Wth just happened…


As I figured it was just a conversation with you, nothing serious. You expressed how you felt, I did the same. Only both of us, at the same moment took it to a bad place. Maybe some things shouldn’t be texted, since phones can screw it up. Smart phone my ass.

I spent my morning thinking what the fuck just happened, that’s not what I wanted, not even close. This is not like you to not consider my feelings. You always listen to me, you always make the right decision for us. Which gives me more respect towards you.

The feeling came over me, I will never serve like this again, for He is all I want, all I ever needed, all I know. Most men on earth will never deserve to be served like He does. It is who I am now, His. Only His, if I’m not by His side what is my purpose. How will I ever go back to being just me?  I will not ever again,  I gave my heart away, I don’t want it back. I gave my soul in this deal too, I don’t want it back either. It felt as if someone took the air from my lungs. As if maybe my heart stopped beating. The tears poured out of me.

I realized in that moment, I was nothing anymore, if I wasn’t His. No one compares, no one gets me.

An unexpected friend (M) took the time with me to show me all was not lost. We were both standing there, lost, not knowing what had happened. If I never speak again, my words can’t be taken wrong, but the other side is no one will hear the beautiful words either. 

She looked at me and said, ” oh my god, you both love each other. I have not noticed. But I see it now. Talk to Him, don’t let Him go, show Him your heart, help Him see YOU, that you aren’t going anywhere, it was just the moment.”

It was in the moment, it was scary and dark. I felt alone for the first time in a year. I hated it. I have never needed more than a shower to move on, but He’s tattooed on my me. This is forever! I want forever, even when it goes wrong, I would rather not breathe than be without Him. How could I ever go back? It’s not possible. There is no ‘Me’ anymore. She’s gone. Only thing left is ‘Us’ just purely being His.

He’s stuck with me. I’m using super glue so there’s no idea of leaving. He has no idea how lost I was yesterday. Going thru the motions as only a ghost of my former self. When we talked got it all figured out that somewhere it just went very wrong,  we could let it go. That dark, ugly place. Never return there.

I woke up ready for the world,  cuz I’m His♡   right where I belong, but my ass is sore. ☆ouch☆ kidding Daddy!



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