This one was hard, I had to really look at myself. Exam what is so hard to give up, oh yeah. It finally hits me, I think I still see myself as part sub. A sub is allowed to speak up for herself, voice her opinions, complaints. Subs can ask questions, renegotiate at they go. There is much more freedom, but you do give of yourself.
Being a slave completely different. I have no say. I cannot complain.i must ask to speak with Him so I can voice my ideas, opinions, complaints. If I want a say on things going on, well that’s not going to happen unless Master flat out asks you. How often does that happen, most Masters are good at making decisions for you both, so your input is not needed, or wanted. If it’s important to you, still ask to speak, that does not mean things will change.
Ok, being a slave is hard work. There’s a lot of trust involved. Both require trust, but the slave requires more. The slave must know without any doubt that she has put her life in the hands of the right Master. No matter what. So essentially slaves are quite strong women. No control, no say, no second guessing Master. You bow to Him, and make a vow to yourself that you feel you have chosen wisely. I know I have.
I do think this is the new trend in our lifestyle, most still want to retain some form of control, some say in their lives. So being a sub, or a babygirl will get you that desired result. The sub is strong enough to stand up for herself at all cost. While the babygirl can use her feminine ways to make sure she still has a form of control.
I have my babygirl side, but I’m His slave first, so my babygirl side ,still doesn’t get her way.
But now out having lunch with girlfriends, months ago, I was just listening to them. I was the only slave. They others were subs and babygirls. All of us talking about our dominants, but the rest of them were giving examples of just how much control they really had in the relationship. I realized I had none. 2 babygirls were talking about shopping constantly, I cant. 1 sub talked about putting her Dom in his place about something at home, I wouldn’t even think about that. First He would look at me like ; ‘ like who the hell are you talking to?’ Then my ass would feel it, not worth it. After a while, I realized all I was hearing was not the true lifestyle but some version that I guess worked for these women. Yet, they were quick to judge my decision to be my Masters slave. Pointing out to me that I ‘used’ to be a slave, and I should tell Him that I can’t be a slave any longer, I gave it up. I knew in that moment, that somehow I threatened them. By giving up all my power, and choosing to speak well of my Master seemed to get them riled up. The fact that I would wear symbols on my body to warn men that I belonged to someone, pissed them off to no end. When lunch had ended, I texted my Master to inquire if I could shop with my girls too. He said no. So after lunch, I was headed home, but I knew it wouldn’t be that easy. They were mad. These girls wanted me to shop anyways, I didn’t. I take being His very seriously. They did inform me that I was making a big mistake by giving Him all of me like I do, that there is no happy slave. But I was happy, even now I’m still happy.
The moral here is: that these women took it upon themselves to try to destroy my relationship. But I removed them from my life, they were toxic. I remembered lunch with them. I didn’t feel one of them was worthy to direct my life, let alone tell me how to treat my Master, I didn’t feel they respected their own dominants either. But one thing I do think is true, that I have a hard tie letting go my own subbie side in me. I didn’t see it before. But it starts by making me feel a disconnect to my Master. So this will be something I need to bring to His attention, I’m glad I even took the time to wonder what I was even feeling and where it came from. But there is a sub part of me, and she does rear her head in my life, but this time it’s only me. I do love being His slave, yes being a slave is difficult, but not impossible. I have done it before, but I should have never let myself become a sub, if I knew I was a slave. You cannot be both. You will talk yourself out of one or the other. In our world the sub would win. Look at all the commercials or advertising, it’s geared towards women being in charge, not subservient. So, the real question is, how does one get back to the basics of being a slave?
First, and foremost tell your Master of your struggling. Let Him define for you all changes He wants to help you be that slave He desires. He is your Master, so trust Him to do that for you. Then there is a lot of books, online sites, even training to go about being a slave. If you were a slave, as I used to be, then it’s in you but you need His guidance, His expectations, His direction. It’s about Him, I trust my Master will give me the pep talk I need. I also feel like He will be able to understand that I didn’t understand the struggle until I really did some self examination. Now I get it. Especially since both Master and I felt a disconnect , I think it is that sub side, she wants her way. Since I understand it now, I didn’t let that go through my head, nor did I give into those thoughts. I didn’t feel any disconnect this time, I feel very strong, very close to my Master. I also need to let Him know that my babygirl side should be defined . She wants her way as well. The babygirl was not the problem, it was my sub side. But to make sure the babygirl side doesn’t become a problem, it may need strict rules too.
I’m not afraid of that, in fact, I’m glad I figured out what was going on with me. I know I love Him, I know I’m happy. The problem was the sub in me feels the right to voice my unhappiness, or why I’m upset. These aren’t bad things, but I didn’t ask respectfully to speak to Him. I was acting like a sub. When He stops me from getting what I want, shopping, tell me what to do, that sub side in me really wants her say so. Now I notice. Now I can address this. Now I can have Master help me with this!
I was so happy to finally understand what was going on with me. I’m so much happier too. I want what my Master wants, His ways, His rules. I even struggled with the word, Master. He doesn’t require me to call Him ,Master. His favorite is ‘Daddy’. But however He chooses to change things, I will conform. I will do as expected. I will show Him that as He chooses is what I want.
So if any subs I know can’t handle that, I really don’t care. I’m very happy where I am in my life. I feel connected to Him. I like being my slave side, only I need it to not be a side, I need the slave front and present constantly. I’m sure Master will understand this. He’s a smart man.