It sounds extreme, or alittle improper, but it will make sense, keep reading! Would I lie… only to save my ass from Daddy, but even then it’s useless.
What do you do when you have a challenge before you? Well, one of 2 things, either face it or run from it. Since I’m a wild baby girl, only fear I ever acknowledge is snakes, hate those fuckers. So, when my Beast is telling me that He sees a change in me, and not for the better. Idea, time for some self reflection.
Now I must take the time, figure out what changed. How to deal with it, or not.
Now that I have the Beast breathing down my neck. Requesting that I tell Him what changed. I must face myself, any demons. My conclusion, was that the past and the present, finally met up. Football analogy works well here. All are in position at the yardline, everyone is ready for the ball to be in play, but who has control of the ball? The past, or the present?
I can honestly say, I have worked on so many past issues in the 6 months with Daddy. I am not sure if He was fully aware of it all, but to not give Him credit would be beneath me. Usually when I think He’s to busy, not paying attention, I’m wrong. So, without even having that conversation with Him, we will assume for everyone’s sake that My Beast is not a stupid man, and saw the damage path in me, and just pressed on.
He has pushed me very hard in these six months together. I pushed back, I also surrendered and kneeled before Him, Out of complete reverence. Anyone who was willing to put in the time as He has, definitely earned my respect. I have been hurt beyond repair, or so I mistakenly thought. He has so kindly pointed out many times, that He will not allow me to stay there.
This last push, was to finally break me into pieces, the last remnants of the past that reflect in me. He saw it all. I thought I was hiding them so well. From everyone else, yes. Hiding them from the Beast, no. He pushed, I pushed. He pushed harder, I stood there and took whatever He threw at me, daring to never back down. I’m anything but weak. How dare He think I am. Only, He doesn’t . Now I was confused.
“WHY BREAK ME?” I scream.
“Because I want to, I will do as I wish with you. Broken you shall be” He growls
The fire I feel inside, at these moments, is red hot. I can’t even look Him in the eye. As I see what He means. If I stayed the way I was, I lose. To give Him what He wants, I grow and get to have a life.
In that moment, I hate Him, but I love Him. A past Dom started this work. I only let Him get so far. He wasn’t staying in my life, so why let Him see me shine. Why give Him the credit? So I left Him. But with my Beast, the devil, it’s completely different. He says He will be staying. I guess six months showed me that He meant it.
As i got comfy with Him, He changed our game plan. It was Him deciding, when was the moment to start pushing again. I have fought Him,hard too. He gave a command, I questioned. He was not amused. I didn’t expect Him to be, just answer my damn questions. He would be silent. MOTHER FUCKER, I hate His silence. But then it started breaking me, be silent unless about a rule, do as He wants, be calm.He reminded me He was pleased I withstood testing. He kept pushing. Final test on it was no sex, and He was barely speaking, for a good chunk of time. My sub friends would look at me, say they wouldn’t let a dom hurt me or disrespect me like that. I would have to say then you don’t understand true submission.
It’s ok to push your sub out of Her comfort zones, past her breaking point. If Hes a true Dom, then He will catch her when she falls, He will know her true limit as He can see it all, where she cannot. I was clouded in my own judgment.
As I prepare for this final battle. I’m was geared up and ready. When I say final, no He’s not leaving , neither am i. But I hate giving in. He has put me on task, He has beaten my ass, and yet I won’t give in. This moment had to be extreme enough for me to understand, He couldn’t wouldnt give me control, it had to be done. I had to face this moment on my own. But this self reflection, I really looked in the mirror, I am done fighting. I like all the small breaking He has done, it was for my best. So, why should this be any different. I start to take off the armor, no battle this time. He completely said, ” fuck your comfort zones babygirl, this is the biggest push, and you will take it. I will be with you, but I won’t back down,but you better. My way, not your way, choose.” I thought he nearly killed me. He warned me in texts ‘ not to piss Him off ‘.
As It took every ounce of me, every shred of life in my body to give Him what He demanded from me. I gave it. I was like a cat pacing the floor, back and forth. I was looking for a weak spot to go for the jugular, none. It would happen with/without my acceptance. I wanted to reach out and hurt Him, as He was killing off the last bit of the old me. He didn’t need to be near me, His voice on a phone is enough to make me bend. Make me think. Do I really love Him? Do I really want Him in my life? Do I see this lasting a long time? I tried telling myself it wouldn’t matter, but the answer damn well mattered. How do you fight for something if you don’t take a stand? You can’t.
The deal I made with my devil, my Beast, was for Him to do what He must. Break me, make me fully His, own me, but on His terms only, He would do as He must to take me. Penetrate every part of me, inside and out. He was prepared for the fight to my death. The death of my past, death of my old life. The devil himself had a fight on His hands. He never backed down from me, or cowered in the corner, or ran crying Home to mommy. No, He stood in front of me, arms crossed, eyes full of fire, spit like venom. Everything I have ever needed.
When He was with me recently after the battle, as He came in I kneeled before Him, I surrender. He grabbed me by the hair, pushed me on the bed, lowered my panties, put my arms behind my back and held me there. He fucked me from behind, with the hand in my hair He pulled me off the bed, and pulled me into Him, placing His free hand across my waist, bringing His head to my ear, his voice strong and clear, he said,
” You are mine, I will do as I please with what’s mine, understand?”
All I could do was shake my head in agreement. As I won’t walk away, but I must give up my resistance. He wont walk away, Im still in His chains. I can feel the fire in His words burn my flesh, He pushed me back onto the bed, and did as He pleased. He doesn’t have any idea how much I needed His last push, or for Him to remind me that I have been claimed in His name
(♡ My Daddy, Master, Beast, and the devil himself♡) My pleasure and my pain.
The real me survived. He knew I would.
I love you Daddy, and you most definitely know it!