A brats prayer

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I hope that Daddy’s slow to creep.
By my bed to spank me good,
Like I already know He should.

If I’m bruised as I wake,
I hope I can still work, even if late.
I’ll be moving slow from all the bruises,
It always goes as He chooses.

I’m not saying the word that makes it all worse,
It somehow always makes me curse.
It’s not good, it’s not fun,
It’s usually makes me want to run.

Daddys fierce and quite evil,
The very reason He’s nicknamed ‘The Devil’
He’s sadistic, more than most
But before He will spank, there will be a toast.

If I dont live thru His awful beating,
Guess I know who I’ll be meeting.
It’s either pearly gates, or a fiery pit,
Here He comes ,’Oh fucking  shit’.

So long world, my ass is cooked
Cuz He doesn’t like my attitude.
If I die from Him beating me
Just know I’m now set free.

No more beatings,No more lectures
Unless He really is the HEAD devil.
I’m worried that it might be,
Beatings for all eternity.

I promise I won’t be bratty ever again,
Oh Fucking hell, whom I kiddin’
Rest in peace won’t be what I’m dealt
As long as Daddy has a belt.

So long, it’s been fun
This is where I need to run.
Faraway from this place,
Hoping that I leave no trace.

I’m a brat I don’t know why
I don’t even have to try.
But if this is the last you ever hear from me,
Then this was my fucking eulogy

*hope I live thru what’s coming*

– babygirl


The deeper the love…

The deeper the love, the deeper the devotion. Whitesnake has it right, I finally feel these words.

Tonight Daddy stopped by, like He does a lot!, to see me. We started talking about the past. This is a subject I try not to hit on, it’s not my favorite place. But the past is real, something we all live through. Daddys past is just as dark a place as mine. It was easy to see why we both have trust issues. I completely understood. His pain is real,  just as mine is.

For the first time ever, I felt like someone understands me. He gets why I’m not in a hurry. I’m not going anywhere, but I want to be in your life.

I hate that we are broken people, that someone had to hurt us so deeply that it’s hard to find ‘The One’, but in a way I think it made us stronger. We both know what we want, how we want our lives to be.

I want something that looks like a family. We don’t put on happy faces, we are actually happy. We have our good days, our bad days. We all support each other. Listen to each other. Be there for each other.

I used to be to afraid to start my life, but with this man by my side, I am the luckiest woman alive. I like that we don’t pressure each other to move faster, no reason to do that. Life is going as it should. I love my life now, for the first time ever.

Today I understood why He took His time to introduce me into His life. I thought it was about no trust, but I was wrong. It was about proving He is safe in my love. He won’t be hurt.

I hope He understands that I was the one hurt in my past. I know how bad it hurts to be lied to, cheated on, scammed by a person who is supposed to care about you. When I hear His pain, all I want to do is bring Him in close to my heart, hold Him til He can feel the love emminating from me. I won’t ever let go of His heart. He’s all mine, I’m all His. Plus I get the added bonus of being His slave, babygirl, just His…

Daddy, my love for you is immeasurable.   I want to show you each day how much you mean to me. Til, forever♡


Oh my, there’s a naked man in my bed!

Daddy stayed over Friday night, I love it when I get to wake up to Him! We had time together with the kids, then time just He and I, I love putting my head on His chest just hear His heart beating. We watched a movie , I love hearing Him laugh, being with Him, snuggling up next to Him. This feeling of I’m safe kicks in, and I sleep so well all night long. It’s the only time I seem to sleep really well.

I had to wake up early for work, and as I opened my eyes, there is this naked man in my bed, the love of my life♡
I can tell I’m going to enjoy living with Him. To see Him everyday. I know servitude won’t take a backseat once together 24/7. I also know my Daddy will make life fun and wonderful.

I loved looking over at my bed, as I’m getting dressed for work, and smiling to myself about this naked man in my bed. I love this man so much. I love planning our lives together.

When will I have that naked man back in my bed?



Last one standing…



I can feel this warm sensation roaring up through my body. When it finally hits the surface I’ll be able to breathe fire. Take out any opponent, or anyone in my way. At least the past dictated this to me. No one challenges me, no one pushes me, why must you?

So He thinks I’m this strong woman, I can handle the things life has thrown at me. I’m not the kind of person to feel sorry for myself, maybe alittle, not for long. I know it serves no purpose, changes nothing. I vent, I move on. I try to.

Life decided it was my turn to handle a few hard things, not feeling great about either. I’m sure I’ll get through them. I just like for life you run smoothly. Is that to much to ask.

But Daddy has approached a certain subject a few times. I get defensive , He backs off and gives me space. This time He’s not backing off, leaving it alone. Why not? Doms do pride themselves on finding your weak spots and changing things, making the sub stronger physically /emotionally.  Why do I need to be so strong? Why can’t I just have a few weak areas? He’s not backing down. The moment I felt His words, I felt the battle of wills coming out of me.

This is where the lifestyle gets tricky.  On the one hand, I’m His slave, I’m to do as He says/wants. And I did, partly. But then there’s this part on the opposite side of me that says ‘I’m ready to go head to head with you’.

The one thing I can say about Daddy, is that He does know I’m human. My emotions are going to come out, I will be completely uncomfortable, I may push Him verbally. Not out of disrespect, but to see if He’s really there for me. Don’t start something you can’t finish. Doms, Masters, exes left me hanging.  If I’m required to change,  you better be by my side the whole time. Hold me when I need it. Push me but be gentle.  Pick me up when I fall into a bit of depression.  I’ve never changed these things, so resistance should be expected.  He feels I should be a good slave, do as He wants at all times. I’m trying.

I can say He knows me well. Last time He pushed me, well it was awful,  but the end result was worth it. He never left my side, gave me room to beat the hell out of the world, I’m alittle hot headed. I will try to get my way, which is Him backing down from this, letting me be. But He has His own plan. I know He loves me, wants the best for me, for this situation.

I won’t say, “who’s gonna win ?”I have this idea I know who will. I don’t want to admit it. I get it, I’ll be stronger, but what if I don’t want to be. I’m not liking this,  not one bit. But I’m ready for Him…
I think…



Finally found you…

I don’t know that I believe in soulmates, thst has always sounded ridiculous to me. But I do believe in a strong connection to another person that can’t be explained.  This is how I feel about Daddy. I’m connected on a level that I can’t quite explain.  I don’t get bored, I just want more of Him. I feel lonely, sad when He’s gone from my side. I look forward to time together, texts, phone calls, apparently I just light up when it’s Him!  So I’ve been told, lol.  I think I act just the same, but someone notices, usually those who know me best.

So, what happens to me? I really don’t know. Before He ever walks out the door I start to miss Him. I have thought about tying Him up so He has to stay, but the downside is at some point He’s gonna get free and my ass will hurt beyond anything He’s ever done.

This new feeling came upon me only recently, after meeting his daughter. This feeling has left me puzzled. I’ve told it to all my girlfriends, no one knows what it is. Guess it’s just me then. But I feel this complete feeling. Granted I have one more child of Daddys to meet. But it’s as if that is what was missing this whole time. I’m glad we took our time, I don’t rush!  Plus  I’ve screwed up so many times that I don’t go fast. Once He met my kids I felt a shift, closer to Him. But now I don’t feel a shift, I feel like all the puzzle pieces fit. It’s complete.

What happened here? That feeling came about from just meeting His child? I can say this is the happiest I have ever felt in my entire life. That feeling goes deep. I’m really liking that, I’ve never had it. So, I don’t fully understand it yet. But I’ve never , ever felt complete before. I’ve been in relationships where it’s like I’m still looking. Was never sure what I was looking for. In this relationship with Daddy I’m not looking, I noticed once we started seeing each other, that hasn’t changed. No desire to play in another yard, my grass is very green! This feeling is so strong.

My girls tell me to stop analyzing,  I can’t this is how I am, overanalyze everything. With this new feeling of completeness I’m puzzled, a bit nervous, but enjoying it. I guess I like it and don’t want it to end.

Have I finally found the man of my dreams, my knight in shining armor, oops I mean leather! True loves kiss! And all the crap, I mean other things Disney has talked/write about for years? No wonder I scoffed, never felt like this before.

My next question… Does He feel it too? Or is this just me. To afraid to ask and find out. What if’s are not my thing, I’ll ask at a different time. Right now, I’m just gonna enjoy the feeling. Wow! Where did it come from? Does everyone know about this feeling? How many ppl actually get to feel like this in their life? Will the feeling end? ( I hope not)  Do couples share this feeling? ( I have no idea). See, analyzing!



A very special night♡

Tonight Daddy had a surprise, I got to meet His daughter for the first time. I know He mentioned it weeks ago, but I know my Daddy, He plans everything. So once He mentioned what was happening, that was my cue to process quickly.

I processed! I was excited to meet her. I knew I cared about her before I ever met her, cuz I care so much about my Daddy!  I also knew not to bring anything up to Daddy. Everything happens as He says, not me. So I know in our life together, I’m to follow His lead  and not drive Him nuts trying to make things either go faster or slower as I want them to go. Daddy has it all planned, and I trust His perfect timing!

So, tonight l was prepared. Daddy let me know He was ready for us to meet her. I felt so happy, and loved. I knew this meant a new phase for me and Daddy. We are getting closer all the time. I also knew this was a big deal.

Tonight just felt wonderful. I haven’t had a little girl around the house for a long time, I miss that. I had a great time just watching her be her 2 year old self! She was in  new place, near new people, and the world is exciting and wonderful. Energy for days! Damn, I need some of that energy!

Tonight was so special. I got to see my Daddy being a dad to her. He is strict with her ,like He is with me. He’s a great dad, and Daddy! How He handles it all like it’s so easy, I’ll never know.

Daddy, has plans for us as a couple, and all of us as a blended family. I am so excited, nervous, but loving life! This is the happiest I’ve ever been. I love the journey He has us on. He makes this look so easy.  How does He do that?

Life is good, always getting better♡


I felt tonight went great. I even got hugs and a kiss, awe! Just melts your heart!



To see her happy

I get to go to Hawaii soon! Daddy and I are going to watch a friend of mine get married. I’m so happy and excited for her. She’s has been the one person I could always count on. No matter what. 

She’s had to do things for me that no friend should have to do, but she did and without complaint. But believe me the lectures were loooonnnnggg enough.

I met her online. Her name is ‘M’. For all purposes and keeping her privacy I will only give a letter. But make no mistake, her friendship means the world to me. The moment we met in person, nearly 5 yrs ago, I think! It’s been a while! It was like we had known each other forever. She’s fun to be around. She is also the only woman I’ve ever submitted to. ONLY WOMAN EVER. There was a good reason for that. Life with my mother and grandmother was horrific. I hated them. When M wanted control over me, I put up the fight of my life. Vowed never to ever be on my knees to serve any female. But after the accident, things changed for me. She had seen how abusive my ex was, and just how wild I behaved, so to keep me safe from myself she took control.

One dark night, I was to drunk to know better. I took a hot bath, but the bubble bath and all the alcohol I could drink (3bottles) not more like others remembered,  was enough to make me black out once I got out of the tub. I was standing one moment, the next I was waking up to someone shaking the shit out of me, asking was I ok?
‘ I would be fine if you quit shaking me’ , but at that moment I was in a very dark place. People around me screaming to others to call 911, I had passed out and hit my head pretty hard. Someone set me on the side of the tub and left me to see if 911 was called cuz I wasn’t doing so hot. I blacked out again, this time fell backwards into the tub. Hit the back of my head so hard. I woke to someone shaking me again.  Only this time I didn’t see anyone familiar.  I didn’t know the answers to the questions being asked. 911 had arrived, I had 2 blows to my head. No memory of anyone or anything.

My kids and M took care of me. She lived way across town, over an hour and a half away. So, it was up to my kids and M (Over the phone mostly, saw me when she could), to help me. No one else cared. Not all these men who acted like they cared, not all the ppl I partied with nearly every weekend. Just them. I was lost, lonely. I had no idea what was going on, who anyone was, but I was still wild.

M saw how I couldn’t be trusted at this time. So she took complete of my life. I think she expected me to fight her again but I was lost and I submitted. I wasn’t allowed to date, or meet anyone. No parties,  no alcohol, no fun. She and my kids took care of me. Reminded me who I was, who I am, tried to jog any memories. It was 6 months before anything ever came back to me. M moved me at this time, into a rental home. Got me motivated to work. I would put my head in her lap and cry. I didn’t know anything, anyone. Very few memories came back to me. I had been in a car accident several months before all of this so M got me to drs, took time off to help me go through 3 procedures. My kids were still helping to, but it was M who made me have hope.

To the present,  I am still great friends with M. I love my friend. She was always there for me, never left me. Got me through so much. I don’t submit to her any longer, not since my Daddy took over. M still checks on me and the kids. She still worries about me. She always wants the best for me. She has seen me through a lot. I have only had a few times to pay her back for all this. I get to be there when she marries the man who loves her! I’m so happy for them both! I know it’s not really in my budget but I will find a way. I need to be there for her like she has been there for me.

I love you M, always will! You are more than a friend to me. You’re family. I can hardly wait for you to finally marry the man of your dreams, lol. It took you guys long enough!

Thank you for all you’ve done for me. I don’t know how to pay you back. But I do love being friends!