They were all my bitches, but one…

I was talking with a friend tonight, J. He was laughing about my dating life. It’s been quite a ride, but one thing rang out for sure, there has been only one Dom who could keep my attn. I have had wealthy, poor, famous, non famous, professional  athletes, there’s been assholes , bikers, nice guys, chefs,but the truth is, They were all my bitches. Meaning… I am submissive,  but I wasn’t THEIR submissive.  They were nothing but play things to me. I didn’t long for any connections, I just knew it wouldn’t be lasting. I didn’t get personal, they knew my name, but not my fav food/color/car/Vaca place.  None met my children , they would not be staying in my life. I didn’t ask them questions, I didn’t give a shit about any of them. It was just sex. At least I could tell myself, ‘think like a guy.’ No emotions, no connections.

Don’t get me wrong, I wanted a connection. I looked, but none of them were what i was longing for. For the brave few who wanted to try to be my Dom I was harder on them.  Not just because I could, but if they dared to think they had what it took to be my Dom, then they deserved to be put to the test, test them I did.

For those few who tried to control me, I call the shots here, i knew how to get the upper hand quickly. There wouldn’t be any sex for 3-4 months. I will let you know when I’m ready. I will talk to all the other men I want,  cuz I haven’t decided if they would even be staying in my life. I still didn’t get personal. Don’t ask for naked pics. I never told any of them that I was in love, I knew I wasnt, I knew something was always missing.

I did take some time off from Doms, my personal life needed my full attn. I did get a mssg from this Dom that seemed quite interested in me, but then I was still a submissive asshole , who thought she was unbreakable, not about to submit. I didn’t worry about their feelings . They were my bitches, but this Dom was different, but my life still needed to change. So I went on my way, didn’t waste His time.

So, a year goes by. I have a much nicer demeanor. I don’t want empty sex anymore. I really do want a connection with a true Dom. I am ready for this. I put my fetlife profile back up, within 3 days there are 32 doms who think they could qualify as someone I should get to know. I narrow the list down to as few as possible. But a few weeks later there was a mssg, from the Dom that wanted to get to know me last year. I’m already intrigued. I need to know why He was so different  from the rest.

My mind starts to race, He was a good guy, a true Dom. I mssg back. We start a conversation,  and I’m still intrigued. He is kind in text, but I can  get that He’s a Dom through and through. I don’t think anyone has been able to keep my attention for long in texting. Now im excited. We promptly agree to meet in public after talking for a few weeks.

The one thing about this man is He’s confident, He’s demanding, but respectful at all times. He can actually keep my attention. He’s demanded my full attention so we can both decide if we are right for each other, which meant that I need to stop talking to all other men. He does not want to feel as He must compete with other men. That makes sense,  so I quit all contact with other men. I do need to find out what it is about this Dom that has kept my attn, why I find Him so irresistible. 

After our face to face meeting,  I did know I want to spend more time with Him, get to know Him. He treated me with such respect, and was still His Domly self all night long. I think He picked up on how submissive I really am. As we were getting to know each other , He showed me more of His Dom side. Something I haven’t seen in a Dom ever, as I can usually get the upper hand, and make them into my performance monkeys. Have them begging to see me, giving me lots of attn. I don’t care about their gifts, money cannot buy what I’m looking for. But this Dom, I didn’t get my way. Everytime I tried one of tricks, He countered with something opposite. Nicely done. I knew when we were walking back to our cars, I needed to get to know this man. I couldn’t control Him. I was so happy to finally meet a Dom who was in control , and at all times. Now I’m excited. I think I may have found someone worth getting to know.

I can definitely say, He never let me get the upper hand. He did hand me some rules as we were still getting to know each other, I do think we both needed to see if He can truly be my Dom, and can I be truly submissive to Him.  I’m impressed,  He does know how to control without taking over, since He’s aware I haven’t given my submission.  He plays by the rules. And much to my surprise He doesn’t ask for naked pics, doesn’t try to get me to submit , as only a true Dom knows that comes with time, trust, and of my own accord.

I am pleasantly surprised by this man. He’s so much more than expected.  He’s not letting me be in charge. He doesn’t try to get His own way. This may be the best time I ever have with a Dom.

Let’s fast forward… He’s still respectful,  now He does take full control, after 7 months  He’s had my submission , and has  for a while. He  has given me many rules, which I must follow.  He plans on getting rid of my bratty side, mission accomplished.  I’m to afraid to be a brat, that just pisses Him off 99% of the time. He has taken the time to break me. He decides when our relationship moves to the next step. He has talked about collaring,  He’s never collared before, I have never let anyone collar me. We both have walked away from many relationships, but this between is going well. I have immense respect for Him. I willingly follow His rules. I have pushed Him to see what I can get away with, now that’s not an option any longer, it’s His way or I’m in trouble. I am submissive by choice, I want this man to remain in my life. He shows me such love and care. I try to do the same for Him, I am truly happy.

As J. And I were talking, we both realized that I never took this relationship for granted, this Dom has never been my bitch, I’m so glad about that. I have gotten scared a few times, He has given me forgiveness and grace.   He has kept my respect the whole time we’ve been together. I gave Him my submission, gladly. I’m happy, really happy for the first time. Granted my discussion with J. Was much longer about how I never treated any guy nicely, except for this Dom. That there is something about Him that keeps my attention,  keeps me here which is right where I want to be. I did realize to, that in this lifestyle we do treat Doms and they treat submissives badly.  Until you find that one who is right for you, that can take control, as you give up control. I like who I am when I am with Him. I like how He pushes me to do better even if it’s tough, I long to please Him in anyway. The sex is so fantastic, but that’s from our amazing connection together, it just gets stronger and stronger. I have more respect for Him each day. I am always sure He’s the Dom I want. He’s unlike the rest. I will give Him anything He asks of me, I care about Him so much. I love being His slave, I love being completely owned by Him, I love Him.

As I hope you can tell , a Doms status, or all the money in the world doesn’t impress me. I want/need that connection. I have been rich, I have been poor, I even know how to make my own money and care for myself and my kids. I needed something more, something that only Daddy has shown me, a true Dom who can take control, I can trust Him. He’s who I want, I’m completely sure of that.  Thank you Daddy. I love you so much ♡

Daddy and I are basically a 24/7, TPE. we may not live together, but He knows what I’m doing at all times, who I’m with, where I’m at, how much money I’ve spent, He knows me very well. Makes me talk but gives me time to process too. I do have rules to follow. I do get punished, He told me not very long ago that He was in complete control since I’ve did show Him disrespect.  For some reason I think I can get away with crap, when will I learn. After my last time with Daddy and His punishment gets worse and worse, I don’t think it’s a good idea to give anything less than my best. I am His slave/babygirl  and will remain as His. He gives me everything I need.

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