What was real?

I feel something, someone graze my skin. I can’t tell if its real, it shouldn’t be, is what my mind says. I say something, the person in front of me answers back. I thought my eyes were open, but i know now to open them, see who is there. My mind is playing tricks on me. Its Daddy?? It couldn’t be Him? I know He’s been busy.

So, my first thought is wow, my subconscious conjured up His beautiful face, every inch of Him seemed real. My dream could kiss real well. I remember speaking with Him, thinking its only a dream. His strong, masculine voice calms me. I pulled my dream close to me. I could feel Him, i could smell Him. This seemed so real. I sort of remember crying, i don’t know why? I love His touch on my skin. The thought of surprising me, was so wonderful. How did He get out of my dream and be so real? He shows me I’m on His mind. The moment He was there, then He was gone. I don’t know where Daddy went? Back into my subconscious? At least i saw Him, i have never had an apparition of Him before. I think i went back to sleep for a few more hours, i had this unbelievable pain in my head. I was dreaming of Him. He seemed so real. Holding me seemed so real.

I woke up around midnight, hungry,thirsty. My own children looked at me said ‘ you seem like yourself again’. I was, it takes my brain hours to process everything, i suffer from amnesia.

I told my kids that once we got back from errands, i checked out then. I didn’t remember making dinner, going to the gym, and had this great dream of seeing Him! My kids smiled, looked at each other, then at me.  I didn’t know what that meant.
They let me know that Daddy was real! He actually came over, He was very real. I couldn’t remember anything that happened, bits and pieces. I don’t remember anything that was said between us.  All i remember was i think i cried. I heard this calming voice say;
” relax, its going to be ok, its over now”

I still cant believe i missed Him.  Last night shouldn’t count. I wasn’t even conscious. Did i say anything stupid? What happened?

I actually deal with amnesia everyday. If you have never been through it, lucky you. For me, i have no control over when my brain will get these pictures ( memories). I go on overload. I’m not rational because my brain is doing to many things at one time. I don’t ever remember anything but these bits and pieces. Its hard when you get pictures like this. I am usually very afraid while processing, i get pictures back of things i don’t need to remember. I was even driving. And no,  i didn’t tell anyone what happened. I can hardly wait til my brain is done with this. Will i ever get all of my memories? When is this done? 

So, what was real? I guess all of it. I just don’t remember any of it.

One thought on “What was real?

  1. so sorry about this. Sometimes I get fear and anxiety and almost panic when I look at my life, what it is and how fast my time has gone by. And death just seems around the corner. Then of course I remember my husband’s religious tirades. its scary sometimes

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