To see my Master soon

Usually I look forward to this, as I know sex will bring about the hottest passion between us, the best I have ever had. It’s so hot , you are melting, out of breath,? maybe even a little light headed. We do actually collapse on the bed. Hearts are racing, I want Him to hold me close, but let the sweat stop, and let me catch my breath. Once we are back to normal, He holds me close, reminds me that though He just used my body to its capacity, filled every orifice with His sweet seed, I’m not His slut this moment, I’m His babygirl again. The one who can try to get her way, but He still melts and will let me sort get my way! I don’t think He can help it, He’s just a sweet Daddy♡

But if you think it’s all about sex, then you seriously missed the point.  I can write all day/ every day about the passion we have for each other. It’s the relationship between us that outshines the sex. The bond between us ,why the sex is so incredible. For those who wander into our lifestyle,  read a few hot books, think you understand how we live. You have no idea, not until you have given your heart and trust over to a true dominant. One that meets your needs, He can see your naked soul, before you have ever undressed before Him. He can tell when something is heavy on your mind. He knows you, and in return He will let you learn of Him. He will allow you to kneel before Him, to serve Him. This is truly the part we are after from the start. If you are lucky enough, He will be the only one you will kneel for, hoping for forever. As kneeling is not taken lightly, it warms His heart. 

As you have become lucky enough to be His, He will train you, break you, mold you. Then He will fuck you like the dirty slut of His, that you are. Until that time, you have never been truly loved, touched, or fucked by any man. Only a dominant can do this, your dominant.

I am lucky enough to have found mine. It wasn’t easy, but it never is. It will always take time. Each story is unique. As you feel like you are a wild flower growing wherever,  and He picks you. You will always wonder what He saw in you. But always remaining grateful, will show Him how much you love to be His. But don’t take Him for granted. He knows you aren’t perfect,  but that is what His correction, punishment,rules, and structure is for. If you have found this, then treasure it, as much as He treasures you. For you have the start of something beautiful that doesn’t come along to often. Then to one day , be collared by your true love, owned by Him,for the whole world to see.

This is the stuff we live for. This is not in the books you read, you must actually crave our lifestyle,  it runs in your blood, through your veins. You know you can never be with a vanilla person again, they have nothing to offer you. Only that true Dom can give you want you want/need… a safe place to submit. The real  happiness.

I love you Daddy♡

Wtf happened here…

I really couldn’t say, not for lack of words, but no sleep for days, no food, a crazy dream, reality set in. Where is my Daddy? I didn’t know. FEAR.

After days of no sleep, wondering what happened to Him, stepping over a boundary I would never cross, taking anxiety pills to calm down, the brat came out in full force, I was anxious, frustrated, scared, and in a stubborn mood. When I’m at my peak of stress I start throwing up, so add in days of that.

When I finally hear from him, He has news of being in the hospital for days, completely out of it, He wasn’t sure what happened to Him, He had a sound of fear in His voice that, at one point, He thought He could die. We have such a strong connection, I knew something was wrong, I didn’t know how to find Him. How to help Him. I had no peace, I only wanted Him.

On top of this I refused to eat. I didn’t go about my day as I normally would. I didn’t follow my rules. Then add in it is the holiday and I was already not in the mood for Christmas, missing my forever child,  then having to drive my kids to their other parent, made me feel like a chauffeur.  Then it hits me, I need Him, can’t reach Him. I was more upset about how I felt ,then what He might be going through.

A text appears on my phone, it’s been 2 days. I was finally going to know what happened, you think I would feel relief, I did some, but I’m exhausted,hungry, scared, stubborn,bratty, anxious, and frustrated, throwing up , and I was not about to let it go, I couldn’t. I am actually clearly upset with Him. I find my mind is saying ‘ I’m so glad He’s ok’ but the rest of me wanted to unleash my fury.  Rather then pick a better moment to quietly discuss a few issues, I pick this moment. That was a smart move. Immediately He’s not feeling like His sweet babygirl cares for Him, she’s on the attack. He goes from being sweet and trying to help me understand what He’s been through, to full on sadist. He’s just met His match. He didn’t miss a beat, and I was not about to back down. I didn’t give any thought to what could happen if I didn’t, I was feeling brave. At least until the next day, I got a little bit of sleep, the med I was given made it all a huge blur, reality was sinking in. It really did happen, it wasn’t a bad dream, it was on my phone. He is always wanting me to say what I’m thinking, but I dont think  this is what He meant.

I wasn’t sure what could happen at this point. This has never happened between us. We have had  some small arguments, 20 mins later it’s over. But this was tougher,more emotional for me, I was clearly a very stubborn babygirl, now facing a very pissed off sadist Daddy. Who will win? Plus we are not just in the lifestyle,  we are in a relationship. Is this how something should be handled?  No. It went bad, very fast. I could have done better. Let Him know how happy I was that He is alive, because I was/am. I love this man beyond words. But I could have calmly said I needed to speak to Him, I have some concerns, some issues, plz lets talk when you are feeling better. I know He would have listened and we would have figured out how to handle things. We usually do. We work together that well.

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This is the reason I’m afraid to be near him at all right now. Maybe if I wait til the new year,or longer. I know I will have to face Him eventually. I know the sadist in Him has already been filling His head with ideas of suffering, and pain. All the punishments I just took off ‘the list’, are probably all back on, and He may have even added more. I don’t take any of this lightly. I really don’t know how to be in His presence right now. I have screwed up before, but I have never been so scared that I just lost it, and clearly I lost it. We have slowly opened up to each other, a good thing, there is much to talk about. See where this all went wrong so quickly.

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Now it’s time to face my Daddy. I don’t know how to do that just yet. I’m nervous,  and quite frankly scared, different kind of scared (not abuse scared). If you don’t understand our lifestyle, then you have no idea that what I have done, is a cardinal sin. To push Him the way I did, to show Him disrespect as I did. I am being honest, in a public forum. Maybe you can learn from my mistake. Even being a long time slave, I am not perfect, or flawless. I know He loves me, I love Him. Now to see what will happen… can we move past this? Will we be able to face the issues at hand and move past them? There’s always hope.

My date tonight!!!

I have a date with these 2 wonderful people! Now, I do belong to Daddy, but I think this date He wont mind!! I’m making yummy healthy snacks, we will all be in pj’s. Laying on my bed, up very late,  hope Daddy won’t mind!!

It’s my kids! We always watch our xmas movies together, always the same ones. I love this time with them, see these are more things that money just cannot buy. I love things like that! They mean the most to me!!

Like spending time with Daddy too!!

So far it’s sounds like my date night will go great!!! The only I would want is Daddy at my date night with kiddos, but Daddy hates holidays too, He might get bored. Besides Daddy is fixing up His car! He got parts in, so I’m sure He’s a happy Daddy!!

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These are in no particular  order.lol

Always

As I am driving to drop my kids to my ex, a car in front of me has problems. I quickly assess, I am hitting my breaks HARD.  I know I have no guarantee I will stop in time, it’s not the cars fault, or mine, shit happens. I put my arm out ,straight across my son’s chest. I stop in time. My son and I look at each other.
I say, “You’re safe with me”.
“Always”,  thats all my son said.

I start to quickly remember that Daddy has done that for me too. He’s been there every time I didn’t know if I was safe or not. He checks on me, has me text Him so He can guarantee my safety. Even when I get scared, He’s right there and He reminds me…
“You’re safe with me”.
“Always ”

I love you Daddy♡

Thinking bout last night, this shit just got real

So, I got to spend the night at Daddys,first time. Since He told me to pack and basically hurry up, I did. I was excited, but nervous too. Another first for us.

Here’s how the night went!!
I packed for Daddys home, I was finally getting to spend the night. I was ready, heading out the door. I texted Daddy to let Him know I was on my way. Once I got there, well let’s just say , every time I see Him, I smile deep inside and think to myself, ‘damn, I’m a lucky girl, He’s gorgeous, makes me feel special, and I’m His.  Honestly, that’s what goes through my mind every time. I mean, everytime!

So, He walks over to me, kisses me! Damn, this is going to be fun! There was a moment when we weren’t sure if we should stay at Daddys to eat or go out. Daddy asked what I wanted,  I was hungry, ‘ let’s go out!’. So, Daddy took me to a place to eat, I even got to have pop! But when you haven’t had pop for so long it tastes funny as not as good as you remember.lol.

Once we got back we watched a movie, we had such a good time, I had seen it before, but still like it! That was fun. Daddy was reminded,by His friend, that He did have a prior engagement that night. I was fine with that,  it gave me time to be on task, as I had to get things done, Daddy would expect it. Once Daddy left, I started feeling very much at home, like I wanted to be the babygirl He comes home to, only I had never stayed over before, I didn’t know where anything was, so I also felt out of place. 

My task was to clean up Daddys home. The day before I had gotten a lot done, it looked worse than it was. I had most rooms done quickly,lots of picking things up, putting them where they belonged. I was glad that Daddy let me focus and get things done , cuz He did say ,if He wanted me to stop what I was doing and service Him, that I must. So, I was prepared. He didn’t do that, maybe He could tell I was very focused. I was, I didn’t like the thought that my Daddy was living with any mess, but He works crazy hours, not His fault. Plus I love to clean, and that feeling makes me feel right at home. I noticed quickly that I felt like I could clean after Him for the rest of my life. He appreciated my hard work! Never felt that before (by my ex), but Daddy is different.

So, Daddy got back later that night, and I was so happy to see Him. I was hungry and happy! Daddy quickly got us something to eat, then we adjourned to the bedroom. After I ate, I got to snuggle up to Daddy, I could do that forever. He makes me feel so safe, cared for,loved, appreciated as His property.  But I didnt finish cleaning His whole house, or laundry. But after eating and snuggling I was so tired, Daddy didn’t know that I had kept dosing off on His couch while He was gone. I haven’t been going to bed early. Either way I should have done things Daddys way, I wanted to sleep, Daddy wanted to have sex, and i was on task. Daddy let me go to sleep. I can see now how this was my problem, not Daddys, and I should have done things His way. I do serve Him, so I should expect that to come out on my ass. Damn…

But we did wake up early, I was horny! Usual for me, Daddy is always horny too. So sex was on! Although Daddy likes this certain toy, I hate it,  I usually think if I take my time getting it He will just let it go and fuck me. He doesn’t,  but at my house He demands it be waiting for Him. Now I see why. I so hate that toy. Also, being in a new place could I make noise?  Daddy gave me hints to let me know I was doing as He wanted, but same as my house, I was trying to hold back so I wasn’t to loud. My kids complain to me the next day, and I didn’t know if Daddys neighbors would complain to Him, about the loud noise coming from His home that sounded like some girl was being killed.lol. I’m loud! I did go ahead and just make all the noise I wanted,  it’s not often that I get to fuck Daddy at His place. He does have a roommate, and that person wouldn’t understand. Lol.

I did have a very nice time with my Daddy. My only problem was sleeping in a new place, not knowing my way around better for cleaning His home! But I know I love my Daddy. I did see that He works hard. All the time I think that He must just forget about me, cuz all I want is my Daddy, does He feel the same ,feeling comes over me, each day. Now I got a glimpse into Daddys world.
I loved being in His presence,  talking to Him, listening to things He’s passionate about. He even let us just be our vanilla selves, I hold back on that to. I know I can do vanilla ,but Daddy and I are not strictly vanilla so I don’t think I’m supposed to get used to that. I will have to ask Him. I can see myself living with Daddy, in any capacity.  Does He want me to think like that? Cuz it made it hard to want to go home. (Tears)

Here’s what gives me tears, even as I’m writing. I love waking up to this man, that scares me. Does He really want that himself? Does He want me to think like that? I’m a girl, we will think like that. Would I want to make this man happy for the rest of my life? Yes.  I had sworn these types of things off after marriage, not that I have to marry Daddy, but could I cook, clean, live with Him, still respect Him, give Him every part of me, be His?? Yes.
I remind myself it’s not this minute, but in the future, yes I can. Daddy felt like I was feeling something this morning, I was, but I needed to process it. I take my time processing. I will try to work on that, I know Daddy wants to know how I’m feeling,  He has every right. I don’t want to keep things from Him, but I didn’t even know this morning I felt this deeply about all these things. It makes sense now.

One thing I did love love love… being with Daddy, sleeping near Daddy, waking up to Daddy. I still feel like I’m right where I am supposed to be. HIS.

I get to see Daddy again this week. This writing makes me feel very exposed in front of Him. So, I do want to know how He feels. I could really listen to how He sees things too. I want to know!

Merry Christmas all of you who read my blog, hope you have a great holiday.

For me, I’m trying, ( tears are setting in), I miss my son, tomorrow is buying balloons for all of us to release Christmas morning, we have done it since my son died.  Love you babyboy, you are on my mind, in my heart. I love you J.E.

Right where I want to be, I want to be Daddys!!!

How am I so sure? Because He is in my thoughts, in my heart, and in my dreams.

He’s a source of happiness for me. I miss Him the moment He’s not with me.

I long to kiss Him again. Feel His touch. Hear His voice.

Recently , Daddy let me know how He see’s a direction for our future. That was exciting for me to see, that we are both on the same page, that we think alike. We still want the same things. We both like what we have together. This really added to my happiness. I like those subtle hints from you. They let me know you see a future for us. I like that a lot. I have been so happy in this relationship with you, still am. I love you more each day, if that’s possible. Thank you for always showing me how you feel about us. I like being reminded. I like to that no matter how affected we are from past relationships,  we are still standing here, facing each other,  nearly 8 months later.

I don’t recall ever being this happy. You make me smile, I’m just so in love with you. Having your love and care is an amazing gift. I know it’s ok to be vulnerable with you, for you are my true protector, my safe place, and my only true love, my Daddy! I love how you see me, the real me, I never feel like I need to hide from you, because you see me, even when I’m trying to be invisible.

♡babygirl

I love you Daddy, omg, so very much!

Our love is a fairytale Daddy

Daddy, was home today for some much needed rest. Once Daddy wanted me to spend the day with Him I felt like a princess, like this:

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But once I got to Daddy, He reminded me of my rules. One of them is to clean Daddys house. So within moments of feeling like His princess, this is what came to mind:

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So, I did as I was told, I cleaned Daddys house. I complained only a little. Daddy heard it a few times and asked me if I was complaining.  I quickly was out of the vincinity of where Daddy was , and let Him rest! I shouldn’t bother Daddy…

I got most of it done, Daddy seemed thrilled. I really was pretty happy thinking I was almost done. Then Daddy showed me the back room. Then the backyard, the storage area. Oh my, Daddy smiled that evil smile of His. Which told me He will be watching ,to make sure I get it all done.

Daddy and I got to spend some quality time together, it was hot!! As always. Then we started talking, we talked for quite sometime,  I really enjoyed that as well. Getting to know Daddy better, I like that. Usually He’s so tired when I see Him during a normal I feel guilty taking up His time, but I really liked talking to Daddy today.

I absolutely love this man, I’m so glad He’s in my life. I am so happy we both want long term. I have no intention of giving up.im excited about spending time with Him this week!

I love you Daddy, sorry your plans had to change. Hope that you still have an amazing week. I definitely want some more time with you!  

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-babygirl