This is my kinky life…

I used to have many writings up on this page, but I left it and let it go. I wasn’t going to come back onto this blog. but as I realize I may want to write about my kinkier side in my life, it will have to be the place I do that from. So, know as I restart my page that was up for years. I am upset with myself for taking all my writings off of here. But I know what I am like, so no worry, I will be writing again.

I even have the man in mind to share about, he is my Daddy Dom/ Master. Yes we do realize that with our experience in the lifestyle we are a little bit of all of them. As I have started out a slave in the lifestyle when I was just 16 years old. I learned many things about this beautiful lifestyle and most has stuck with me. I did quit being a slave so I could have a voice and not just be led blindly, as the Master I had at that time , I did not feel was making decisions based on my best interest. Before I started a new venture on being a sub, I asked to be released, he granted that request but did try to stay in my life. I took my time looking for a Dom that could mold me, show me the true heart of a sub. I eventually found one, I knew he was the person for a forever,but  I trusted him enough to help me be the best sub I could be. Yes, there is much difference between being a slave and a sub. Most don’t realize it though, and when I train either when they are new, I usually suggest that they try all titles to see which one really fits them. This works most of the time. I don’t train much anymore, after 50 shades of grey, most women that came to me just really wanted to be smacked around by a man, and then fucked hard. That is not what this lifestyle is about. I became a babygirl only about 3 years or 4 years ago. I had no idea what it was until a Dom in my life, looked at me one day and said, ‘Oh my god, you are such a babygirl brat’. Wtf did he just say?? So I went on this journey to find out what I was? Well, it fit me to a T. I was a babygirl, but not a little, more of a middle. I am such a brat, that there are no words!!! Lets just say there are always punishments waiting for me and keep it at that! so shut up.

Lets get back to Daddy! Daddy is the real deal! I met him a year ago, sort of . We became friends on fetlife, I had no time to get to know anyone, as my personal life was having many issues and I was not in a place of service in my mind or heart at that time. I however did decide to just disappear from Fet. I wasn’t sure if I was coming back or not.  Once I got my life back on track, more counseling after a horrible divorce. I was loving being me! fine with being single. I was not in any rush to get into something . So, I really wasn’t looking for anyone.When I got back onto Fet after my hiatus, about a year, I was inundated with messages from men, I finally narrowed them down to 32 possible play partners, maybe. I had this thinking of getting to know them , have 5 in rotation. And then low and behold there is a message from the guy was interested in a year ago. Timing was great, I had not really gotten to a personal level with any of those guys, so we started talking. He did have this way about him that all those other men didn’t, he captured my attention while we were talking, you can tell a true Dom, whether in person, on the phone, even in a damn text. They still have this presence about them. You still know to treat them with the utmost respect, after all he did pick me to message and there are many other females on Fet that could have gotten his time. He presented me with a task as we were both in agreement to get to know one another and see where this goes, if we have enough in common and want something more. I agreed to his demand, but I did think it was unfair. He would rather I not talk to a lot of guys while I am talking to him, and not to sleep with anyone until we decide to proceed or not. Granted most of those guys I was already talking to were boring, or trying to pull that Dom crap with me, but it had been a long time since I had sex and I am sure I was going to die from lack of sex.  This did put me on alert, I was wondering if he could be faithful, I mean come on, he is a guy. How many are faithful anymore, including both vanilla and bdsm men in this equation. I don’t know many. For the most part , the men I knew all became poly just to be able to sleep with as many women as possible. Years ago this lifestyle was just about one man , one woman. So this refreshing change was nice, but hard to trust. I do think I asked him several times if he was actually really able to stay honorable, and he seemed like that was no problem. We do both have trust issues so this will be the start of something new for us both. I did agree to these things. I stopped talking to all of those men who meant nothing to me. I only spoke to men that had been friends with me for years and were not interested in me at all. Plus I wasn’t having sex. Well, not entirely true, I do believe this Dom was just as fired up as I was and our first time happened rather fast. Which that will be made into its own story!! Wow, what a time that was. So full of fire and passion, we both are, which makes it hard for to not rip each others clothes off the moment we see each other, even now and it has been almost 3 months. For me, that is a record, I usually lose interest really fast, there is no substance, the guy is just playing Dom and I will let him until I am just done, but this Dom had  my full attention almost from the start. Now if you ask me what was different about him, I cannot answer that question as I am still trying to answer it myself. As he started to show he who he was as a Dom, how he is and laying down his own law for play and scenes, it was hard not to notice that he just took control. That made our time together even hotter. As I need someone who does take full control, I am a complete brat and if you give me an inch , I will most definitely take a mile. I have done it before. If I see a weak side to a Dom I am with you can bet your ass I will take full advantage and get bored quickly as I already know you don’t have full control or my attention. This Dom is different. Anytime I said something he did not agree with , he was quick to correct me verbally and end it with some pain so I would not forgot my infraction. I learned quickly from him how he liked things, and how he would just as easy as anything give me another rule, I wasn’t sure if they were mini tests to see if I would resist or just walk away. But I am as strong as any Dom, it would take more than a few rules to get me to crumble or serve at your feet. Good luck with that , was the usual statement in my head. Until just after 2 months together he decided it was time for full training and a regular set of rules. Now in my head I am thinking this is way to soon, if you push me I will just leave and not look back, I wasn’t playing with him but I will not just submit so easily either.  Yet the more demands he made, rules he gave, my slave side just adored him all the more. I was more than willing to be at his feet. He has my full attention, and nearly at 3 months together now, has earned my respect and submission, for the most part. I give my submission in stages and my trust has to grow, I do think he sees that I needed this time, and allowed me to give to him what I could. He is a very good Dom that way. He could have said no I refuse to let you go at your own pace, but if this is to work, it makes more sense to build up your sub/slave/babygirls trust and let her come to you , on her knees. The moment he had my full attention. I didn’t notice other men, I was not concerned if they came onto me. I wasn’t interested in them, I see only my Dom. I want only him. This is hard to explain, but by being in the lifestyle for a long time as I have been, I know what I want, what I’m looking for. I will not be fooled. This was my other reason to go slow with him, I did not want to give everything and get nothing in return. He even waited for me to be able to move onto the next step , even though he was ready, I was not.  Staying over at my home, was something I needed time to process, and he gave me all the time I needed. When I finally gave him the message that I was ready, he put it together and it was great. I do move slow, sometimes to slow, but I do feel it was the right time for me. I am in no hurry with this Dom, I am not going anywhere. I want to know all about him, and see where this takes us. So far, I am so happy. Granted I hate punishments and his get worse and worse which does make my bratty side have to really think hard to get away with things. I have never worked so hard to get my way! So many past Doms would not deny me sex , that would hurt them and im good at it!! They let me be as bratty as I wanted. I was a damn handful, but this Dom just laid down the law and I paid for every bit of it. I deserved every punishment I got. I needed to push him to see if he was going to just runaway or not. If he was, I was not submitting. I would just have all the nasty , hot sex I could get and move on. That is not what happened. He took me by surprise. He did deny me sex with him, toys, myself. I could hardly believe what I was hearing. Did I hear him right? He was going to punish himself with no sex since it was my punishment. Plus I am thankful for texting, if he could hear that pouting, and the words I was saying it would have been far worse, oops just incriminated myself… shhh he wont see this!! if you don’t tell, I wont tell! LOL

In a few weeks, it will be 3 months. I really don’t remember being this happy, ever. Ok, maybe once but it was not sexual but training. This is different. He does have my full attention, and my respect. Anyone Dom that can go without sex to really punish you , has got to be pretty strong. To get me to still be interested , and to get me to submit were works of art on his part. These are thing I do not do at all. I will be sticking around , I want to see where this goes. I am excited each time I see him to see what he will do next, even when I don’t like it , I still see his side and have even more respect for him. I don’t make this easy for any Dom.  I am sure this will be continued…

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