So confused

  1. Recently there have been 2 men just on my damn nerves. 1. The ssi guy who refused to work with me, just being an asshole because he can. Everything in me just says, ‘this is so unfair’. Because it is, everytime he asks for papers I get them to him, as quickly as possible. You apparently had me believe you were losing them all. Why would you do that to someone?  Just because you can, doesn’t make it right. So I shocked your stupid ass, I lawyered up! I have never seen anyone be so nice as you are being to me, at this moment. Because you realized I wasnt bullshitting you. I meant it. 

    So, on to the next person. This one is my own son. I did vent the other day. But things aren’t getting better. He and I might need to sit down ,but with a referee. My son and I used to fight like this, it was the first year after divorce. He saw his abusive father control me with fear,  he started trying the same thing. We were recently arguing, when he looked at me and said, “Don’t you dare talk to me like that”. This is actually, word for word, something his father said to me many times, but usually being hit right after that. I am not afraid of that anymore. My son and I have talked about how hard  our home life was on the both of us. But it’s not going on now, so you must move on. 

    How/when did he become so ungrateful.  I don’t owe him anything. I didn’t have to have mercy on you during your time of need. I was a bit reluctant because of our old past,  and recent past. No one really knows what you have put me through.how mean you have been, how undeserved you really are. 

    Do you really have it in your mind that I owe you something? I dont.  When you stop being helpful around my home, and why? Plus, you need to stop putting me down. Keep the sick one out of my home. Tonight I said no sick kid, cuz I’ve needed the break, and yet you still did whatever the fuck you wanted. Realize I never have a break anymore. I can’t relax in my own home. There is no where to go without a child, and I need some downtime from all kids. Falling asleep and leaving a toddler for me to care for? I don’t think so. You’re his parent, do your job. I did mine.  you refuse to help out, very little. This makes me angry. Even writing this makes me angry.

    Thanks to my girls for letting me vent. I needed that tonight. I am just not understanding what changed. Why i feel like a victim. I refuse to feel that way. If you think ill back down, you’re wrong.i helped you when you needped it, somehow you lost your way. You will need to find your way again, but soon you may need to get your shit together or leave. If i want you in my life i dont know that i can live with you. The fact that you talk to me like you are your father, guess what, hes no longer a part of my life, and for good reason. Choose wisely.

    This libra in me is craving peace, balance,serenity. Ive been so angry. I need it to stop. But im not giving you your way. Im not giving in. I’m not your victim.

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    One thought on “So confused

    1. Selina says:

      Hugs to you and your right, you don’t deserve to be mistreated by anyone

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