Choose now…

His words burned through my mind like a wildfire taking on the desert, it will destroy everything  in its path. I knew when we spoke last, He has some kind of plan forming in His mind. I just had no idea that it would push me to the brink. Make me want to run from my life, not face this imminent death of my old self. He pushes me so hard, He only has one prisoner, my mind. I am strong willed.I have this feeling that He is not worried about me surviving this, He is going to break me, or one of us die trying. The Dom in Him will have the full control He seeks, or leave me lying in the corner of my mind.

“Choose now” he growls, with this unrequited tone. He has given me time, He is done waiting.

My only words for Him were;
“What do you want from me?”

“Everything babygirl” , as He spoke softly,but with a firm,gruff voice.

As I try to understand Him, from His point of view. Why does He require ‘everything’ from me. Is it because I’m the one He wants to be with, create a life with, be with as we watch the kids grow up and move on with their lives. Make plans with. Make love to, explore with, try new things with, share how our day was, know someone is truly there for you, have someone to hold as you drift off to sleep, to talk to, to know that someone cares, that person that loves you beyond reproach and would not disrespect  you, nor deceive you. To make this whole journey in life make sense. To grow old with. Have new experiences with. Eat Mexican food with. To kiss you. To share tears when needed. When memories come, good or bad, someone to sit next to you. No words to speak, you can feel their presence,  and that is enough. To snuggle up on a rainy day. To watch Netflix with. Eat steak together. Find time for many more things. A lifetime together might not be enough time, but it will be a good start. ( isn’t this what I asked Him for when we met).

When I finally get that He understood what I knew I asked from Him, when we first met. He gave it all ,to show me He wanted that too. I was the one holding us back. My fear of trust, the unknown. He wants to know , if I can give Him all of me, all my trust? This  moment  comes down to the final ‘ yes or no’ question. I bide for more time, giving an excuse of going slow and learning to trust. To Him that is not good enough. He asks for it all, 100%, now or never, take that leap of faith with Him.

What shall I say…
I know what I want to say…
I know what my heart is saying…
I can hear my thoughts loud and clear…
Can I give what He asks…
Do I love Him enough …
The past hurt me, nearly killed me…
To give what He asks of me, is like handing Him the blade, that could be the final cut that kills me…
There is no one to ask…
No place to hide from Him…
Just me and Him, in this moment…
He is piercing my soul with His eyes, I can feel Him burning me…
He knows what He asks IS everything…
He just stands there, ready to take my hand, never give it back…
To be His, only His,forever…
I can hardly think…
I know what I’m going to say…
The words are there, as my mind let’s go…

To my last dying breath…

Yes Sir, 100%

Now comes the real test, as He heard those words, now I must prove it.

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14 thoughts on “Choose now…

  1. 27spankings says:

    This is beautiful ❣

  2. missagathaarmstrong says:

    Yes my darling one … x

  3. Shalom says:

    i feel you. i will begin that very task… proving what i have offered Him in words over distance, by intimate actions in the same city! ~~slave tasha 💜

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