How did I miss it?
Let’s backtrack here just a little. Daddy and I will be celebrating 6 months next week! That in itself is just fantastic for me, I don’t get these small anniversaries often, hardly at all. I don’t make connections like most do. But I recently realized, as I was making a gift for Daddy for our anniversary, that He’s been right in front of me the whole time. I couldn’t see it, I didn’t appreciate it, I just refused to believe. The gift seemed to be something I needed, as much as show Him I noticed,even as i recently lost my way again. Hope He loves it!
From the moment we met, I could feel something different about my Daddy. I know I can say He’s like no other man, but really He’s not. He is one of those, ‘once in a lifetime’ kind of men, and I only recently realized it. Only recently woke up, and realized I have been wasting time not appreciating Him more. I don’t want Him to go, but I have not been the display of the slave He was so proud of.
How could I be so blind? Maybe this part is not my fault entirely, men have come and gone, many many many have lied, or said what they thought I needed to hear. I was stupid enough to not see the difference,between the two, when the truth was right in front of me. I have no words. I feel shame.
See, to make Daddys gift, I had to go through our old messages. 6 months worth, if I still had them? Well, I didn’t have 6 months worth, but I had enough, and then our memories of stuff we have done! There was one thing that was constant, he didn’t waiver, I did. Now, there is a part of this history that will not be revealed here, but it has brought me many insecurities. But each mssg from Daddy was consistent. Did I actually listen and hear Him, no. I have caused my own pain and my own insecurity, granted things could be different, but now Daddy says it will be soon. At first, this was not a good enough answer, but after reading all these mssgs, his consistency, I can honestly say, ” I’m listening now”.
How many countless times He assured me He was happy, wanted me to be His, was glad I was giving Him more control and behaving myself out of respect and reverence for Him. Ok, I do have my moments I’m a brat. But the point hit home. Daddy was even patient, til I was ready, to stay the night, have threesomes. He has shown me time and time again that He is here, no one can take Him from me, He’s not going anywhere, or looking. I , again, can honestly say, I was not listening, I didn’t hear him. I do now Daddy!
After a bad sub drop episode, whew. I ticked Him off yet again, my Daddy has the patience of a saint, but I recently had to reread His mssgs , and inside the message was the answer the whole time. He loves me, wants the best for me, He has complete control,so stop being such a brat, Daddy is always right here, He never wanted me to freak out over things in our past. I have mssgs that He was actually worried about that very thing. He has reminded me, yet again, that He is in charge, our life together is Him leading and me following, things will be chang soon when He makes it happen, not me demand it. But I’m cute when I try.
I hope Daddy saw that I was a product of a bunch of useless doms/exes of the past. That I never meant to hurt Him, or disrespect Him in anyway, shape, or form ,about trying to control things or tell Him what to do. I can let Daddy be Daddy, and relax in the fact that we are near the 6 month mark, and we are still standing. I don’t know about Daddy, but I feel very strongly that I’m in the right relationship , at the right time, with the right person. I need to be more quiet and listen. I need to trust more, after all I have read for the past 2 1/2 weeks I should be able to. BDSM is not perfect, I may need a reminder or two, but Daddy has a belt for that, ouch…
I love you Daddy, I really do. These are not mere words that we just say to one another. Because I said it first in August this year. And I think with all you have on your plate, and I have put you thru you took your time as well, and said it October 1,1015. I can tell you meant it, I have many mssgs from you reminding me of many things that you said. Please know that I am listening now, that you dont say anything you dont mean, thank you for your patience, I long to kneel in front of you , my Daddy, my Master, my King, for a long time!
I love you Daddy