Never give up, never surrender

This day has had it good parts, and some bad moments. The bad moments , well one got the best of me. I finally reached out to Daddy, I couldn’t take one more minute. I need His guidance , and for Him to possibly step in. Normally, I would have asked any male in my life at this point. But having a Daddy is nice. I know when I’ve reached my limits, and hit a wall. That point was just before I called Him. He knows I have been doing my best to deal with a certain business,  issues I have with them are a big deal. I don’t like being taken advantage of. I also see myself as a strong woman who can deal with most anything, but today I just wanted to walk away from it. I just d have no fight left in me. To tired, I need to Recharge.

My personal life got harder over the last few months. Taking care of 5 people is tough. No one ever asks how I do it. Why I do it. I am a female in a man’s world, taking care if business the best way I can. But there is a certain someone, who shall remain nameless that better get it together. The undo stress I am feeling is my limit.

Arguing with a dominant.  I will win this one.

Then by the time my Daddy requests anything from me. I can feel the brat in me, slink out of her cave,  yawn and stretch, then these evil thoughts run through my mind.  I am trying my hardest to hold them back, honestly I know what I need to destress and take on the weight of the world, but I can’t tell Him. Hell, He might even know, it’s like He’s a damn mind reader. My personality will just keep going, deal with the stress, even though I’m completely out of balance , not good when you’re a libra. My decisions are being made thru brain fog, I’m not sleeping. I’m trying to obey His commands,  but I almost swear He knows if He piles it on me to weigh me down, hoping I will ask for Him to put me back into balance,  think again, I’m stronger than that. I don’t break down easily. In the back of my mind my body is just aching for me to break down to Him.

I cant, it shows weakness. I hate weakness. His job is to make me stronger, by noticing weakness in me, He can guide me properly.  But this other side of me says ‘Fuck that’. Even my own child is against me. She even let Him know I was getting weaker, but I still won’t crack. I am not being obstinate,  I’m taking care of my life. If I dont do it.  No one will.  Never give up. Never surrender.

I think He’s trying to break this part of me. I’m cooking for Him. He wants me going to gym early in the day,  all I could think in my head was,  ‘Nooooo I need to catch up on some sleep, I’m worn the fuck out’. But none of that came out of my mouth.

Is He expecting complete control over every single area of my life? I think so…

As of right now,  I have a bad headache, dishes are done, couldn’t get to laundry, 20 thousand errands, I keep closing my eyes.  Mother Fucker, now I have to get to the gym, and still teach my bff’s daughter to drive. Feed my family tonight. Hope Daddy doesn’t have anymore requests.  Try to do dinner dishes, then hope to get some sleep tonight . Good luck with that, I sleep better when Daddy stays the night, but He’s been busy, but I found 5 mins to blog about it… go figure

*tried to proofread twice, closed my eyes both times. So fuck it.

Good part-i got to share something with Daddy last night, it was really important to me. I tried in the past(way before Daddy), to share this part of me, but got such negative responses, so I held back.  Thank you Daddy,  I feel.so good that I got to share that with you!

I’m so fucking tired. Daddy knows, cuz He was way to happy today.  Damn He’s smarter then me. What horrible things does He have planned til I finally break? So far, no release in sight.

-babygirl

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2 thoughts on “Never give up, never surrender

  1. fell. Xx. says:

    Hun, I can feel the stress drip off this page.Breathe.

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