relationship. They knew nothing about me, nor cared to learn. What’s my favorite color, car, movie,etc… Daddy knows these answers! 

Right off the bat, my Daddy was different. He’s fun, adventurous, and expected me to talk. Now I was alert, omg, I have to talk finally. This has been so different, scary even. What if He doesn’t like what I have to say, or how I think. This kind of connection with Him made things very different between us from the start, and the sex has been mind blowing for me. I even have my orgasms back! I am multi orgasmic, always have been. But once I was married it disappeared in the first few months. Neither separation, nor divorce, or dating brought it back. But this one morning with Daddy OMG! It just happened! He stopped what He was doing, looked at me and said, ” Are you ok? What was that?” I politely smiled at Him, let Him know I was fine and that I’m multi orgasmic and hadn’t done that in a very loooooong time. It was true! I didn’t think I could do that anymore. I remember after Daddy left that morning, thinking to myself, ” I’m back, I’m me again!” I was hooked. I had no idea how this man brought that out in me again, but something was different and I was on a quest to figure it out. 

2 years later, I still can’t tell you why or how my body responds to Him, it just does! And damn it feels good! He loves it! I’m truly with the right person. I get to be with Him forever, I think my body enjoys that as well. Life is Good! And this is exactly how I judge men from my past. 

Here’s to us

As we began this journey ahead of us, I can’t help but notice everything is about to change again. I’m very excited, I’m ready.  I know you will push me to change, to grow, to learn all ways to please you. And you know I’m fine as long as you feed me bbq.

Everyday will be us ,Together in this thing called life. Learning more about each other , more than we have the last few years. 

I fear I will never be all that you want or need. I’m just not enough, but you’re still standing here. You try to tell me I am, but I don’t listen very well at times. Then the other night when you told me why you love me, why you picked me, how much I matter to you. It was beautiful, I was just blown away. No one has ever loved me so much. Thank you❤️

Recently, we toasted, to us. I felt something I hadn’t before.  Like my life is right where it should. I felt happy, peaceful. Sex was beyond perfect, omg!! Laughing together like I do with friends, I realize you really are my best friend, my lover, my Daddy, my Master, my King, Everything I need all rolled into one!

I wonder what the future holds. How many years we get? I’m thankful for each day with you. I’m happy to be taking this step with you. I honestly never saw you coming. I start to think to myself of all we’ve gone thru these 2 years. Honestly, if we hadn’t taken our time to grow together most of this crap could have torn us apart. I’m truly glad that we went slow, and now look at us! Going thru some very stressful stuff and as we needed a moment to take it all in, and process. Once the dust settled, look at us! Standing here, side by side, stronger than ever!  

All that we will go thru as we spend our lives together. I’m excited to see our family grow together.  As we raise the kids, have time together,making memories . Life can only be summed up in one word:

Happiness

The long road ahead

As my bff has found the Dom of her dreams, things are heading full steam ahead. She’s now at the very crucial point, becoming fully His.

He is starting to break her. For those in our lifestyle you know what I’m talking about. Each Dom will shake is head in accordance, as they have each broken someone who means something to them. Each submissive smiles and has that moment of ‘ oh dear God , the pain. But it’s all worth it.

Was it really worth the pain? When it’s the right Dom, yes. I’ve known some that would help break any sub or slave, no relationship was needed. Just your time, and respect for the Dom. No sex involved. It was just to free her from all the pain of the past, set her free. Help her grow in each area of her life to be the best she can be. I’ve met fake Dom’s who took this breaking very wrong. Used the women for sex, no real training. I’ve been here a long time, even my first Master who helped train me to a point, knew it would not be sexual, never was. It was about protocol, rules, expectations, how to serve with your whole heart. Once he was done we were released. He let us know he’s gone as far as he was able, training would be accomplished by the one who picked us for their own. He was right. I learned plenty. I was happy, peaceful, young, and now searching for my other half of the puzzle. I now look at all exes as life showing me what I don’t want. If I think about this any other way, my self talk really goes badly, ‘ how could you be so stupid’, ‘ what were you thinking’, ‘ were you on drugs for that whole relationship’. Shit like this, unhealthy.

Granted I still have my good days, and my bad days. But most are good! I’m happier now that my Master has shown me how He wants me to serve Him. How to think, how to behave. He’s made room for my babygirl side, not much room for the brat in me. My friend did ask, ‘ how will I know when training is done?’ that’s a fair question, ‘ never’. As people we are always evolving and changing, He will know the way, so follow Him. 

When you’ve been single a long time, how do you just let someone take over your life? One step at a time! Rome wasn’t built in a day, neither will you be. Believe me, she doesn’t always like my answers. Each sub or slave will have their own breakdown and rebuild, no two are alike. 

She is cautious if he will read her and know what she needs, doesn’t need. On this, I giggled alittle. They are born dominant, they think dominant, they sleep dominant, they react dominant in this world. We, however, are submissive so we can only understand our side of things. This is where trust will take you further. Just let go… Yes, easier said,than done. But we submissives all go through this fire.

Why must I be broken? Aren’t I fine the way I am? This gave her cause for concern, does he want a perfect woman and she is his willing victim. To the untrained eye it might appear this way. I had to find an analogy she could relate to. Her children and gardening. I started, ” if your child was full of unhappiness,sadness, pent up emotions, not living life to the fullest would you leave your child there? If any of your plants were not doing well would you let it die, or work on bringing it back?” Her response, ” I’m not heartless I would guide my child with love ,listen to them, help them thru, do what was necessary. The plant too”. I smiled at her, she looked puzzled.

Let me explain! He sees you not living at your full potential, pent up crap from the past, things that need to go. He will show you how to release it all. Then he will fill those empty spaces with things you actually need. And show you who you really are, the real YOU that you were meant to be before life happened to you. Plus, you’re his so you will learn how to please him. Think of his needs before he speaks of them. Put him first in all things. This is what Dom’s do, when he’s done you will be an amazing woman, the woman you were always meant to be. And since he’s the one doing the work, he reaps all the benefits. I can hardly wait to see you six months from now, a year from now. 

She wondered if this is what makes me love my Master more? Yes, it does. Plenty of men before Him saw my pain, and made more, whether intentional or not. He saw my worth, what I can become. Even the things He puts me in charge over in my life, He still watches those. He still pushes me, even out of my comfort zones. The only thing is I don’t fight near as much. I will occasionally ask if this one area can be untouched, the answer is usually, ”No, I expect it to be done, no more questioning me”. Believe me I know how to grit my teeth and bare it really well. But once I get through it I’m very happy, I grew again. 

My Master knows me like a book. He’s knows when to push, and when to leave something alone and maybe try it again at a later date. For instance, humiliation, my ex robbed me of all my emotions. My Master could hardly say anything to me that I didn’t take it like a personal hit to mean He must hate me as much as my ex. Years later, my Master can look at me and ask, ” who’s Daddy’s lil whore?” I’m smiling like an idiot! And my babygirl side is bouncy and giggling, ” me Daddy!!” I’ve changed so much. He, my Master, knows my past, knows me so well that with only words He could kill me if He wanted. A few times, in the heat of an argument, He has cut me and I’m bleeding out. Only He didn’t leave me like that, lifestyle or not, we are still only human. He has had to fix me up again, and send me on my way. I’m good again. But there’s a difference, what other men meant for harm, my Master had no intention of harming me and leaving. It’s fixable. 

The vanilla world knows nothing of this kind of thing. Vanilla women are not allowed to let vanilla men break them down and build them up again, but better. Most vanilla men wouldn’t know where to begin. This is where I have always felt like our lifestyle is far superior than our vanilla counterpart. We choose to be an open book, they hide their true feelings. 

If you are so unhappy in your own world that you cannot see the beauty in this breaking down do NOT mssg me, I will not be kind. I have seen tv and many about females letting men deconstruct you, or take your identity. The commercial that comes to mind is a woman being  led around by a man, she’s on a collar and leash. He leaves her outside a store, the commercial sees her the same as a common house pet. I see the beauty in the collar and leash. As you wouldn’t want your dog to go to far from you, safety reasons, how would you let your woman go to far from you? But this particular commercial is made by feminists movement, and infringes my rights. They do NOT decide for me, my Master will. He has only my good in mind. For those small minded people, you make me sick 

The road ahead is a long one for bff, reason being, does she have a submissive side that she’s denied for years? If there is her Dom will be bringing it out. She’s never been trained before so everything is a surprise. I’m trying to show her how to respectfully ask for clarification. She did however not listen to me, and he stopped his process once she questioned and then told him what she can’t handle. But then asked him to explain what he’s doing, after he already did. I was shaking my damn head. Yikes! If this had been me and my Master, let’s just say I’d be lucky to be alive. This is where my bff says, ” I will not be in fear of any man”.  Wanna bet?

I calmly say, ” I never said fear, I said reverence”. I did try to explain to stop fighting the process. She let me know that he’s aware of how far he can push her and things that are hard limits and will stay that way. Again, I’m shaking my damn head, and I’m thinking” just shut up”.  

I had to explain why when she starts telling him she’s doing her best, that he gets up and leaves. Always a hard one! I explained it’s several reasons. 1. He knows it’s not your best, but you’ll get there how he wants you to be, he must push to see what that is. 2. How submissive are you. 3. Only one of you will be in charge and he leaves to remind you he chooses to be in your life and feel the pain of his empty presence. 4. You need to stop talking, this is his job. 5. Once you said, Yes , you lost all rights, you’re his.

She did let me know that breaking hurt like a son of a bitch. ” You don’t say?” Was my come back! She’s not sure she can continue. I ask, ” do you love him? Do you trust him? If not, don’t go thru the fire for him. It gets worse before it gets better, but it’s worth it”. We submissives know that ONE DAY when you look in the mirror, you finally see the person looking back. You wonder WTH is going on. Oh my god, he broke me. The only person you have to thank is him. The only person you want is him. You have value because of him. You now know all that pain was worth it! 

I gave her a hug as I left, I wished her the best. I hope she sticks with the breaking down, she needs it. She deserves to let go of all the crap from her past. She hugged me again, and said she was sorry for never paying attention to things I said. Or seeing the slave I am for my Master. She always thought the things I do to show my Master love and respect were mundane. Now she sees for herself! No apology was necessary, but I do get the added joy of when we go somewhere she MUST ask, and wait for the response. Paybacks a bitch! 

I’m still very thankful for my Master seeing potential in me. I don’t always see it. But I like me more now, than ever! All because of Him. Is His work done in me? Nope, it never ends. Thank you Daddy!