Yes , I am. I’m His dirty angel. I am still in reverence of Him, as much as I have always been. Only now that I have revealed this secret, an opened that door, it’s to late to slam it shut, He wont allow that. I must face Him.The last part of me, that I had no idea I needed to let this go from my lips, I thought He could own me, while I kept the last lil bit to myself. Only I was wrong, He has to have it all. Did He always know I held it back? Did He wait patiently for me to reveal this. What will He do now that it’s out in the open.
Now that I have said it, how will He deal with me? Will this be a lecture? Will He take me by the hair the moment He sees me, put me on my knees immediately and show me my place? Will He be kind .He knows it’s all out in the open? What will happen to me… the mind fuck is the hardest part, waiting for Him to deal with me. He is as evil as I am. I feel helpless, to afraid to make a move. Right where He wants me. I can’t look Him in the eye as of yet.
Only He’s more evil then me, when it comes down to it. Must I hear His evil laugh as He will prepare before me His instruments of torture. Hear Him humming as He is ready to do as He wishes. As I take shallow breaths to not let my mind carry more thoughts of what could happen. Will this be the worst punishment ever. Will He decide to show some mercy. Part of me doubts that. What if He asks why this was revealed now, and not before. It was all Him, as He took control of everything completely just a few weeks ago. This was triggered. I have cried trying to hold it in. Did He know what each tear was about? What will be required of me now. How evil can He choose to be, that will have to be seen.
Please deal with this soon, as I don’t know how to approach you this moment. I’m sure you will tell me, but I’m afraid to have you near me Sir. Your touch will scorch my skin. Your hand may grab me by the throat, I won’t get away. You might throw me down and take what’s yours. Will I even survive your terrible storm. I am the one who brought out the Beast in Him, His wrath is mine to face alone. But who will save me, the Beast?
Why did I keep this hidden from Him. It did seem like the right thing to do. Then it felt like if I gave all of this to Him I would lose me. I know that’s what He wanted. Now that there is nothing left, I feel like I’m lost. In desperate need of direction. Will He have mercy and give that to me. I need my Daddy, my protector, only His other side is my Master whom I don’t want to face right now, for I am most guilty.
how safe am i? Even as He has said,
” Don’t piss me off babygirl”. Did i?
He has told me recently the penance for Him not being happy with me, and what He will do to me, or that He’s been to lenient.