In my past I have been used to being treated badly( vanilla or bdsm),humiliated, disrespected, uncared for, shattered, sometimes left with no aftercare, they had only wanted one thing from me, I’m sure you can get the picture.
My Dom is completely opposite. He has never humiliated me, is not into degradation, or shame.Has never asked for naked pics of me, likes them,but never demands them. He doesn’t like it if I put myself down, he’s quick to be very stern about such things. If he compliments me and doesn’t like my response he will only need to use an angry tone, I never do it again. When I think we are just having idol conversation, my sweet sadist is listening to my every word, I’m such a lucky girl, but not so fast. What he did recently left me speechless. He asked how the gym was working for me, I kept my answers brief. He saw right through that. Within moments he was in control of the gym , I had a schedule and was no longer allowed pop or junk food. I couldn’t even think of a response to argue back, so I said the only thing he wants to hear, Yes Sir. I do try to get out of the gym quite a bit, he has never allowed it, I have this feeling if I was dying he might still make me go. He did say I would thank him later, and once I saw my reflection in the mirror and things were not great but better. I was happy with my hard work and my Dom. He doesn’t permit me to spend unless its under $20, other than that I better be asking him for the purchase.Although I did sneak out of the house and meet a friend at one of my fav malls, the whole way through I kept saying, I can’t buy anything. I finally found something for $5 and I was thrilled, granted she had no idea why I was not like I used to be,but I knew my rules.
My Dom and I have chatted about how we see our dynamic as something special ,we are a little D/s, M/s, and DD/bg. As of recently I have thought about our dynamic and as I see it, he secretly is moving us into M/s , I do think he likes the slave. How? Well my rules ,most are for a slave. Yet he was kind enough to let me speak about the rules, ones I didn’t like, he either changed them around, said “deal with it” , or got rid of. I do think he wants me as his slave, but still calling him Daddy! But if he thinks I didn’t notice, oh yeah I noticed.
He opens doors for me, which I’m not used to any longer, but wow was I impressed! I could have fucked him right there. He will allow me to be on top of him and not feel like I’m taking control, I’m not, I just like how far his huge cock goes in even further!
I noticed he has this look on his face ,like he’s beaming with pride when he cums on my face and the way he looks at me, tells me I’m his ‘good girl’. While I’m on my knees before him , he will raise my chin ,so my eyes meet his and the smile on his face is so pure and beautiful.
My sadist will not let anyone be mean to me , he will listen when I’m clearly upset, but he will have the final word. I understand that my safety physically and mentally are not to be fucked with, as how he shows me ,he will not tolerate it from anyone.
He is not my girlfriend. We will laugh and play but he has a limit. He is quick to put me back in my place. He believes in me, pushes me to be my best. He encourages me to face my fears, he plans on having me face something from my past that scared me to death, at first I was mad. I was thinking do you not care that this situation was traumatic for me? This should be seen as a hard limit, only thing is that my hard limits that make sense he will permit me to keep. If its not logical he challenges said limit. I finally embraced what I see him trying to do for me, not to me. He has my trust, now to see if he can really make this better and get me over my fear. I am looking forward to it, plus if it goes wrong, I know he will keep me safe. Sort of a win-win.
He treats me with the utmost care and respect, even after he has beaten my ass, and fucked me so hard that my body wants to collapse into him. He then does aftercare, he’s very gentle.
He always explains the punishment to me before he begins. Its definitely not a mind fuck, yet he’s extremely good at that too. He makes sure I understand my infractions of how what he expects from me, then slowly moves in for the kill. The way his twisted mind works during a punishment, our government should hire him to go after the enemy or spies. I’m quite sure they would give up quickly. As he starts on my ass, he gets my attention first, shows me who is in charge,he will ask me each time if I have a clear conscience,he then let’s his evil side come out. He makes sure punishments get worse and worse.I Always answer his questions quickly, although sometimes I can’t even process what he said since I’m still reeling from the pain. I quickly pull it together. So he can rip the flesh from my body.
I must ask before touching his body. I can text and ask him if I can play, but I have a 20min timeframe, I am usually counting it down,hoping he won’t respond or just say no.
He won’t let me think less of myself, I cannot put myself down. Thank goodness he’s not always around , and cannot read minds, or I might be in trouble.
I am so happy to have him in my life , to discipline me, encourage me , care about me.