I have writings that have never been published, for my eyes only. As I was reading them I realized just how far my Daddy and I have come.
When He started training me, I fought Him like a baby animal, with thoughts in my head that I would win. Well, look at me now! Almost a year together, and I don’t piss Him off every time I turn around! Just occasionally now. Working on it. It’s wise to work on, cuz I don’t want Daddy near my ass, well unless He’s fucking it. But then He’s behind me and anything could happen. Always stay aware…
As I was reading my diary excerpt, I was intrigued so I started at the beginning and really paid attention to what I wrote. The one thing I can say about my Daddy, He pays attention to detail. He knew why I fought Him so hard back then, was that others had failed miserably, and He would not. How He knew I would eventually give up, I don’t know. When did He know that we belonged together, and this would work? Beyond me. I had no idea it would last this long, but I’m so glad it has.
I used to pride myself on making sure no man could get through my walls, the barbed wire, electrified fence, moat with crocs in it, and poisonous snakes. Guard dogs. I was one woman, that even hell didn’t want to touch, yet somehow someone knew that to fight me, you need a demon. So, for me, they sent Satan himself. I do call Daddy, a beast. Only because He had His hands full when we started, I’ve calmed down immensely, not that He should relax anytime soon! But He’s got me, and I like that He conquered me! As I know it was no easy feat. And why should it be. I have been damaged, I’ve been to hell and back, so the only man that can really claim me, or even share my bed with me, must be a demon. Head demon to be exact.
Why did it have to be such a rough beginning. This is a good question that I ask myself. I could be all hearts and flowers, but if you know me then you know it’s fake as hell. I have refused to be on my knees for men before. Just because we are in a lifestyle that calls for submitting, doesn’t mean I was going to. I had never been on my knees for a play partner, or anyone who hasn’t earned my full respect! This is no lie. I have bowed down only 3 times my entire life as a slave.
Funny thing , none of them ever seemed to notice. And that was their failure right there. I was the only who knew they’d be gone quick, so quick. I would use them for my own pleasure, then be done. While they are trying to gather their own thoughts , I’m already onto the next. This was the old me. I’ve taught many subs/slaves. If He wants you, He must prove it. Which makes my point all the more sweeter, ‘ most dominants in this lifestyle are players’. Never bow down to that.
Be careful who you kneel before. You will have to submit too. Another pride of mine. I won’t submit. Still, old me, old way of thinking.
When did this change for me? Well, from reading my diary excerpt, it started to change last summer. My Daddy, had had enough of my behavior. I really figured He would just run home to His mommy and need cuddles. But NO, this man, this dominant, this fucking BEAST stayed put, and right in my path. It takes a beast, to calm a beast. I finally met my match. The showdown was spectacular. I have always tried to believe I didn’t need anybody. I couldn’t be loved, I wouldn’t submit, or kneel. Fuck them all for even trying. But the BEAST in front of me was either going to learn a lesson, or He was going to turn me into a pile of mush.
I never wanted to be soft or gentle. But now I am. He won. The beast in me, fell to her knees. I submitted wholeheartedly. I knew I had to. For this BEAST broke me down to my last breath. A fight like no other has ever known. Nearly an apocalyptic event! No man could do what He has done. There is proof, my girls have never seen it happen, but they’ve seen me have my way, and my damage path was full of headstones of old dominants, or shall I say ‘wannabes’. Tail between their legs, curled up in the fetal position, thumb in their mouth, crying for mommy. But not my BEAST, He stands proudly, let’s me stand by His side. I proudly kneel before Him, I smile to myself each time I’m in position and He enters. He earned it! I enjoy it! As He shows me all the time ‘ Who I Belong To’ I’m always beaming with pride!
Hell had one trick left up their sleeve, they saved the best for last. He’s mine! I’m so His! I wasn’t His first, but I’m damn sure I want to be His last! I’m broken down, He broke me over and over til there was nothing left. He builds me like an architect makes plans for their finest building. Beaming with His own pride, He deserves to be served like the slave that I am. I will serve my Beast as long as it works for us both.
He never has to worry. I don’t look at other men. Why? Because no mortal man has ever done what my BEAST has, conquered me. I don’t care if he’s vanilla or kinky, rich, thinks I’m hot. FUCK YOU ALL . Only one man deserves ALL of me! The one which has my respect, the one who didn’t back down from me, the one who I kneel before and serve. I know my Daddy is a mere mortal man too, but in my eyes, He’s perfect. There is nothing He can’t do. He already did the impossible, got me to submit. He has my respect. I don’t care about other men. They don’t impress me. There isn’t anything they can give me that Daddy doesn’t, and more. Yes, I love sex, but empty sex is not what I’m after. Daddy has what I need. He owns me. I’m fully His. I want my Daddy! Only my Daddy! No one could take my eyes off of Him!
I love you Daddy♡ my BEAST ♡