The many facets of your bdsm relationship

First you meet, this is actually the easiest part. Go slow, make sure this person is for you.

1. Submission -will you be giving it or not. You decide how, and when.

2. Trust- one of the most important aspects of your relationship. Takes time to build.

3. Care- do you feel your Dom is concerned for you? Do you care for your dominant? 

4. Love- give this time to grow. But don’t be quick to say it. It’s more a feeling, it should get stronger with time.

5. Lust- do you both have this energy between you. Doms know how to turn this on! Not to be confused with love.

6. Sex- the icing on the cake! If everything else is good, this will be fantastic. Add is toys, fun n games, you can make this so much more.

7. Discipline- Doms need to add in Rules, Structure, and once you break a rule, act in a selfish manner, or be bratty this is what is deserved. If you don’t like this one, then behave.  Remember who’s in charge. I know easier said than done.

8. Togetherness – as you know each other longer, you will spend more time together. Then may include gifts, dates, fun things to do, ways to help you grow
‘Together’.

9. Communication -this one is to be established from the start, should get stronger. If this is off, everything else is off. Work hard on this one, til it becomes natural.

10. Journaling- most subs are required to write each day, your dominant needs to know how you are doing, Dom might not always be able to be with you, this how you can help the communication as well. A dominant can see questions you have, struggles you are going through. And should address them promptly, and carefully.  My Journaling is my blog. But for more private things I write them down where no one can see them. Some things are meant to be blogged about, but my Dom can see how I’m doing, I don’t hide from Him. Plus I do better writing, then talking. 

11. Owning- this can entail quite a bit. 100% of your submission has been given, now it’s time for the next level.i can only assume you have been broken by your dominant and that your dominant  is working on building you back up, the new you! And  as I am hoping enough time has gone by , you might be collared ( this is as close to an engagement ring in the lifestyle). An actual engagement ring, marriage, live together, long term dating, bdsm ceremonies.  Only you and your dominant will define this for yourselves. If more time is necessary, nothing wrong with that, these are big commitments,  you both should be sure.

12. Friends/family/kids- discuss with your dominant how you will both handle these. Will you tell anyone, or keep it your secret. Pet names so no one knows. Only you ,as a couple, will know what others will need to know. But do have the talk. Even in the vanilla world our ways aren’t always accepted. If kids are involved keep it age appropriate.  If they have questions , keep that one a need to know basis. My kids are older so I am more comfortable being honest with them.

13. Transparency – when you have known each other long enough, this should happen on its own. If your relationship is going in the direction this will reveal itself. You will know each other so well. No secrets, you both respect each other enough to tell every detail. You want that other person to know you. Make sure trust is established and strong. Revealing eveything  about yourself can be scary if the trust is not there, this transparency can’t happen.

14. Faith- are you religious, is your dominant religious. Make sure you can agree on this aspect. Or agree to disagree and not make the other feel guilty for not following what you feel is right. Religion is a freedom of expression.  If you wouldn’t want someone to stuff it down your throat, don’t do it to the person who means a lot to you.

15. Forgiveness – This should be required in any relationship.  Sometimes your feelings will be hurt, maybe on accident. You may have broken a rule, forgiveness is key. I can honestly  say if same rules are broken over and over. The person keeps hurting you, then take into consideration how often you’ve shown forgiveness  and see if something else is going on.

If you have time established  in your relationship,  then unconditional love should be present. No matter what that person has done, said , it can be forgiven and talked out. Service should be in your submission,  I know for me I have to serve my Daddy to feel whole. It’s just part of me whether He has a cold, is hungry, or just need to Him! I will make Him a priority. Safety is another subject that submissives don’t understand  with dominants. If you are required to tell your dominant  where you are going, where you are , whom you are with. Take it seriously, you don’t want to damage your relationship.  Protect the relationship.  Yes, sometimes we subs/slaves forget how important  these things are to dominants, we need remiders, and forgiveness.  Granted this is how I view the lifestyle,  these my thoughts. I have added in everything that is part of my relationship,  or has been discussed. Take from here what you need, or are missing. What I have with my Daddy is special, it’s our way, no one can define it for us. Same for you. Take your time looking for that person who completes you. Don’t go into this thinking you can change someone. Accept that person as they are. Things in the lifestyle  are set up so you change as a couple,  together, making your bond stronger.

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