I don’t know your kink, but mine used to include poly, I learned to hate it because ‘most’ don’t do it right.
Where to begin. If you think you’re poly, or considering poly it’s quite important for you and your partner to define poly, what do each of you think it means? For poly to work, you MUST both be on the same page at all times. I have seen poly destroy more relationships than it helped. Don’t lie to yourself or your partner about what you ‘think’ you might be able to handle, now is the time for complete honesty. With the right people, right structure, right boundaries it can go good. I have friends who live this way everyday. I have friends who don’t do straight up poly, but only threesomes to make the relationship stronger, more fun.
How do ‘I’ define poly= good place to start. Well first off, I’m all for threesomes, but I was always the ‘third’, I slipped in/ I slipped out. But threesomes is not ‘true’ poly. True poly is when 2 people are on the same page, have excellent communication skills, they deeply care about one another. In love with each other, but they found another, or others that they love too. They have this connection like no other. They are comfortable with one another. They meet each others needs, but they both have a common desire to love more people. Poly is about relationships, not one night stands. It’s saying to your hubby, boyfriend, any significant other that I love you, I also love this other person and need them in my life as well. You may live with or marry the person who means the most to you, but then you have this whole other relationship going on. You will need balance, perfect structure and boundaries to live this way. To keep more than one person happy. Poly is not swinging, just putting that out there. This is a touchy subject for most, I understand that. But to be fair most don’t even know what poly is. I have heard doms make the statement, ‘i do poly cause I need more variety, different pussy all the time’, that’s not poly either, that’s you feeling entitled to fuck anything that comes along, which makes you pretty much an asshole. If you already feel this is your need, why on earth are you in a relationship? You obviously should not be in one. Then bang all the pussy you want, but don’t hurt others, and don’t fucking cheat. Be honest, say the words, ‘this is not working for me’. I could respect that, I’m sure most could ,after the sting wore off.
For poly to work properly, you need a clear definition of what it is, what it isnt. I have a bff ,she’s a slave and in position #1. She is fine with poly, as she knows what’s going on with her Master 24/7, nothing is kept from her. She can trust she is so important. Her needs are met, they talk all the time. He helped her to know she will always be #1, and as such she will know everything, I mean everything. That is really how poly works. The one who is in your life is not the one to keep in the dark, not if you dare try poly, that person will be gone if trust is not deep enough. My friend is by his side, as his. He put structure in place so she knows 24/7 she can go to him and ask anything, except she has never had to ask. She already knows what’s going on in her home/relationship with her Master. This is beautiful to me. I love talking to her about it. As I have done poly, I have never had this. This would make me rethink my whole stance on it. But is it possible? Or are they the exception? She is allowed other men, as long as her Master approves of them. Which most definitely will include a conversation between both men. One will be in her life always, her Master. The other could change at any time. They both only have 1 other person each. Anymore and her Master felt it could distract him from her/her needs. They will marry one day, and still want to keep this going. I say,’ if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it’. More power to them, they obviously found what works. But the respect, the care, the love, you can see it. She is secure. She might have another who shares her time, but her Master means more to her, and she means everything to him.
Most view poly as a way to a means. The thinking is something like, ‘ I really crave more sex so I’m thinking I can call myself poly and get that, this thinking is quite destructive in poly. Poly is not about sex, it’s about a relationship, as I stated. You love a person, and you found this other person, or more , that you have a deep connection to and you need them in your life. You need time with them, develop that connection. Here is where it’s tricky, don’t forget about your other connections/ relationships. They ALL need time , they all need to be growing or what doesn’t get your attention will wither and die off. I doubt that was what you wanted, but it does happen most of the time. Newness of the other relationship(s) takes perfect balance.
Sex is not the most important here. It’s what happens when the connection is real. In my past, I was doing poly, but I was only given 1 night a week with a past dom. It was not enough for me. He didn’t call to check up on my emotional state. There were no dates any longer, he had no idea where I was most of the time, but his house was now full of women. I’m the type of girl that I won’t try to get your time, I either have it or I dont. I had many play partners because men wanted a deep connection, but in our poly house the only deep connection was to the one running the house. I was so unhappy. This Dom decided for me, so I left. I was second position in his house. I know my personality. I need time with that person. I want to feel special, loved, cared for. When that’s not present I move on. I won’t argue, I won’t fight for you, I just go. They don’t see it coming. My first thought is you must have known all the girls in your house have different levels of need, different personalities, cater to that. I have never seen a successful house. I would remain friends with my sisters in the house,keep play partners but not get attached. All men I met wanted this same thing, but I watched it unravel. It was devastating to everyone involved but me, I saw it coming, and I decided I needed to put ‘me’ first and not push ‘me’ aside. Since the Dom of the house didnt. I have seen many in poly relationships cheat. This makes no sense, you’re poly. But they couldn’t get rid of lust, the need for more and more pussy. I hate to be the bearer of bad news. This is not poly. This is you have a problem. Female or male, if you don’t like commitment, then don’t so it. But if you constantly find a hot piece of ass that you need to tap, you might have some issues. I have friends who are girls who are like this. No thank you, they are to destructive. I won’t do threesomes with you either. You don’t worry about being clean, just fucking. No thought to anyone’s feelings but your own. Why am I friends with this person, oh yeah I’m not anymore.
What i have with my Master: Once I became the one ‘in’ the relationship during the threesomes i had to keep jealousy in check, as His slave i want His happiness above my own. It can always be better, relationships evolve,grow. Our first threesome was with my bff! I know strange choice, but I had trust with both. I also knew my Master was not her type, she’s not a slave, all these things helped even though I still went into sub space. I have never done poly with anyone I have a deep emotional connection to, guy/girl. Yes, I’m bi. But the older I get I don’t care about a female companion in my life as much. I want that male connection. As this was how much change I went through when I left the lifestyle for close to a year. Once I came back, I knew exactly what I wanted. I liked monogamy, but I still love to look at females! We’re beautiful, soft, sexy, what’s not to like, but no relationships with females any longer, females are to much for me to handle. No thx
So where do I see myself with poly. Funny you should ask. My Master recently brought it up. I shot it down, but maybe I was to hasty. But then I know the destruction of the past. So I’ve been thinking, and thinking some more. I’m a libra and I felt maybe this subject deserved more thought. I love my Master, but if He found someone He loves as much as He loves me, who am I to say to deny His feelings, cause Him resentment.i dont fall in love easily, my Master is my first love, i waited a very long time for that so i dont feel afraid it could happen again and then what. I know me. If we are to be together long term, maybe flexible is right for us. As I don’t think we have had enough time to talk about it. I also need security and to see how He defines this as well. I know for me, I see He may fall in love with another female or more. But what do I see for myself? I never gave it any more thought, til recently. I like the idea of threesomes, maybe foursomes (Master and 3 girls!)My Master and I don’t get lots of time together. I would love more ,but this is not all about me. I long to go on trips, go places together, do more together, talk about everything be completely transparent. Not easy when you’re busy, we do our best. He is not always able to be with me, so maybe us defining what we can do for each other/can’t do is a good thing. He is my only love. There won’t be another that holds His place in my heart . But the idea of having another man around who has more time to spend with me, not always about sex, is quite appealing after much thought. To be able to have more time with someone and not have them feel guilty that they cannot give more to you. I try my hardest to not show my Master just how much I crave more with Him. But I must admit, I would rather be the only person fulfilling my Masters needs, but if we could have what my friend has, now that is beautiful. That I could do in my life.
I don’t see myself in a house ever again. I don’t want anyone to take my Masters place, balance. I do need to feel close, my personality gets lonely, libra’s are a handful. I don’t know if marriage is what my Master and i want, we have not really spoken about it much, so I will not try to answer that here, our relationship is not ready for that anyway ,at this time. But I am thinking of the possibilities, we could both have what we want with each other, get what we need from each other, and possibly others.
Sounds like a talk could be coming. See how my Master really thinks about poly. How He feels this could work for us. There must be boundaries, structure, rules. But I think I was a bit hasty, I welcome this chat now. See if we can be on the same page, or was just an idea ,but we can see ourselves being together, but also in love , or in like, with other people as well.
Hmm interesting. keep in mind these are my views. But true poly can be beautiful. I have never experienced it, but I know many who have. Still with the person they started with, might or might not have others all the time. Some go through times of just them and their significant other for a bit. I’ve seen it all.