For me to know how He see’s things I really need to do a whole lot of listening. I do anymore, pleasing Him is my goal. So, making sure I know what He wants, how He wants it is what I’m all about. That is part of being His slave, some of what I hear from Him raises more questions for me. He permits me to ask the questions I need to in order to serve Him to the best of my ability. I need Him to do that for me. But He needs me to communicate as well, so He can tell if we are working together, learning all we can about each other.
The type of things we talk about anymore are about the new things in our life coming up. I’m learning to be His ‘Ol Lady’. I am learning how to please Him in every facet of our relationship. 7-8-16, yesterday was a year for me being His slave. I was reluctant to be a slave ever again. So this got its own date .
I’ll explain why… When He and I met , the 2nd time, I was a sub/babygirl. I had put away the ‘slave’ in me. I was done being hurt, done giving 100% of myself to come back empty handed. But He noticed right away that I had these strong slave tendencies, damn. I was so afraid to let it come out, but it was really who I am. I was tired of blindly serving and having to do as told when I had no more respect, but kept getting hurt, no one carin about me. But He kept talking to me, coaxing me to show Him my slave side, cuz to Him that was beautiful, and worthy to be myself. He promised me to just try for Him. It was really the hardest thing I’ve ever done. He kept right on praising me, encouraging me. I took baby steps, which really slowed down the lifestyle process for us. We weren’t learning so much about each other at this moment, since He really needed to invest the time in me, for me to be my slave side. He slowed everything down to meet me where I was at. Fast forward… a year later, I’m happy and content being His slave. I did trust Him and while it was hard to do, the payoff was huge, He meant what He said. He told me He’d never hurt, well except for my ass, but that goes without saying! He meant it. If I had to do it all over again, I might go a bit faster. But then He helped me learn to trust again. I needed that, priceless. How could I ever serve again if I couldnt trust, respect, eventually love Him. I had no idea He was going to be so important to my life. I just knew something was different.Yesterday was the best day I have had in a long time! All because of Him. I smiled all day. I kept thinking to myself,
“It’s been a year of serving Him, I’m still granted permission to serve Him. I must be doing great. I haven’t felt this good about serving in a very long time.”
Going to dinner the other night, it was fabulous. Daddy had a bad day ( not the fab part), He needed ‘Happy food’. The place He picked was great. The dish He helped me pick was great! Conversation was great! Can life really be this good? I’m actually afraid to be completely happy. Will life find a way to fuck that up? I don’t want it to.
Conversations with Him lately are reminding me that He’s a thinker and a planner. He talks of us living together. I’m assuming it will be closer to my lease being up (spring time). He has briefly hit on marriage, I think He knows I’m interested ,but in the future . The thought of living with Him excites me, and worries me (my poor ass). The one thing I am sure He understands is that I’m not looking for Him to save me, He’s had to work hard for me to hand over the reigns of my life. Give Him everything. I didn’t expect anything in return, but I’ve been pleasantly surprised. I truly am happy.
I’ve been waiting my whole life for this man. I nearly screwed it all up, but fate stepped in and gave us a second chance, I don’t take that lightly, I’m so thankful. I have found the man I’ll grow old with. The one I can be myself with. He knows I’m a dumb blonde, I do have my moments, and He loves in spite of it all. He knows my temper. He also knows that I get angry, but 10 mins later it’s usually done. I try to not push past mistakes back at Him. Our fights have been relatively small. I do stick up for myself, and make sure He knows how I feel. Granted those are the moments I do forget I’m a slave, but He has shown me mercy and grace. He knows I’m not afraid to bow down before Him, or apologize for any wrong doing. I think these are the reasons , some of them, that He has chosen me. That I’m the one He’s planning a life and future with. I’m excited about those things with Him. But I stay calm, and wait for His guidance. I know He has the plan. It will be His perfect timing.