HBIC. Fan girl talk, wtf?


I am a mom with three kids. Only one has left the nest. Once he was gone, i put razor wire, and an electrified fence to keep him out.

Don’t get me wrong, i love my children. But i would like my sanity back, sleep naked again. No one to wake me in the middle of the night, so they can tell me they threw up. Great now i am up, once i see it and smell it I’m joining you in the bathroom.

I have an almost 15 year old. I cannot understand a thing she says. She will say things like, ‘ I can’t even’ , or  ‘ OTP’. Should these things have some kind of meaning? Finish the sentence, stop talking in anagram speak, it was never meant to be a language. I’m pretty worried that she is  trying to give me a message about something important, only i need a fangirl dictionary to figure it all out. Will i even get the message in time? I’m a little afraid.

I know when i was a teen, i was a dork. I did talk in a language that my parents could not understand. Each generation does. I was fine when my boys were teens, they still seemed semi normal. But i want to grab my daughter by her shoulders, and just ask her, “what the hell are you trying to say?”  I think even Lassie was easier than this girl. How long does teenagedom last. Yes, i made up a word, if she can then i can.

I have thought about coming up with my own language, to confuse her. Maybe it will draw her out? She will talk in sentences again? But then i have this feeling that my new language will make complete sense to her, and i will be able to finally say ” i understand my teenager!”

I do feel that when talking to my teen,  that i should be able to write on my resume that i speak a foreign language. Just don’t ask me what its called, i feel so ‘ what is air’ . Oh my god, she is brain washing me, I’m really learning to speak fangirl. Squee!!!

New thought! What if i can learn this new language, and say whatever i want, whenever i want, Daddy will have no idea. Hmm i am thinking of all the possibilities!!


10 thoughts on “HBIC. Fan girl talk, wtf?

  1. That actually could be an interesting approach. Fighting fire with fire. And as the mom of an 8 year old, who also had him at a young age, it kind of scares me that I couldn’t follow the lingo. I’m under 30… Was I supposed to become a grown up this fast? Lol.

  2. myarousal says:

    Reblogged this on myarousal and commented:
    Teen age years while difficult at best….seem to be easier than the 20’s when children feel they are “entitled” to anything and everything, including your financing it as well…..then of course the 30’s when they now know “everything”…..they tell you where you went wrong with far more authority than when they were teens….One day after attempting to save my son from from obvious consequences, and his retaliation at my suggestion….I told him….”I can’t save you….I am no longer going to try…..If some day you wake up and want my opinion….call me ans ask.”…..A few months later he did call and requested my opinion. I was shocked actually. I first asked him if he got up today and hit his head…..lol…..he asked why….obviously he didn’t see the connection…..but now 3 years later he asks my opinion….I give it and he does what he wants….PERFECT!

  3. Cara says:

    I’m 38, my mother is 70…I wish I could ask for her opinion. But never in my life has she allowed me to be without her opinion, which she parcels out in the form of edicts, ad though she were Mousollini on the balcony. When I was 8 she told me which kids I was allowed to associate with at school; when I was 18, she inspected the teeth of the boy who came to take me on a date, and, when his teeth weren’t up to her standards, she told him to go home; when I was 28 & in need of a career change, she chose my new career for me without asking me what I wanted; now I’m 38 & when we go out I can’t tell people that I’m a recovering alcoholic, I have to say I’m not drinking “because I’m trying to lose weight”, because she’s worried what people will think of her if they know her daughter has a drinking problem.

    • stacieinaz says:

      Im so sorry for your pain. I to have a mother similar to that, just more abusive. I had to ask her to leave my life until she could treat me with respect. As of now, we have not spoken in 10 yrs. I do miss her, but not the drama. I hope you get to enjoy your life, and congratulations on being a recovering alcoholic, that is a struggle all of its own. Good luck.

      • Cara says:

        Part of recovery is accepting that I cannot change my mother. She is who she is. I’ve become a sober, more sane person, and that helps, but she’s not going to change (at least not solely because I think she should).

      • stacieinaz says:

        Truer words have not been spoken. Same with my mother as well. I miss her, just not enough to lose my own sanity.

  4. miss agatha armstrong says:

    Love your post – I am almost 50 and have an almost 15 year old… She has a lisp so I’ve never known what she’s talking about and I get London talk …. Drives me potty….

  5. I am 38 and my oldest is turning 18 tomorrow. I also have two younger teenagers 15,13. Plus we have adopted two older boys, Ones in College and the other is just starting his military career. They all speak this weird lingo that When I finally catch on to some parts of it and say it to them they look at me like I am crazy and to old to speak like that . Ibsaid it to Sir one time and He DID NOT APPROVE. But now I catch him doing it when the family is all together. I just have to laugh and keep trying. Enjoy the little thinks cause their kisds will do it to them and you can sit back and enjoy the KARMA.

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