Has it been 9 months already???

Yes, Yes it has! This is still exciting to me. To have someone be in my life this long, and still care about them, and be cared about! To still get butterflies when I see Him. That just doesn’t happen very often to me. It’s going to be a great day. I am so thankful for many things!

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I love you Daddy♡♡

-Your babygirl

He knows

I pull onto the parking lot, send Him a quick text so He knows I’m there. As I’m looking around for which direction he will come from. He appears between 2 vehicles, walking my way, our eyes meet. I am looking Him up and down. Damn, I like what I see.  My mind  wanders as He’s walking to me, I know what He looks like clothed or naked,  fuck, He’s so hot, and he’s as much mine, as I am His.

Once we are close enough, we fall into each other, His scent, the feel of him on my skin, the taste of his kiss, the look in His eyes. I want him right then and there. My craving is always the same, I want Him now! He pulls back and is looking at me. I want to know what he’s thinking, but he just stares at me, like he’s taking me in, studying me, my moves. He will be the wild beast I know he is, pounce on me right there. I promise I won’t resist. I will do as you say. I will obey my Master,  just command me and it shall be done. My devotion to you, is matched by the honor it is to serve you. Let me serve in this moment. Please us both Sir.

Only you show restraint, I’m not strong, it’s like the vampire who needs her fix once she’s had a taste. One taste of you isn’t enough. I need you. Fill me Sir with your sweet nectar, I need you still. My craving goes very deep. You are the only one I want, I need you soon. My Sir, my Daddy, My Master, My King… grant my wish, for time with you. I will promise to serve as your faithful slave, I want you to be able to look upon me, beam with pride, as you know I’m the only woman you allow to tempt you. I need you now Master.

As you lay me down, your commands obeyed to the fullest. I need to breathe, but you took my breath away with your love. I need to touch you, but you restrained me and I can’t move Sir.  I need to cum, but I’m trying to ask but the words fail me for the moment. I need you to let me cum, over and over, while you watch my body writhe in ecstasy from you taking what’s yours. He knows what’s His, He’s always known…

-babygirl

RIP Pig the cat. ♡♡♡

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We love you Pig. We will miss you so much. We had a great life with you. Could tell you all our secrets, you never told anyone 🙂

You were a good friend, sweet cat, funny as hell. You will always be the only cat I ever knew that swore they were a dog.

Maybe if we had known that yesterday was your last day on this earth, we could have comforted you, they way you always did for us. I’m sorry you took your last breath alone. We do love you, so much pretty girl.

You ate like a pig
Played like a dog
Acted like a cat!

In loving memory
Of ‘Pig the cat’
2006-2016

Exhausted doesn’t begin to cover it…

Life can take strange paths, new directions at any time. How you roll with the punches says a lot about your strength of character, lifestyle or not. So, how strong are you?

Me, I figure I’m made of steel about now. I have 4 kids, 3 are with me. With these children of mine, I’ve had my hands full. I am a trained first responder,  CPR/First aid certified. I have used my training many times. Also, when younger, I was in a nursing program to become an LPN (76 hours left of training), I quit.  While I was wanting nursing,  I became a certified nurse aide. I worked with geriatric patients, my specialty with all my training was heart, blind,  or stroke victims. I didnt care how old you were, my job was to train you to be independent and make sure you had a reason to live. As a trained CNA I took care of all dead bodies on 2 different shifts, and when anyone was about to die , well I was on call. I had to train all new CNA’s. The fun part of that was most had never been around a dead body, and if you have, then you know it can freak you out sometimes. Brain activity is prevalent for many hours, I have had ppl sit up, move body parts, open their eyes. You wanna have some fun with new aides, have them help you prepare a dead body for coroner pickup. They will run screaming from the room! It’s a tough job to do, but someone had to do it. I’m a hard worker, always have been, so once I had children they became my priority. 

I didn’t ever want to do pediatrics, I can’t handle children dying on my clock. I guess it was to personal for me. As my children  grew, one thing was for sure, my kids were all sick. My first has heart problems,asthma, blindness], He was hooked up to a pulse ox machine for quite a while. My job was to get him breathing again once the alarm went off. Any time, day or night, my job was to get his heart moving again.  Make sure his oxygen saturation was efficient.  Several times he stopped breathing on me. It took everything I had in me, to not break down ,but get him going again. My son would not be dying if I have anything to do with it.I didnt feel sorry for myself, this became normal to me. My middle child has 17 diagnosis. Some can be deadly, but just like with my oldest, I have had to let this child go through many procedures and most could have killed him, he has nearly died on me 3 times. But my baby is a fighter like me.  we don’t have time to feel sorry for ourselves, we have a life to live. My youngest has some diagnosis,  such connective tissue disease, mitochondria issues, epilepsy, asthma, To name a few. She is treated just like her brothers, we don’t have time to feel sorry for ourselves. She has died twice on me, both times i revived her. I will give her 5 minutes a week to feel sorry for herself, then we have better things to do. I have my hands full each day, as I have therapists who come into my home to help my children be independent.  I work with them each day too, plus I home school, its a better fit with sick kids. When my daughters’  seizures get the best of her, she’s full time care, that means it’s all me. I might be able to have a nurse watch her ,if I’m lucky, so I can food shop. All three kids have pain from connective tissue disease.  I am trained to do their physical therapy, and massages, middle son has hearing issues i had to learn sign language. I have been doing this since they were born. I don’t get days off, well sort of, my ex does get them but not for long, even in his care I’m on call. My ex never helped with the children, never gave me breaks, never could deal with any of it,never learned how to take care of the kids, would not learn how to save their lives, he wouldn’t even ask how they were because he couldn’t deal any of this.  I was angry for years. I had no life, no friends, no time to myself.

I have meds schedules,therapists, specialists, Dr visits, tests, x rays. My life is not my own. Two of my children will go on to have their own life, but one of them will have to live with me for the remainder of his life. I don’t have a problem with this, I’m His mother. I can’t handle the idea of anyone else taking care of him.

Now, I didn’t tell you all of this to complain, I’m actually just being informative. I’m showing what I go through on a daily basis, so you can understand how exhausted I really am. How i have a Master, and I put His needs before my own, as well. I’m always last on the list. I know how to take care of others real well. I have not had anyone ever take care of me, i suck at taking care of myself. I think my Master picked up on that, and took that part over. My friends tell me to slow down, do some things for myself, relax. I tried relaxing  before, it’s not really me. But it has affected my own health. I have to take care of me, no matter what. I have too many responsibilities to stop, or relax. It is nice when occasionally I can get some extra sleep. I tried all last week, only to have my kids need one thing after another, then calls from more ppl needing me.  Master was willing to let me sleep in, but every time I tried,  it wasn’t going to happen.

To be able to have my Master in my life, well let’s just say I make Him a priority. I juggle many things, all at once. So when things start to go wrong, I need that to stop asap, and I figure out how to get things to just flow. 

On top of all of this, I work. I have to try to get to school in the next year or two,  before my child support runs out. I have no sitters. I do get respite care since the kids can’t be alone. I cook meals, do all laundry,  yard work, clean the house, keep up my vehicle. Teach my kids. I also work with parents ,as a liason, when their children have been diagnosed with some serious health issues,i am their last chance of hope. I have to put the whole family back together again. I make time to be with my bff, I need my best friend, just to let my mind relax and have some fun. Even after all this I’m not prone to depression. But I did get stuck with elevated blood pressure. Keeping my kids alive, has taken its toll on me, but then I wouldn’t change a thing. These are my kids, they are fully,unconditionally loved. I would give my last breath if it meant they would stay alive.

A year and a half ago I got real sick, nearly died. An infection hit my bloodstream. I had no idea that I was that sick, I was working 3 jobs My kids stayed by my side, took care of me. I have the best kids! They made sure I ate, had meds, got to the drs. Because of how sick I got , my dr checks up on me. He even has his assistant call me to tell me to get into his office so they know how I’m doing. I’m a horrible patient. I don’t stay in bed. I would rather be up and busy. I don’t listen to drs orders. My Master will have his hands full on this part. I don’t get sick often. I try to do healthy things for me. My dr has his ideas of how to accomplish just that. Putting all this here, might not be wise, now my Master will know all this crap. He may use it against me. Plus I don’t think it’s as important as everyone else does.

Things I do know about myself. Once you have had to bring your own child back to life, it changes you. I’m a very strong woman, I can get through most things, but when my kids are in the ER, I still freak out. Daddy helped me calm down, no one had ever done that before, it was nice to not feel so alone when I was that scared. I need my Daddy. That is not easy for me to admit, that I need anybody,  I’m used to being disappointed or hurt, or abandoned. Someone sticking around and giving me strength is new for me. I also know, that if I fit you into my life, make you important,  a priority,  then you are special to me. I don’t have time for most things I want to do: hobbies, crafts,  decorating, photography.  Things I really care about.  I don’t even pamper myself. I do shop, but that is not helping, it’s more out of habit then fun for me.

I try to live each day, find the good stuff in each day. Some days that’s harder than others. I refuse to feel sorry for myself. In fact, as a single mom, I feel pretty good about my life. I afford a roof over our heads, food, clothing,  all my bills, can shop. But I don’t take my life for granted, ever. The last 3 years of marriage (before separartion/divorce)well we were homeless, my exes family took us in. It was the first time that we couldn’t keep a roof over our heads, no food, no clothing. I could only afford for my boys to get clothes, while my daughter and I wore their old stuff. It sucked for a while, but we got thru it ,but not fully together. The marriage had been over for quite sometime,so just me and my kids, yes me and my kids, this was the end of the marriage from hell, but we had to wait to do divorce, as we couldn’t afford much at all. 2012 was year of freedom. I am still a strong person. No family, but my kids. I have a few good friends,  but most importantly I have this man in my life! He makes me feel not so alone, like I can get through anything, like somebody cares about me, that I didn’t give birth to.  because He is with me, by my side, fighting for me/us, and not against . This is all new to me, very new. I’m always afraid I’ll screw it up. I haven’t been part of a couple in so long, I don’t know how to think that way yet. It is nice. I mean I only saw love at the movies, I’m smart enough to know that wasn’t real. But this feels very real, it has me in tears because it’s so beautiful.  I don’t want to lose it, it’s just so different from anything I’ve ever had.

Today is not a great day. I have my reasons, but I will figure out a way to get back to me. Get through my day, this I know how to do… survive.
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-His babygirl

The different types of spankings

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There are 5 main types of spankings. I’m glad there was questions, I will write extra blogs on your questions. I do realize some people are new.  Always talk to your Master/Dom first, they will want to train you themselves, or clarify things. If you want outside help, in my opinion, it’s best to ask your dominant if He/She will allow that. I do get questioned a lot by dominants, they ask my background,  with many years in the lifestyle I’m qualified to help subs/slaves with any advice, I don’t know everything , I will be honest about that, and give my honest opinions. No, I don’t train, one on one, anymore. But I do blog about many things in our lifestyle,  so if you always welcome to scroll through my writings. I’m not an expert, just what we call a ‘seasoned’ sub/slave/babygirl.  Yes, I have been all 3. I’m not dominant at all, well unless I gave birth to you. I’m not a switch, tried it, hated it. I need a dominant in my life, on every level. My Master definitely understands this, and gives me what I need.  His guidance, His dominance in and through my life.

Let’s talk about spankings!!

Sexy spankings– A.K.A – funishments.  These are fun and playful spankings. They get you hot and bothered. My Daddy is great at these. Even after He has entered me, He will still swat me on the ass, it gets my attention back on Him, gets me out of my head space. 

Punishment spankings– just what it means. You either broke a rule, we’re a brat,  was being disrespectful, you didn’t do as you were told. In my case, with my Master, if I don’t answer fast enough, or don’t answer Him at all. Sometimes I’m in a different headspace, and the answer hasn’t come out of my mouth quite fast enough for Him. Sometimes I am a SAM (smart ass
Masochist) and I just refuse to answer. I can think the question is unfair, like no matter how I answer He wont be happy, or there is no good answer so I stay silent. He doesn’t care for either.

Therapy spankings- these are a MUST for me. In the past, before I knew about this kind, I was abused, lost,anxious,stressed. Once I learned what this type of spanking was. I realized how much I needed it. Has not a damn thing to do with sex. But it will keep me grounded. My life has many stressors, so 5-10 swats on my ass, I feel this euphoric feeling. Stress melting away. Balance is back, my attitude has been adjusted. I had some great friends (couple) after divorce that, would have me over weekly, just for this. I had pent up rage, so tying me down to a cross or spank bench was necessary. It could take about an hour. I didn’t feel any pain then, I was numb. I didn’t flinch. I didn’t cry. Just needed this release thst therapy spanking gave me. Eventually the couple saw how I never quite let the past go. And the therapy became harder. It was in my best interest.  I finally broke down, yelled back, for the first time ever, used a safeword. Once I was unlocked I had to be carried to a nearby couch, where 4 subs would start aftercare. My backside was nearly ripped open, that’s how strong mentally I was. Even the Master who was helping cried, He was glad I could finally let that pain melt away. Now ,I can feel pain. I was a pain slut, once I got all the crap of the past out of my head, I’m a real girl now! I firmly believe in this type of spanking. It’s also maintenance for me. I do try to not discuss it with my Master, I try to handle things on my own.  He’s busy, can’t do this everyday, but I do know there are days when He just turns me around and smacks my ass hard. My mind let’s go, my body is alert, but less stressed. It’s what I need. 

Role play spankings – to be discussed before a scene takes place. Agreed upon by both parties. If you are an established couple in bdsm then at some point you don’t discuss it, you just know it might/might not be a part of a scene. For newbies, stick to discussing this. You need to agree to it. For people who don’t do pain, but have play partners, again stick to discussing it. With play partners you don’t give up your full rights, you have a say, plus if it’s not working for you, you don’t do pain. Say something.  Always have a safe word, use it.

Hardcover spanking- yep you guessed it. This is for those special ones that like to give pain (sadists), and those who love to recieve (masochists). I get a safe word, I hardly use it. I like some pain.  I used to be a pain slut,  but working on my past, released that. I usually think to myself, that I can take whatever He will dish out, but He see’s that look in my eye or something,  and says to me on a mental level ‘wanna bet?’. He wins everytime. Ok, a few times I can take it. Or He will warn before He starts this is how many I have coming,  no He wont stop/I can’t stop it because I earned them and deserve each one. So ,depending on my attitude, He can and has added to the list once He started. Now He gives me a choice, beat my ass or take the hitachi, ( I hate the hitachi) I know many women who swear they love that fucker, I dont. Which was the reason I didn’t buy one when He ordered me to. I bought the jr. He finally wouldn’t take anything less than the real one. I have always hated them. And now when I ask to play, He will require that toy (His toy) and a video. He likes that I hate it, you have to see His face, he’s completely happy. He knows if it wasn’t a rule that I can’t move away from Him, I would be moving away from Him. When I ask to play it’s with my toys ,that I actually like!

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With any kind of spanking, please make sure you are with an experienced spanker. This is truly important,  as many things can go wrong. There are areas of permanent damage. You need someone who will learn your pain tolerance. You need proper care afterward, or if it opens up. You need to have your own spanking equipment, nothing shared. There are pieces of equipment that you can purchase, or have someone make. ( St. Andrews cross, spank benches) were what I was used to. My Master now, puts restraints on me and ties me to my bed, yes my bed is bdsm ready. There are many places/positions I can be tied in. Find what works for you. I am a babygirl,  but I have never liked over the knee spankings. I find it a humiliating pose for spankings, but that’s just me. I know many babygirls who love it. The beauty of our lifestyle, to each his own. No judgment.

I hope this helps those who read my blog, wanted to know what maintenance spankings were. It just made sense to HIT on them all. Lol

Last but not least,

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I don’t necessarily agree that you have to be married for this. But I do believe in this kind of life with having a Master. I think women can have all the rights they want, and cherish. But once you live together, or marry, you are His. This is called Domestic Discipline. It’s not abuse, so learn the difference. A man is the one in charge, I’m a firm believer of that. Women can be, if she’s a single mother, then you are in charge. Once my Master took over, I was no longer ‘single’, so my life is no longer my own. Granted we don’t live together, but if we ever do, this is the kind of thing I expect. It doesn’t mean He doesn’t care about you ,your feelings, or treat you well. It just puts the balance back into the relationship,  back into the family.  Men were to always be in charge. I think commercials on TV are horrible how they emasculate men. You also don’t have to agree with me. These are my personal  beliefs. This is the kind of household I like. Plus I’m a bratty babygirl, this keeps the balance.  And I hate being in charge.

-His babygirl

He has more and more rules, oh no…

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I’m not sure what happened recently,but I have had rules for quite sometime now. Maybe i lost a bet? But I think He stays up at night coming up with new rules to see if i will abide by them, or fight. How do I keep them all straight?  I’m supposed to write them all down? Sure

So now it seems recently I had to downsize my closet. I did it. Without question, but inside I’m dying to know why He cared about my closet. Why was this required. But now to be able to shop, He is requiring I do it smarter. I don’t even want to know what that means, maybe someday…

He took all pop away,  no pepsi. I could have cried. No chocolate,  this is just sacrilegious,  plus that time of the month I would sell my soul to the devil for even a drop of chocolate.  Daddy has never had a period, He has no idea how calming the chocolate is to me, is more than a craving then. It’s just wrong. But I abide by this rule, but I’m mean to everyone cuz of the no chocolate,  (my kids have secretly met, planned a coup for my next period. tie me up and shove the chocolate down my throat, so I will be pleasant again. It’s that important that time of the month…  women understand this…

No revealing clothes. I have big boobs so nothing showing cleavage. Which means just shirts covering it all up, most cling to my boobs. But I guess it’s better than how awful this could be. I could be dressing like women from the middle east. Shit, now I gave Him ideas, that might be our next shopping trip. 

I broke out in a rash to my slave day collars.  I can’t have nickel. So I have to wear sterling silver jewelry.  Which is fine, but I have made my own. I like this, it’s a fun activity. I just either have to buy them or make them I’m sure He will decide.

I have to go to the gym everyday. I hate the gym. But I do go. I usually get one day off a week. It’s not enough! Lol. It’s just so boring at the gym, same equipment,  same workout. Day after day. Plz don’t tell me to change it up, I have ,it’s still all the same shit day After day. I do my best, I give it my all. Hell, Daddy is not stupid, not even a little. He’s gonna notice if I don’t get more fit. The diet part was hard. I tried several. Protein works best for me, cuz I hate to eat. It’s pretty easy to stick to. But now I have to eat, several times a day. Its awful, all I do is worry that all that food will make me fat. Trying my hardest.

He recently has been giving me warnings about spending money, and asking for junk food. I didn’t think it was that often til scrolled thru my mssgs to Daddy. Three days in a row, not good. I asked for junk food and spend money. But eating healthy is hard, and so is not spending. 

In November ,He took all my rights away. If I was going to be a bratty babygirl then He was done being nice. He took my right to ask Him questions,  only when He feels it’s important.  I lost my right to just start my day without permission.  I think I’m not even allowed to vote either:)   I know the constitution gives me unalienable rights. But I’m thinking  He is still going to infringe upon them. Our life is not I a free America,  it’s about ownership of His slave. It really a dictatorship as well.

Things I’m allowed to do:
Clean the house
Do Laundry
Take care of the kids
Watch TV
Take showers
Cook several meals a day
Do dishes or trash, or both
Clean Daddy’s house
Have sex with DADDY
… I think that might be all…

Yes I am a slave, I’m used to rules. But I get stir crazy staying at home all the time. It’s not easy, but being His is worth it. I’m sure He see’s  who He wants me to be. I hope I make Him proud, with each thing I do. I really do my best, even if I hate some things. I do love my Daddy, so I will behave ,do as I’m told. How many more rules will there be. Could He go easy with them, since the brat in me, that I trying so hard to get rid of, cuz Daddy hates that, wants to rebel, break all the rules. It won’t go good. I must keep the brat in me locked up tight. I know if I gave into that brat part of me, I would regret it. Who knows, maybe with getting the brat user control I won’t be in trouble anymore?? What Daddy doesn’t know is that the good kind of spankings keep me grounded, level headed, destressed, doing good with no brat. But I would need maintenance on that. He hits hard, think I will just take my chances with keeping the brat at bay.

No more rules/No more rules/No more rules. ( I hear you babygirls chanting with me) I need the support! Thx

-His babygirl♡