Complaint department. Complain here.

I don’t think of myself as much of a complainer. I do try to let lots of things slide. I must say the more I analyze what happened to me the other to just lose it. Well, let’s just say I’ve got a list going.  So far my oldest child ranks #1. A state agency, no matter how many times I give them papers they lose them. My friends. 

I shall take the time to complain. All those feelings I’ve stuffed, shit I havent said but I’m not holding back now. This is one of the hardest things.  While, 1. This is my child, 2. He’s no longer a child, but has a child. My son has not been held accountable for his life choices, but he’s about to. He had an agreement with his ex, ‘ take care of our son, I won’t go after child support ‘. Why he trusted her is beyond me. I never trusted this girl as far as I could throw her, believe me I would love to throw her. I know we are all on this ‘ all lives matter’ bandwagon,  but this cunt doesn’t deserve that. She’s whiny, has to have her way at everyone’s expense, a liar, a cheater, a thief  (she has stolen from me), a lowlife. Never had a job since I’ve known her and probably never will, but she will find the time to live off the state.  Hey wait,  this was supposed to be complaining about my son. I had to give a bit of background so you know what we are dealing with here. 

My son, has lived with me almost a year now. He finally came up with a 6 month plan. Which for me can’t go fast enough. I love my grandson, he’s the cutest 2 yr old, next to my Masters 2 yr old ( shes adorbs!) But that’s not the problem. I’m tired of my youngest child (shes 15) and myself feeling like built in babysitters. My son might, might, might cook once a week. Hardly does dishes. Hardly takes out the trash. Refuses to clean up after himself. This is only allowed if you’re in a relationship with someone. We are not , we are mother and son. I ask that sense he’s sleeping on my couch, fold blankets, put pillows back each morning. This happens 75% of the time. Yesterday I was just going to drop off my kids to my ex. He wanted to go with me. I had no idea he had an agenda. I was quite angry. But the time I texted my Master to let him know how things were going. My Master had no idea how angry I was. My son hardly does laundry.  Then once we’ve done it all, it stays in God damn piles everywhere. Sink full of dishes but you can’t do anything about it. He will say things like, ‘I’ll get to it.’ But then never does. My Master will wonder why I need to escape to my bff’s home for hours. I don’t complain about it. Why should I , it won’t change.  My son gives me rent money late, with this new job I’m supposed to get it on time. Ok. Not much faith. He was supposed to help but groceries. Has only done that once. Has never cleaned anything. Vacuumed , I think twice. I pay for the water, city is to gross. If we go to the store, he buys his stuff, his sons stuff , and I buy for everyone. How is this fair? If I say anything to him, HE SOUNDS JUST LIKE HIS FATHER, which I hate, hate, hate, hate more than words can express. So I say nothing. If my Master has taled to him he will say something once he’s gone. My son doesn’t like my friends. Ditto. 

My son knows I like playing the lottery. But he will add his 2 cents in. Like well if you win that jackpot there’s enough for all of us. Us? There’s plenty for my Master and i junior. But when did you become ‘us’. Where is it written, ‘parents thou shall doest all for thine children, til death do you part’.  Umm no you fucker. I have a plan when I hit the big jackpot.my Master and I will take a long long vacation, much needed vacation. One with the kids, then one without! I will buy a modest home for my son as a gift, I would but one for (S) as well. That’s as generous as I feel. The kids will go to college (T, R, R, B) they will have some money to live on, and a car. But that education is more important. My Master, well He’s had a business stuck in His head for a while,  so seeing it come into fruition would make me happy. I will help a few ppl in my life. They would be gracious I know, cuz they never ask for anything. Plus a few organizations that have really been there. Other than that start a business I want, plus one with my daughter. My Master and I buy a decent home. One where he has room to make His own clubhouse.  It’s pretty simple.  But the few leeches in our life you will be on short leashes. Expect nothing, cause you give nothing.  

I guess if I saw my son going out of his way all the time, beat me to making dinner, start some laundry, do something without being asked. 

Yesterday, I knew He was home, said can I save money and you take the kids to your dad. All he said was, “I guess”. I proceeded to say “maybe you can help me on your day off with some stuff”, all I got was attitude and him saying, “we will have to see, it is my day off”. 

Well fuck face jr., it’s only my food, my couch, my apartment, mine,mine, mine. You ungrateful little fuck. Yes, every once in a while my son will do/say something nice. I have noticed he will suggest,”let’s go eat” and it seems to be my treat, a few times he paid his part. I’m not sure how long I can do this. My son is so much like his father, I divorced his father. Are there divorce proceedings for your own kids?

I had a friend who was talking recently about they got their kid out of there home finally. My son was listening, shared his own thoughts. He let my friend know that he stays with me cause he can’t afford to go. I haven’t seen him save. If he uses all his money he comes to me.granted when I first moved and started the job I have now, I didn’t think about all the expense. He did help me, that was this one time, how long ago was that?

This is a huge source of anger for me. I hate ungrateful ppl. I do think my son should be doing more, WITHOUT ME ASKING, he’s lived on his own before, said he loved it. I think the problem is: he doesn’t want to go, he might be lonely. He doesn’t want all the expense on him (welcome to the club, but you do what you have to do). He has heard my Master speak about us living together, which he then asks me later, “when is that hsppening?” I don’t care when, just know that I’m not gonna be concerned about you. You’re an adult.  There are plenty of shelters, you have friends,  you have another parent.  There are always answers. I think it’s easier for him to do this in my life cuz he knows I care about him, I do. But boundaries are needed, but not adhered to.

So to my Master: here’s my problem. Just when my ex gets 2 kids ,I go back home to 2 more kids. I never get a break. My son is always trying to get me to know how to do his life. There is tension between us. I can’t say anything to him cuz the moment you leave we start fighting. If you say anything to him, we start fighting. Now that his ex is taking him to court he’s angry and taking it out on me. I give it right back. Yesterday I thought he was just going with me when I dropped off the kids but he had other things gs to go do. I was so pissed off, by the time I saw you I could hardly think. I’m tired of his son coming to my home sick. Yesterday I yelled it at him, NO MORE, which my son asked. “Where are we supposed to go?” Exactly, no one would take in a sick kid. That’s like asking someone to watch this atomic bomb. I’m tired Sir. Quite frankly, I don’t want to be mommy to my adult son. I just want to run away from the stress. Now that this moron exposed my protected address I’m supposed to just sit back,  twiddle my thumbs and tell him it’s ok. IT’S NOT OK.now that he’s going to court I will see a court take money from him, so he has less, he was already doing everything for his child. I have even said to my friends , I’ll do anything for my Master, now that he’s busier if he needs anything for His daughter, I’m there. My son, stopped what he was doing to take the tI’m to tell me that I don’t do that for him. So. I did yell back at him, ” when I decided be in a relationship I signed for everything.  His children are important to me,  they are part of him, even when we live together the kids will be important. If my Master needs me to watch them, do something for them it is my duty to back Him up” My son ws not happy listening to that , I guess he feels he ranks higher than anyone. Well, I say, “fuck that you ungrateful little fuck” why should I bend over backwards for my son, he’s not my dominant, I owe him nothing. He has even expressed his unhappiness over Hawaii. I can’t keep this up. I feel sort of better letting it out . Maybe I needed to tell you that I feel it under the surface all the time as I live with him. Him doing what he wants as he chooses is difficult for me when it’s my space.  Each time he needs money and I’m expected to give it right then, but then I must wait weeks before being paid back, or if at all. When you tell me to talk to him, we fight and argue. When he recently changed jobs he didn’t ask me, just did it. No thought I guess if he can cover everything . 

Can anyone see my anger? I feel trapped. I feel used. I feel angry. I’m tired. 

Granted there was more stuff going on that day, true. But this is the source of most of my anger and irritation. 

Him picking up his son, to fall asleep cuz He’s worked all day. I do the same job, I’m awake, and now it’s assumed I want to watch a toddler, I dont. Wait, let me clarify! The only toddler I would watch  while a man sleeps is that of my Master, I will do it willingly, with joy. But not for him. I don’t have a relationship with him, gross, but you understand. The man I fuck, my Master, is the one I will do anything for.

I usually want to hit him when he sounds like his father.  I can’t do that much longer, it’s like dealing with my ex. Does he have a plan for his life? He says yes, but I don’t see it. Him giving his son food to walk around with , all over my furniture,  the floor. He doesn’t always clean it up. I need him to clean it up, I can’t live in filth. I shouldn’t have to.

I’m not sure I’ll be done complaining about this.  Nothing changes. I need it to, soon.

-babygirl

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