Getting thru the holidays

This will be tough, just writing this post, the tears are in my eyes, but I’m strong enough to fight them back, at least til I go to bed then let them silently fall from my eyes,  as I miss everyone in my world, no matter how small my personal world is, it’s all mine. I hold everyone I love so close to my heart. It’s just how I am. If I love you, you get all of me.

First off, I lost my fluffy this year in Feb. It just happened so fast, her going down hill. She was 14 yrs old, would have been 15 a few months after her death.

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Here is my babygirl with my cat. She was the best cat. When I was sick, she didn’t leave my side. When the kids were gone,after divorce,  she didn’t leave me alone. Now when they go I am completely alone. I miss her. I could tell her all my secrets. She loved me without question. I miss you fluffy.

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I lost my son years ago, but the heart wrenching pain is still there. Whoever said time heals all wounds lied. It doesn’t heal all pain, you just manage it. I still long to hold him, kiss him, talk to him, know how he is doing. I wouldn’t wish this pain on anyone. You are always in my thoughts babyboy, I miss you all the time. How many times I have wished for death to make the pain stop.

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This loss here was of my own choosing, all the people in my family are quite dysfunctional.  Being a part of their lives, well just wasn’t an option. I do miss them,  especially around holidays. The loneliest time of year.

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My cookie face! My favorite little man. How I love you so much! I will miss my sweet boy when he’s not living near me. I can’t see him when I want. This little one means so much to me.

I am not sure how this year will go. Although my Master put me on task the last time I started crying over all of these people in my life. The memories  they have given me, I hope I remember them! LoL. I have just started this Hanukkah /Christmas season and already I want to pack the tree up, dive under the covers of my bed, just get thru the holiday quietly. If I font think about the pain , then it isn’t real, right? Wrong,  it’s ok to feel, it’s ok to miss them, it’s ok to feel lonely. I just need balance. The libra in me needs balance. I did get to share my heart. My Master will probably have ideas of how to help me get thru this time, but I really want to go hibernate and hope everyone goes away. There is still a Master to care for, and more children who need me.

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6 thoughts on “Getting thru the holidays

  1. You’re in my thoughts. I lost my mother almost a year ago. And this was the first Thanksgiving without her. I really felt it. Know that you are not alone in your grief. Hold close to your Master. He will see you through.
    Hugs!
    Tess

  2. Kira Harte says:

    Hugs to you and I hope the holidays get better.

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