Doms being flippant? How dare they 

I am a member of a fb bdsm page. We have many interesting topics, some I share here. While other topics I find hysterical. Such as the most recent when a newbie sub actually outed her newly found dom for being flippant , ordering her around as if she was property. 

We all hated to burst her little bubble,  but we did once we all stopped giggling about it. 

Our first inclination was to ask her if she truly understood what a dom was, what his job is in her life. She seemed lost. They did not have sex, as of yet, but I could tell he wanted to see if she could take direction. Was she moldable? Things a good dom/Master look for. 

She was a fighter, he is going to have his hands full. From our short conversation she had read some books, I’m sure they got her hot and bothered! But reality was different for her.

“Where does he get off trying to order me around?”

I wanted to laugh, I held it in. I tried to give her the bdsm crash course. Yeah, I made that up. It’s more of  nice explanation ‘bdsm in a nutshell’. I let her know how my Master and I are. I have rules, procedures, protocols, rituals that are important to my Master,  must be adhered to , if not I’m in trouble. I know discipline is coming and I better have a great reason for not complying or doing as expected. The more I explained,  the more she realized our lifestyle was not in her books. I had to let her know he was not bring flippant ,nor an asshole, he was doing his job as a dominant. She was the one who let him believe this was what she wanted, plus deceived him, as I learned from her talking.

I replied with,”No, it’s not like the books, it’s more serious than that. Yes, we have great sex. But even with no sex I would submit to my Master.  He owns me, owas my body, owns my thoughts, owns my actions. This is why I must be pleasing all the time. My ass is on the line, my example should show Him I’m paying attention to what laws He has laid down, as if this is His kingdom and I’m the only servant”.

We shared for a bit. She realized this might not be what she wax looking for. I did direct he to a site where she might find what she is looking for, but to respectfully go to the dom, humbly apologize and ask to speak. He should grant that , as you are new and not fully his. I told her to explain what she was wanting and had no idea what she thought she wanted, and really wanted were 2 different things. I let her know she needed to apologize for letting him believe that she knew what she was doing in our lifestyle, she was in way over her head. 

I showed her how to find someone who could show her the ropes. Get her feet wet so she move much slower at a good pace for her. Maybe find what she desires, but to never waste any doms time. Instead be upfront and honest about all of it, and if he wants to proceed he will let you know. This is the part she still had problems with. 

“But relationships take 2 ppl? I have to pick him too, don’t i?” Newbie

“Yeah sweetie, not here, not this lifestyle.  Once you present yourself to a dom ,it means your interested. Now the ball is in his court. It’s up to him to let you know if you are who he wants.”

She had more to say. She even let me know that from her original mssg many women who called themselves subs/slaves had proceeded to pump her full of misinformation. I did let her know quickly to find a mentor,  do not listen to this new crowd of ppl entering the lifestyle,  I have many years in it, this new crop of sub/slaves are not the real thing. How in the world you think you have a say so about things. Tell him like it is. Let him know he can’t order you around, you’re a person first. Are you kidding me? What kind of lifestyle are these ppl in? I’ve never been in that one.

I know recently telling a friend of mine that my Master and I will be going to an event together, I’m a blue jeans kind of girl, but He has already spoken , and I’m to wear a dress. I’m not excited about that, but I will obey. My Masters happiness is above my own. My friend on the other hand told me to stand my ground, not give in. He needs to realize He can’t push me around, have His way.  Now I love my friend, but she has never been a slave. She doesn’t like it when women give up everything for their Masters. I put my hand on her arm, I looked her in the eye, all I said was, “trust me, He’s worth serving”. The discussion was done. None of my close friends who are physically near me understand being a slave,  they hate it. The only one who gets it and goes thru it as well is (A) love ya girl! If not for her, I would feel alone. Slaves need slave friends for strength. Our lives are not like subs. We have no choices to make, we serve. We don’t speak our mind, we are lead by our Master.  I love my friends but even the babygirls are just to bratty to get it. But I love you all ! 

So to the sweet sub who was feeling lost. I hope that helped spending some time with you. Seemed like it did. I made a new friend! 


13 thoughts on “Doms being flippant? How dare they 

  1. Selina says:

    Ok I was giggling as well but I also agree with everything you told her. It is not for us to “Tell” our Daddy/Dom how to do their job. It’s to be open and honest in our communication so as to allow them to learn us.

    As a babygirl and Little I couldn’t do it. It goes against the strength and condor his leadership provides.

    Are there times I wish my Daddy would do things differently? Yes (I’m a bit of a brat) but I would never speak against him (that’s what Little friends are for 😈😂) especially when I already know the reasons.

    However, I do know I can respectfully voice my doubts and concerns and they will be addressed….and that’s good for me.

  2. Selina says:

    Reblogged this on Searching 4 Selina and commented:
    Such a good post

  3. great post!! those faux bdsm books that are like literary herpes have a lot to answer for!!! I’m a brat but totally get what you’re saying….and for every misinformed sub theres probably twice as many guys calling themselves doms when they haven’t got a clue either!!

  4. lukehart1976 says:

    I’m looking in from the outside on all this—a D/s or DD/lg relationship requires more effort than I’m willing to give or capable of mustering—but the dynamics are intriguing nonetheless.

    • stacieinaz says:

      It is a lot of work, not to be taken lightly. It’s an intense relationship. You are smart for being able to read yourself and being honest now if that is for you. Much respect

  5. Suqui says:

    While I admittedly laughed at her too, and agreed with a lot of the advice that you gave, some of it I wouldn’t. Maybe I am one of the “new” submissives as I have only been in the lifestyle for a little over ten years, but one of the things I remember my mentor drilling into my head was that I had to know what I wanted before I could even begin to search for a Dominant. Otherwise, you end up trying to submit to anyone, which can be extremely dangerous.

    In my experience it was best to court/vet a Dominant just as they court/vet a submissive. There are such varying degrees to the way we live, finding your zone, and a Dominant that is happy working within your zone and limits, pushing enough to see you grow as a sub, and fulfill his Dominance, that is not easy to find.

    • stacieinaz says:

      I welcome your comments. Our chat was longer than this in reality. I have 20+ yrs in the lifestyle, so I want her to succeed, find what she’s looking for.

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