Not the mind fuck

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The saying that goes, ‘ confession is good for the soul’, is true, for normal people. But i have sadist for a Daddy.

After confessing to Him that i had some unresolved guilt. I really needed to tell Him. I almost did tell him a week ago, but He was mad about something else, and it didn’t seem like quite the right time to bring it up and deal with it. So being brilliant, and now realizing it could have been over with then,Confessed today. Which means i just added to fuel to His fire. But i feel better. Literally, my stomach was in knots for weeks now. I couldn’t sleep at all. Kept having dreams of what He might do to me.

Once i confessed. I  anxiously waited by my phone. Every time it went off i started this chant, ‘ please don’t be Him’. I wasn’t ready for his wrath quite yet. Plus i know how He handles things. All He has to do is write these one line sentences, about how much trouble I’m in. My heart starts to pound. I will read it over and over, hoping for some shred of ‘ He’s being nice’ , in the message. My friend Mia, doesn’t quite understand why i start pacing the floor, or text her and I’m already freaking out. She will laugh, and just say,
‘ its probably going to be fine’

What the heck does she know? She’s not the one dreading whats going to happen, sometime in the near future. Plus ,Mia has a sensual Dom. He doesn’t like pain. So ,Mia gets to write. Like she’s in school. There should be a checklist somewhere so you have an idea of what to expect. Several of my friends have their punishments listed with their rules, they know what’s coming. Lucky babygirls, cuz i never have any idea, i just know i wont like it.

My punishment checklist:
1. Write 50 times, whatever He picks.
2. Lose privileges.
3. A long discussion about how i was wrong.
4. I can’t think of anything 😦

My Dom, likes the effect of a good mind fuck. He uses them only to drive me out of mind, bat shit crazy, because i did it to Him first. I picture Him reading my mssgs of the infractions that occured, i can sort of see Him just shaking his head. Maybe even thinking to himself,
‘ i was having such a good day, grrrr’

As of recently, He broke me. So these things that happened were before ‘ the breaking of the babygirl’. With D/s we know how this goes, His way, not mine. I knew i didn’t want to start out as His broken babygirl, with anything between us. I knew i couldn’t rest if i didn’t tell. So, while I’m glad i did. I have a clear conscience now, but i know something is coming. I know its already haunting my thoughts. I can already feel the conversation He will present. My body is starting to tighten up. I’m not safe. There’s no where to hide. I must face my mistake, before my Dom. I will. I just hate, hate,hate the mind fuck.

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6 thoughts on “Not the mind fuck

  1. so sorry. your dom is a mental/emotional sadist?

    • stacieinaz says:

      Thank you for your question, he only goes where he knows i enjoy. As i write how much i hate, he knows how much i enjoy that text telling me what to do. There is a line where you must be careful of abuse, but he has never crossed it. I do love being controlled, and with me being a brat and always trying to get my way, the mind fuck has been the only real way to keep it at bay. He couldnt really beat my ass all day! We have both been in the lifestyle a long time, so we know where the authority side is which is usually what hes doing. I hope that answers your question?

  2. Audrey Frost says:

    I wouldn’t mind being punished like that picture at the top.

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