He has been right in front of me the whole time.

How did I miss it?

Let’s backtrack here just a little. Daddy and I will be celebrating 6 months next week! That in itself is just fantastic for me, I don’t get these small anniversaries  often, hardly at all. I don’t make connections like most do. But I recently realized,  as I was making a gift for Daddy for our anniversary,  that He’s been right in front of me the whole time. I couldn’t see it, I didn’t  appreciate  it, I just refused to believe. The gift seemed to be something I needed, as much as show Him I noticed,even as i recently lost my way again. Hope He loves it!

From the moment we met, I could feel something  different  about my Daddy. I know I can say He’s like no other man,  but really He’s not. He is one of those, ‘once in a lifetime’ kind of men, and I only recently realized it. Only recently woke up, and realized I have been wasting time not appreciating  Him more. I don’t want Him to go, but I have not been the display of the slave He was so proud of.

How could I be so blind? Maybe this part is not my fault entirely,  men have come and gone, many many many have lied, or said what they thought I needed to hear. I was stupid enough to not see the difference,between the two, when the truth was right in front of me. I have no words. I feel shame.

See, to make Daddys gift, I had to go through our old messages. 6 months worth, if I still had them? Well, I didn’t have 6 months worth, but I had enough, and then our memories of stuff we have done! There was one thing that was constant, he didn’t waiver, I did. Now, there is a part of this history that will not be revealed  here, but it has brought me many insecurities.  But each mssg from Daddy was consistent.  Did I actually listen and hear Him, no. I have caused my own pain and my own insecurity, granted things could be different,  but now Daddy says it will be soon. At first, this was not a good enough answer, but after reading all these mssgs, his consistency,  I can honestly say, ” I’m listening now”.

How many countless times He assured me He was happy, wanted me to be His, was glad I was giving Him more control and behaving myself out of respect and reverence  for Him. Ok, I do have my moments I’m a brat. But the point hit home. Daddy was even patient, til I was ready, to stay the night, have threesomes. He has shown me time and time again that He is here, no one can take Him from me, He’s not going anywhere, or looking. I , again,  can honestly say, I was not listening,  I didn’t  hear him. I do now Daddy!

After a bad sub drop episode, whew. I ticked Him off yet again, my Daddy has the patience of a saint, but I recently had to reread His mssgs , and inside the message was the answer the whole time. He loves me, wants the best for me, He has complete control,so stop being such a brat, Daddy is always right here, He never wanted me to freak out over things in our past. I have mssgs that He was actually  worried about that very thing. He has reminded me, yet again, that He is in charge, our life together is Him leading and me following, things will be chang soon when He makes it happen, not me demand it. But I’m cute when I try.

I hope Daddy saw that I was a product of a bunch of useless doms/exes of the past. That I never meant to hurt Him, or disrespect  Him in anyway, shape, or form ,about trying to control things or tell Him what to do. I can let Daddy be Daddy, and relax in the fact that we are near the 6 month mark, and we are still standing. I don’t know about Daddy, but I feel very strongly  that I’m in the right relationship , at the right time, with the right person. I need to be more quiet and listen. I need to trust more, after all I have read for the past 2 1/2 weeks I should be able to. BDSM is not perfect, I may need a reminder or two, but Daddy has a belt for that, ouch…

I love you Daddy, I really do. These are not mere words that we just say to one another. Because I said it first in August this year. And I think with all you have on your plate, and I have put you thru you took your time as well, and said it October 1,1015. I can tell you meant it, I have many mssgs from you reminding me of many things that you said. Please know that I am listening now, that you dont say anything you dont mean, thank you for your patience,  I long to kneel in front of you , my Daddy, my Master, my King, for a long time!

I love you Daddy

Advertisements

15 thoughts on “He has been right in front of me the whole time.

  1. sleeplesskoko says:

    I love this story! you shouldn’t feel shame you haven’t seen him before that way… your post make my heart “warmer” 🙂

  2. missagathaarmstrong says:

    my lovely – you are so hard on yourself… we must struggle with these things as these are the things that make us realise that our Daddy’s or Master’s have chosen us – that they see things in us that we just cant fathom… they write and tell us things that we just don’t hear … right then , but they know, they really do know that we will go back and revisit and suddenly one day we will hear what they are saying, we will see what they see – and …. look,…. they are still there, waiting for it to dawn on us …

    I have been mine for four years….just as lovers… aways on His terms, but when i look back… so many hints were dropped…. then this month last year, we started on this new journey. As you know, i hardly hear from Him, but when i do… now i listen. i have learnt to listen and learnt to trust Him unconditionally.

    darling girl – if you ever need to talk, my email is on my “about” page. x

    • stacieinaz says:

      Thank you, I appreciate your words so much.it was just recent that I was so overwhelmed and yelled, not so much at him, but out of frustration, he said I am making him regret some things. I can only hope He really didn’t mean it. I feel so lost, I do think this gift was a blessing in disguise. It has helped me remarkably to know why I love being His, why I don’t really think of leaving, but I need to work on timing and wording so I can say it, and listen when He speaks to me. Thank you again.

      • missagathaarmstrong says:

        oh my lovely – it is not easy. think of it as a journey … a very long and beautiful journey, but sometimes in our journey there are road blocks…. and these are hard… we stumble and fall and get oh so sad. we say things we don’t mean, not out of anger but frushtration.

        I doubt very much He regrets anything…. why you ask… well because He sees you and He knows that our way is hard.

        sometimes, the simpliest thing – to accept – is the hardest thing. x

        But my sweet girl – have faith – in yourself.

      • stacieinaz says:

        Thank you so much. I will take your words to heart

      • missagathaarmstrong says:

        and if you ever need to talk … to an old llama… i am always here…. or on email. sometimes, its just good to have someone to dump all thats in your head – to know that you are simply not alone in how you feel.

        I know that Mr F is always so happy to see that i, His little slave as a place where i can talk and find comfort in others words.

        i promise to listen, and never to judge and always to hold your hand when you need a hand… x sweet dreams darling one –

      • stacieinaz says:

        Thank you so much, you have been most wonderful!

      • missagathaarmstrong says:

        just as you are most wonderful too – and i really do mean it – if you ever need to scream shout cry and just have a really good whine… i am right here –

      • missagathaarmstrong says:

        This is not an easy path to travel – but my darling girl – from my experience of being all on my own for over 40 years and thinking that i was a freak… it really does help to be able to really talk to another – to hold a hand – even over the airwaves… so , please, if there is ever ever anything that i can do … i am right here. x

      • stacieinaz says:

        Thank you, I may have one or two things to chat about

    • stacieinaz says:

      Maybe because I’m on my phone, but it doesn’t want to give me your about page. I did try

  3. missagathaarmstrong says:

    and as for timing and wording… oh my darling girl – this old llama …. she can hardly speak when He is around… and timing – not her forte…. but He knows i try and as long as i keep trying…. that is what matters most to Him

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s