Stop pushing me

Well, that’s what I want to say. But those words will never come out of my mouth, as it would just spur on more tasks. He would see it as a quest to break more things in me. With all the breaking of me, I should be a diamond when He’s done.
Things I am not allowed, by His law, to do:
Never back away from Him
Never say no to Him
If I’m on task, get it done asap. ( with as little complaints as possible, he loves that)
Follow my rules.

I have my best friend of 4+yrs, she has been the Domme in my life for a while. As she gives Him control over me, she will still share things with Him. I must watch myself with either of them, as they are hunter/gatherers (dominants).
I am as smart, never let them see me sweat. They will use that against me. Never show fear, they can smell it in the air, like a dog on a hunting trail. Dear god, why are there 2 dominants here, I must love a challenge.  Stupid girl.

As I plead with the Domme to help me, tell me how to do each task that I hate. Show me how to try to enjoy them rather then cry,complain,  and throw a tantrum. She just throws her head back, and laughs. I am at their mercy.

She asks me what He has asked me to do. I tell her that I think He has confused me with Betty crocker, or Martha Stewart minus prison. Well, life with them… nah let that one go!

She has this grin on her face, she says in a passing tone,
“You don’t do dresses , and only sexy skirts” she smiles an evil grin, she knows what He’s doing to me, she wants to see what will happen.

.” save me from these tasks”. But she just smiles.

” You need someone stronger than you, He is. Someone who will take control of you, and not put up with your shit, He does. I won’t save you, I want to see what He does with you. I’m watching, if I feel you will be harmed, then I will question Him” 

She leaves me. Standing there between my 2 dominants that love control. As she has taken more of a backseat and let’s Him do as He should.

I will not let Her leave my life, I need Her, as she is the only female ever ( mom issues) to gain my respect and control. I do still spit venom at Her, until she picks up her phone… she reminds me He is only a text away . I immediately back down. Give Her control back. I will not choose to disobey Her and then deal with Him. It’s usually  worse for me.

“What if I cannot make Him happy?” I ask.

“Babygirl, you missed the point ,you already have, you submitted to Him”.she says.

She can be so encouraging. Sometimes I forget why I need them both. I don’t think He has any idea, that she got me to submit without having sex or any relationship with her. I owe Her everything as well. When I was in the gutter, used, broken, just a bloody mess. She didn’t walk by ,or judge me. She stood in front of me, called to me. Told me to get up, never let them see me this way.

She cleaned me up. Set me a path, not my true path, that was for any dominant I chose. She took care of me. Let me party, while on Her leash. I could have lots of sex, but she liked that I had rules for them to follow, and I never backed down.  Where they saw beauty, she had seen the me that was dying from misuse. She vowed to not let me die, and instead make me stronger,lovely, let my fun side out. She had no idea I was the wild one of them all. She does now! She really has her hands full with me, so does He.

But as she lovingly points out, you are having a tough time because of the past. I think to myself,  ‘no shit ‘. I could never say that she would text Him, maybe even call Him…

“Do you know what your babygirl just said?” ( I can hear her say it to Him now )

Yss, they are sort of like a set of parents. Lol. When I think back over my childhood, I never had what they give me. I was always rebellious.  But then there was no one at home but me, I was stuck raising their kids. But now, things have changed. That second childhood that most remark about, I’m having that, but mine is not so much fun.

No candy, no.pop, be in by a certain time. Don’t spend money. Who are my friends.  What am I doing with my life. I am not wearing that out of the house.  Treat them properly. Treat myself properly. What they say goes, but mostly it’s Daddy.I must write. No drinking. Stay off my phone. Check in with Him. They will know what I’m doing at all times. Get my ass to school. Stop biting my nails.

Rules when I was a kid, rules now that I’m a grown ass babygirl, only with sex, and spankings. Funny thing, I broke the rules back then too. Only now someone actually cares, and holds me accountable, Daddy, and Ma’am.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s