I had been thinking recently about Daddy and I, how close we are. I have noticed how different we are now. We have evolved, so much from when we first got together. Of course that is natural progression of any relationship.
Ok, I had many doubts. None for any particular reason, I just doubt that I could find love. I think maybe I felt I didn’t deserve it. But now, I know what I was missing. I can see how this relationship with my Master/Daddy is the best I’ve ever had. There is something in this relationship, that was missing from others. I can’t tell you exactly what it is, but I guess it was a combination of many things.
After all this time, I still get butterflies when I see Him! I am happy when He’s with me. I feel safe with Him. Loved, cared for. Being intimate is by far, hands down, the absolute best I’ve had ever. I have no complaints.
Ok, I have one complaint…
Why couldn’t I find Him sooner, to have Him even longer in my life? But then I’m a firm believer in ‘ everything in the
universe happens as it should, there are no mistakes’. Even the bad stuff in your life, is not a mistake, it’s for you to learn something from it. Don’t live with regret. I have only a few regrets in my life, none are about my Master.
I am happy and content with my life. It is unfolding perfectly. I like where my life is , I feel I’m in the right place. At the right time. That is a great feeling. I have waited my whole life to feel this way. The one thing I’m learning. Life isn’t perfect, Daddy and I aren’t perfect. We have disagreements, but that is normal. Life throws both of us curveballs, it’s how you handle things. Life is not here to break you, but teach you. You will always be a student at life. But you can choose how you will do it, negativily or positively. I choose positive. Just keep in mind, I still have bad ‘moments’. I don’t let stupid crap ruin my day.
Yesterday, I had to deal with a situation that had me angry, for the moment. Plus I had to involve my Daddy, so I felt stupid. At the time this particular situation happened, Daddy and I had only known each other for a few weeks. I didn’t even know that this would be the man who would be my Master, the one person I could depend on with my life. So I handled this situation poorly. It was hard to face Him yesterday. I’m a smart woman, most of the time. But I should have known my limitations ( when I was married yrs ago, I was never allowed choices.’vehicles,homes,
furniture’, I was allowed only small decisions. ‘What to wear or cook’. I was a professional victim. But not anymore!
I tried not to beat myself up to much. I chose to say I’m still new to decision making. But now I have my Daddy!! He’s great at making decisions.
Honestly, I hoped He would make all decisions for me. He won’t. He actually gives me many times in a week/month, where I have to make decisions. He saw my weakness. It used to take me 45 mins to just pick where I wanted to go eat dinner, I’m much faster now! Daddy will put me in a scenario to pick a cute new outfit, before I see Him that night or whenever. I am only given guidelines. Then there is usually that message across my phone that says,
‘I better like what you choose, or you will do it agsin’. This message is killer to me. I will find all things I think He will like, send Him pics, He might comment. But the choice is up to me. I have actually stood at a register, and couldn’t breathe before, what if He didn’t like what I was picking? I have been that stressed before.
I don’t think I told Him that. Guess He will know now! The one thing I know to be true, is that I need my Daddy. Even as He has taught me that I can make decisions, I don’t take it lightly. Plus I know if the decision is to big, He see’s me stressing to much, He wont take control but He does remind me that He is right there, by my side, He there If I need Him. But I must try first. He doesn’t let me give up on myself. This is a good thing. I have never had this before. My Master is the best, as you have read this, you can see why. Only He could do these things in my life, yes I am a pain in the ass, I fought Him since I was used to only one way. Now I wish I hadn’t fought Him so much, but that was the ‘decision’ I made at that time. He let me. He also beat my ass for it. I hope as we have grown much closer, I have learned He wants the best for me. He see’s the bigger picture. He is setting me on that path to be able to handle every aspect of life. So, I can be a whole person. Don’t get me wrong, Daddy makes the majority of ‘our’ decisions. He is always in charge. But a great Master will see His slaves weak areas, and make her into a whole person. That is what He’s been doing for months. I love this man, my Master. There is no where on earth I want to be, except with Him.
* I didn’t even mention sex. It has nothing to do with personal growth that Masters teach you. Our lifestyle gets knocked around, we are told it’s only about dirty sex, and beatings. Did any of that come into play here? No. I have not seen many vanilla men do for a woman, what Masters/Doms , real ones, are trained to do. Which is see your weak, vulnerable places in you. Break you down fully, then build you up. They see the bigger picture. Their job is to leave you better off then you were before. Even if you don’t stay together, they still want the best for you. That is their job. Only true Masters/Doms take this seriously. If you happen to have one, or had one. Thank them for this, as a true Master will not put you together, just to break you. But if they see their efforts going to the wayside, they will let go. You probably had chance after chance to prove you would utilize their teaching, training. When you dont, you have yourself to blame. You didn’t really submit. They won’t force you to. But they will stop trying. One day you might regret that . You had that person right there trying to help you, and you were stupid enough to drive them away. I don’t take my Master for granted, nor His time. Training is not easy. Some days it’s awful, you have to honestly look at yourself, see if what Master is trying to do has real merit. Stop acting like you have it all together. Take the training, be humble enough to break, and go through the fire. You might just be surprised at the precious gem you become.*
I am my Masters. I will take any training, teaching He feels I need. It is for my benefit, since Master can see my weakness. I am just a little,tiny bit, very smallish… hard headed. But I do believe Master likes the challenge. It’s never out of disrespect, but more like I want explanation, show me why I need to change, do it your way. Recently, I have not been allowed questions. He wont give explanations. He wants me to trust Him. Do as He says. I have! I love when He is happy I stopped resisting and just obeyed Him. It does feel good. It’s also scary as hell.
Master had me downsize my closet. I am a clothes hog, shoe hog, accessory hog. My closet was full of crap. So He started there. I wasn’t allowed questions. He didn’t give me a time frame, I think He knew I would resist but then get it done. I did just that. I would take things out. Only to start yelling at the air in my room.
‘This is my stuff, why am I having to do this, how does this help me be a better slave, what is the bigger picture here, can He legally make me get rid of MY stuff,
My friends sat by and watched, helped me stay honest on what to throw away, when I did it alone, twice, there were 2 things in the bag. Once they left me alone with my closet. I actually tore it apart. I made peace with Master wanted it downsized. Even with no explanation. I guess deep inside I knew He had my best interest at heart, always does.
Once Master saw my closet. He knew, He knew I got rid of things , clothes,shoes, acessories, I went through it all. Then He gave me permission to shop, not build it back up, but to make wise decisions on how I would shop. I know He will be watching, as I always approve all purchases with Him. But I am looking forward to His next project in me. I’m sure it will be rough, they all are. But I want Him to be proud of me. I won’t ask questions. I won’t drag my feet. I won’t be resistant. I will obey all orders.
Thank you Master. I still don’t see the big picture, but you do! I’m so very glad you do! I like the things that change. Please forgive that I resist. I do love you so very much, and love you being Master over me. I can hardly wait to see who I will be when you are done.