From the moment we met, something was different, that moment we started texting,talking on the phone, being face to face. You had gotten into my head, from that very first moment, taking control of me. You knew i hadn’t belonged to anyone in quite sometime, you just kept taking more and more from me. You had a request of me, talk to no men/ fuck no men, give you a chance, this made sense to me, since it felt different with you, i didn’t want you to feel like you were competing with anyone. You were worth that chance. I kept waiting for you to be like every other guy. You never were, which earned my respect real fast. I knew i wasn’t another notch in your belt. All of this really scares me, but I’m sure you know this.
Right away you were in my head. It happened so fast. This was hard to take at first since i wasn’t sure you really meant long term. It takes a while to build trust. I have some now. Now its almost four months together, you are still inside my head. When you make me feel like a princess, tell me I’m beautiful, know that i will grow to believe you, give me time. You, my King, are trying to change my headspace, i have respect for that, reason being, no one has taken that time in four years, hell lets be honest, ever.
You act like you know me so well. I try to not believe it, but then i have to admit you do. It scares me. I find myself holding back, this is all new to me. I’m just scared. I don’t look for a reason to run any longer. I know you could ask anything of me, i would do it. You take anything from, i would let you. I deeply care for you. That is a first for me, so i may over react, bring me back from the edge, show me the way. Have lots of patience, none of this is easy for me. I can feel how powerless i am. I’m still fragile, some recent things aren’t helping that. I know you want me to talk, i need to process, then communicate. Now I’m ready. I absolutely love that you give me that space.
I know i have lost control, i gave it up when i submitted to you. You want to make all decisions for us, me follow your lead, but some paths are more than i can bare. At least in the first moment. You own everything i am. When i get scared, i pull back. Guide me so it won’t keep happening. You still take my breath away. I love to kneel before you. When you talk, i focus only on your words, nothing else matters. Everything else fades away. I really want to shed all my trust issues and insecurities, but that is not easy, as of reasons you are aware.
I need your guidance, protection, and attention. Make sure I’m ok. I want to fully let go, but something stops me. Making this attachment to you, is so difficult ,yet new for me. I have never been here before. I need to communicate with you, better. I feel like recently our communication has been on a higher level. I can’t remember how i was before you, there is only you. I know no matter what, i will never go back to ‘me’.
I understand all that you want. I give as much as i can. So, i am trying my hardest, the hardest i have ever tried. You matter to me, like no one ever has. From here on out, i know that i am past the point of walking away. I do know all that you want from me. I want to be yours, you did tell me i am. I am here, I’m not letting go. There is nothing in me that wants to run. The old me comes back in when I’m scared, jealous ( a new one for me), or insecure. I need more of i what seek, only you have the answers i seek.i want forever