The title says it all. Bdsm is the lifestyle I love, but if you’ve never lived it each and everyday, all day long, then you don’t know what I’m talking about. And if you have, you are smiling to yourself , and thinking ” Damn right girl!”
I don’t care who you are, if you’ve got a kinky bone in your body ,then you know how great the lifestyle is. You either have a dominant you serve, love, cherish, or you are the dominant type that is in charge of another, or more. When you know how the lifestyle works, and you have securely chosen your role, now comes the hard work. Yes, I said work!
What kind of work? Well, let’s start with our dominants. You are either a Dom/Master/Top, maybe a switch. Once you have found your submissive, you are on your way to being served. Served how you want, when you want, every desire is met by another human being. You have created rules for that person to live by. They must report to you where they go, when they go, what they are doing, who they are doing anything with. You must be in charge of this person come rain, or come shine. Every kind of thing life throws at them, they must report to you, see how you would like it handled. Funny thing is, that submissive knows how to answer questions, live life, get work done, take care of kids, but your submissive cares that you are in charge, that things are to be brought to your attention. It’s like running a monarchy, on a much smaller scale than the queen does. Add in here that you plan each scene, must have hours of time under your belt before you hit your submissive. All that hot, steamy sex.
Now realize that this, for many, is a real working relationship. It could turn into ownership of your slave/sub/babygirl, deeply personal. Maybe you’ve decided to date your submissive for a while, and down the line live together, or marry that person. This is like no other relationship. So much work goes into it. As a real couple you need communication, time together, you crave plenty of sex. You probably have a job, friends,family, maybe even children, and now you’ve added in taking control of a person’s life.
I don’t know any dominant that doesn’t work hard at this lifestyle. A true dominant pulls all this shit together, and makes it all look so easy. But here’s a news flash for you. Every dominant needs some downtime. Being in charge, having all the answers, setting up a scene, this is all hard work. Think about it like this: your dominant gets up early for work. They might have kids to get up and going for the day, they must acknowledge their submissive. Get to work on time, make sure their submissives life is going well for the day. They must work while at work! The day will hopefully be a good one. At this point that submissive likes to send pics to them, maybe send quick videos of playing with your favorite toy, ask questions, report to you. Your regular life, and dominant side are clashing. As the dominant you must pull it altogether. Make it run like a well oiled machine. Plan your night, do you have the kids, time with friends, time with submissive, maybe you got some downtime. A night of just taking it easy. Yes, even dominants need this. Hopefully every submissive reading this, will understand, that from time to time, your dominant will need time to just relax, recooperate, rest.
Now we can hit on the other side of this. Submissives have it just as hard. I know, because I am one. To give your life over to another human being, to fully trust them to have your best interest at heart. To hope that you do everything right so you can make your dominant happy. You want to serve them well, which means you had better know your dominant. You must follow each rule, or risk not being the perfect submissive, which shames us. And the other side of that shame is that once our dominant is upset with you a punishment is on the loom. If you truly love, care for your dominant, shame is the worst feeling you will go through, when you are in front of your dominant it is hard to look at them. You wonder if your heartfelt apology is heard, or fell on deaf ears. Any punishment you are lined up for is not the worst thing you will feel. Bruises will heal, but you long to be the perfect submissive.
As a submissive, we might not have the right to do as we please, this would be a slave. If you have the right to do as you please within boundaries then you’re a sub. If you know you don’t have the right ,but do it anyway, you are a brat. If you want the right to do what you want, but you just want to play, you’re a babygirl. There is also bottoms, rules are most certainly different for you, you probably have none, or very few.
Most submissives have jobs, maybe children, friends, family, and possibly a dominant. Your life is as much a juggling act as your counterpart. But we must also worry about our dominants needs at all time. Are they hungry, have they made a request from us. It is your job to keep them happy. All the while following your rules, and working your real job. You must clean, cook, do all labor. Then once we see our dominant, are we in the position that will show them respect, have we put them first that day, how may we serve them. To be able to discuss things that need the dominants input must wait til you’ve been given permission to present your dominant with the info. You don’t make your own decisions, this is not a regret, it’s just our lifestyle.
As a true submissive, you have put many hours into your training. You must be gracious, know how to follow commands. If you love your dominant then you are in a relationship and must communicate, spend time with them, while remembering who you serve at all times. There are no days off. There is no time off. You know that as your relationship progresses you might be collared. That is the ultimate honor , it’s your dominant owning you, its,as close as marriage without taking the plunge. Although your dominant may have plans to live together, or even marriage. If this has been what you want from your dominant then you are happy. Just be ready for as you move this relationship together, you will still be serving your dominant on a more permanent basis, but they will be in control on that permanent basis.
Did it just get harder? Lol. No, not really. You were both doing your part of the lifestyle, now you will just be doing it under the same roof. You will still be in your role that you’ve been doing all along. You might have a contract, not always. Just keep in mind that even permanent, you will both still need downtime. Time away from each other, out with your friends, do things you still like. Be true to yourself. Keep communication going well. Still being respectful. Remember, this lifestyle is beautiful, do your part to the best of your ability. Keep your relationship alive, there is no other like it. You are not vanilla, have fun!
Both roles have stress, and are enjoyable. The reason we date in the lifestyle, is the same as vanillas, we are looking for that perfect person for us. Someone devoted to us. I realize that the lifestyle can be more complicated than this. Yes in many ways, to many for me to write and express.
I hope I didn’t leave anything out! I hope I was fair to both sides. I do respect the lifestyle, and I truly care about my Master. I try hard to make sure I never take Him for granted. I know how hard He has it. I do encourage Him to go have fun, at that time I try to keep questions to a minimum, and just report what I’m doing, out of deep respect for Him and the life I signed up for. Also, when He gets downtime, so do i. I still feel my Master has it much harder than I do. He’s a great Master. I’m happy to serve Him. I do try my hardest to make sure He’s pleased with me at all times. I try to not bring Him any shame, killer for me. I don’t like having Him angry with me, and have to plan my punishment. I do however love being slave/ bratty babygirl and getting funishments! I do have the best Daddy, He makes this look so easy. I know the truth. He’s a hard worker at His job, takes being a Master seriously, He’s a great dad, good friend, cares about our families. And most of all, He loves me. He spoils me. He controls me. He makes our time together so special. The sex is always phenomenal. We have been together almost 11 months, it has had its ups and downs, like any relationship, we are still learning about each other. The one thing I like is that we both go slow, getting to know each other. We have plans for our future, but they will go as Master plans for us. I am so happy to have this man in my life, the Master I love to serve ,and tease. He pushes my limits, His expectations of me, I hope I meet them all. I love His devotion to detail, in all areas of our lives. I always hope that I make Him proud that I’m His slave. This is the lifestyle we choose, it’s beauty is right there for all to see.
* I wrote a book. But it was necessary.