To stay, or not to stay. That is the Q…

One of my most favorite people in the world came over for dinner last night. I could tell the last few days, that something was up. Texting me out of the blue, asking me how I’m doing. Ok, what’s up with you?

When he walked through my door , I felt the weight of the world come in with him. When I inquired how he was doing, he just looked at me. No words needed to be spoken. He just looked like he lost his best friend. In way, He is/has. When he did finally speak, I was not prepared  for the message. His heart is broken. Even the simplest  of questions was to hard to answer, for either. His girlfriend had cheated on him, again. I can say that after the first time, forgiveness is tough, but if it’s something he could do, then that’s great. He chose to, the first time.

I am not a cheating kind of person. I do not look at another man and think the grass might be greener. If that’s how someone thinks, then they have already left the relationship,  it’s just done.

My friend , he’s not the cheating type of man either. He is more like me, then he cares to admit.Yes, he’s my son, my baby. His father, on the other hand, was the cheating type. So, my friend/son  knows the pain of that situation.How your trust is just fucked up for a while, til someone comes a long to show you better. Now that he’s an adult we are very good friends. I respect him as a person, and that he trusts himself enough to make his own decisions.

One thing I did do wrong, was stay in my own marriage for far to long. The cheating started six months into the marriage. I just let it go. Obviously I had no self worth then. I even had women who knew me and my then hubs, and would tell me who he was cheating with. I taught myself and my children a very awful lesson. If you don’t care about yourself, no one else will. If you don’t have any self respect, no one will show you any. I found the courage after many years of bullshit, to walk out the door and do my own life. Learn to love me! Because I am worth loving. My goal was to find the proverbial ‘needle in the haystack’, a man who would not cheat on me. I finally have that with my Daddy, the patience alone was hard, but so worth it.

During my own self realization though, my kids were left in the aftermath of divorce. I was elated to be free from prison, my sentence  was done. The judge opened the gates and made me a free woman the day he granted my divorce (January 2013).

Anyone who tells you to wait til the kids are grown to divorce or leave, is an idiot. Children are resilient when young,  but not when they live with abuse, or when they see day after day,  emotional detachment.  Which was my ex and i. Two people who were never in love. It was a marriage of convenience. Two horny teens with religious parents. They weren’t about to let us live in sin. They were so wrong. I don’t even agree that if you get pregnant, that you must marry the other parent of that child. What if it was just about sex? Then staying with that person is a mistake. The child is never a mistake, the relationship -yes. I have been through this personally,  I did not marry the second guy.

My friend/son does have a child with his girlfriend. This is still not a great reason to get married. The fact that he was not wanting to propose, but then decided to, he did finally propose. It is his life to do as he wishes, I will be by his side. I will give a 100% of my support, but I will not, no i cannot, tell him what to do. I did ask him to wait to marry. I said, after the baby is born, if you can last for two years, I will give my blessing, because I love him. I just don’t see this as something  to rush into. In fact ,after the birth of a child ,is great time to put the breaks on. Reflect on goals, are you two really in this for all the right reasons. If unsure, take your time. There is no rush, keep in mind that this is your happily ever after,maybe. Unless you wish to be married more times then Liz Taylor, put the breaks  on. I know several people who didn’t marry the person. Children will be the toughest job you ever do. If you think for one moment they will add to the  wedded bliss,  you were mistaken. It’s usually harder with kids, then without. Children need you to make a well informed decision.

A little  bit off track, but I know what he’s thinking.

So, do you leave when the child is young? Yes, absolutely, If you see no future.  This is a good time ,because then that child does not see all the damage. They are still formidable in their growing years, and can see a hopefully healthy relationship  between both parents. Still not making up his mind for him, but this has always been a reason that most people stay, the kids.

Love should be easy, not so damn hard.
The love I have for my Daddy, well it’s easy!  Being in a relationship  with Him, easy. I have never had that before. Heard about it. Sometimes  I do start to get anxious, think to myself ;
‘ why am I not having to work harder in this relationship? ‘  It then hits me, this must be the real thing. I have heard about real love, seen it, but never experienced it, that is til now. If I’m wrong ,prove it. Daddy and I have kids, none together though,there are 5.  But the moment we met, we said the kids will always be first. Has it been easy? not easy, but worth the scarifice of putting the kids first. As Daddy and I want long term together, we know our relationship is important, but our kids are just as important to us. Plus  I would never want to waste Daddys or my own time if this didnt feel right. Being with my Daddy, I’m just happy. I wake up happy. I go to sleep happy. I would love to have Him near me in bed all night, but I’m  happy. I want to spend time with Him, talk to Him, know how He’s doing. I’m just happy♡

As you can tell, my sweet son,  my friend. I will not be giving you answers. Just things to think about and consider.  Your life is your own. You do get out of life, what you put into it. I know you have the capacity for great love, you are my son. You are a great dad. You have been a very loving and thoughtful boyfriend to your woman. Just my observations. I know we are both hopeless romantics! We want the happily ever after. What I will say, do lots of thinking right now. Cry if you need to, life hurts sometimes. I’m always here for you. And to also keep in mind this is just a moment in your life, a year from now, you will be doing life and all this will be just a memory. Whatever  you choose will be the right choice, and I will stand up for you 100%. You are one of the people I love so much. Don’t forget that, ever.

Psst: you’re my favorite♡   LOL

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2 thoughts on “To stay, or not to stay. That is the Q…

  1. missagathaarmstrong says:

    so sad – but such a blessed fellow to have you in his life x

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