Daddy is always foremost in my mind, I’m attached! He’s in my dreams, on my mind.
For many reasons that I think I can sort of understand I just don’t know how to tell Him how attached. To me, it sounds clingy, or desperate. Which those 2 words don’t describe me. But this new thing that happens to me is just astonishing to me somehow. If I talk about Him, think about Him to long tears well up in my eyes, or they will start to softly flow down my cheeks.
My girls have made comments to me that they have known me for a long time, but have never seen me like this. They ask ‘what’s up with you?’ . They know I’m not much of a crier. I don’t get sentimental. I hate all that fairytale and love bullshit. But if you’ve never had that before, or even experienced it, then you can mock what you don’t know.
As I’m talking to my girls. I now have a new surprise to show them, a gift He recently gave me and shocked me with, a beautiful ring! I told them how He just gave it to me, no big meaning as it is just from Him since I have been required to wear a ring for months to symbolize ‘I’m taken’ and for men to respect. As I spoke I had tears quickly. They look at each other and just smile, then look back at me.
Each one of them saw it. My girl, Chance said, ‘Honey you are really in love’ Your body is telling you, just how much you love Him.
They start asking me questions, I slow them down. They want to know if I said
‘I love you’ to Him.
I shyly answer, ‘Yes’ .
They all seem happy for me. I let them know I took my time before I said it, the look on their faces doesn’t seem to shock or surprise them.
‘That sounds like you!, goooo superrrr slowwww’. They all giggle.
‘ Funny bitches’ (me) ‘ I don’t go that slow’
They stop talking to me, start talking about that. Thank god she’s not the guy in the relationship it would take her years to move forward.
‘So not funny’ I say, ‘ what’s so wrong about going slow?’
Dead silence , no one answers. A few of my girls I know that they say they are like me, take it slow. But do they really?
I don’t like putting things on timelines. I don’t like rushing things that need time. Relationships need time. Especially when you’ve gotten it wrong so many times before. Besides what’s the rush for? If we are meant to be together, when we want long term, does that mean I need to speed things along?
I told them all that my Master had told me himself, He likes my pace. No woman had ever given Him that, and it was nice not to be in hyper speed. There is room to just breathe, think about how things can/should go. My only expectation is ‘don’t go, I want you to stay I my life, for a very long time Sir’
He seems ok with this request, has not denied me this request. Has spoke of wanting that too.
So, my girls listened. They got teary when I spoke of our connection. The love He shows me. How He trains me, corrects me. Things that are private stay private, always. Like only one knew that I had told Him I love him. The rest were in shock and awe. They have known me a long time, and know I have never said those words since single, and only on special occasion to any exes, since I hold no special occasion in my heart you can guess how often they heard it, hardly ever. Damn I knew then I didn’t love either of them.
Well, back to my point. I do hold my Master in my heart! Deep within. I do wish for a long life with Him. I honestly do love Him with everything in me. I see this is my forever! ( while I said something similar to this , I was softly crying again. What the hell is wrong with me. Is it my new med? Is it that I’ve gotten dehydrated in the last week at work? Why the water works? My girls smile, try to console me. I look at them, cuz I’m not a big hugger unless I want to.
‘Honey, you are really in love’ ,they say
‘ yeah, I know that, but what’s with the damn tears all the time?’ (Me)
‘ maybe since you’ve waited so long for the love of your life, tour body can’t help it’
They talk amongst each other, I’m listening. There words are about me. Look how many she’s dated, never gave a shit about any of them, never tears for them. Never cried over those exes.
I break it up, ‘ I love my kids, but you don’t see me action like this over them’
Here comes that stupid smile again,ugh,
‘Honey, this is much different, it’s deeper. You won’t spend the rest of your life with kids, ty might be an exception, but still they are meant to go. He’s FOREVER! He loves you! You finally love someone! Really love someone! No more ice queen. We thought you had no heart. (Middle finger up). You finally found what we all talk about all the time, you make snide remarks about.’
‘I don’t talk about Him all the time?’
They smile, ‘you never shut up about Him’
(Me), ‘ I dont?’
‘ we’ve been wondering when you were leaving this one, but you haven’t. Lucky guy.’
(Me), speechless… doesn’t happen often. ‘ I love Him, I’m staying right where I’m at, no plans to go’
Laughing, giggles, congratulations explode.
(Me),’ what the hell just happened here?’
You expressed a thought, a loving thought, not like you’re stone cold self.
(Me) ‘bitches’, I grin. I guess they are right. I would go to the ends of the earth for Him. I would want Him always with me, as we age and grow old, eventually. I would take all His pain away , if I had the ability. I want His happiness always ,even if it meant He didn’t want me.
That’s true love… I guess, or as I’ve been told. I never had this before, ever. I’m enjoying it. But not the crying part, that shit could stop, hasn’t yet. I don’t tell Him, I guess cuz tears to me are a sign of weakness. Maybe I should tell Him, or maybe I just did.
The thought of Him not being in my life, kills me. I would be half living, half curled up in a bottle somewhere, just don’t try to save me. I don’t wish to live like I did before Him. Especially since I can’t remember what it was like. How did I get through this world without Him? I’m independent, I know how to take care of myself, for the life of me I realize there is no going back to that girl. She really doesn’t exist any longer, it’s all gone. I gave all of me to Him.
My big question : what is this like for men? How does He know I’m the one? Is He looking forward to all of this? He seems to be.
Bitches: ‘So, do you think you 2 will be married, or live together.’
(Me) I don’t know.
Bitches: ‘ uh huh, He hasn’t mentioned either to you?’
They talk amongst themselves. I’ll bet He has but MS.PITA won’t give an inch, does she ever act like a normal female, will she get married, she might have to wear a dress, He would insist on it, I bet, so she probably changes the subject , she likes her blue jeans. He handles her so well, she’s such a brat. I love her ring, He knows her well that He could pick something she would like, knowing her she has told Him ,no gifts, cuz she hates everything, but He is actually the one in charge here, not her (giggles), wonder if He’s mentioned marriage, living together but PITA here doesn’t talk about it much, so He might think she’s not interested, she so is. Did you see the moment she mentions Him she tears up. Wow. Ice queen no longer. We must think of some new nicknames now. Ugh… what us different about Him, He has kept her attention, something no one could do before. I bet she’s different around Him ( no Sir/yesSir). She kneels before this Master or He wouldn’t be here, that’s different PITA didn’t do that for any. I only get that the sex is fantastic. She won’t tell us anything. When did she tell Him she loved Him for the first time. I haven’t see any pictures, probably doesn’t take any. Hey, I have a few. (Giggles) hear that she has a few, anyone know of her ever taking a pic with anyone before, nope. Not me. She’s not one to immortalize any man. Hmm, but this one. Hey, I have pics up in my home of us. Do you think He actually knows about her, cuz she’s not much of a talker. Hey, I talk. Well He makes me, I’ve gotten better. (Giggling). I notice she respects Him, she says nothing bad out of His prescense. She’s not so bratty. Hey, cuz my ass hurts, just don’t say ‘ow’ around Him, well I cant. ( giggles) Daddy really is her Master,hmm that’s interesting. Why didn’t you say much. Hey, because you act like this.
(This was the chatter around me, about me, but not to me. I just listened), bitches.
One thing I did notice, was once we hit the one year mark, He changed. He sets our pace, and things are moving along. Slow and steady, but moving nonetheless. I have no control ,nor do I need it. I have no idea where we are headed, nor do I ask. I figure my trust in Him will show me the way, or He will just tell or start a discussion, I’m not so good at those. I fear more are coming.
Ok so I’m not mushy(that’s changed), sentimental (that’s changed), crying female ( that’s changed ), it’s not just about sex ( that’s changed). We talk, laugh, share together ( that’s changed). Sounds like a new me has emerged.