Middle of the night

In the middle of the night I realize I have much on my mind. I feel like I’m missing Him, but I know it won’t be forever! Just for now. We just work together so well. I love how we are both thinkers. We both just get shit done, I like that. 

I really like whatever this change is that’s happening. I don’t know how to define it, or what it is ,but it’s like we get closer all the time, more vulnerable to each other. More things are being revealed since we are so comfortable with each other. 

Yesterday, felt wonderful. He included me in things He’s needing help with, and I used to build homes. Yes build, from the ground,  up. I know I may not be the one to actually help Him although I would be if He needs me, but I had this indescribable feeling, I’m right where I want to be in my life, need to be!

Things i want Him to know:

You CAN trust me. I won’t ever cheat on you. 1. I know what it feels like, and I wouldn’t want to cause that kind of pain in another person, it’s wrong.2. If I ever feel that this isn’t working and I need some other guy, I would talk to you first and end things, not that that wouldn’t hurt but it would be more respectful of you as a person. Why more ppl don’t do this is beyond me. Once someone has cheated you should call it a day. Don’t lie to yourself about how much you love that person because obviously you really dont.

I truly love you. I will admit I thought I loved other people, children are not included in this. But the feelings I have with you are so deep,  so strong. It’s like nothing I’ve felt before. So I must have just really cared about others, because I have not felt what I have with you, for any other man I’ve ever known, includes my exes. Also lets me know that ppl do throw the word ‘love’ around a lot. But I truly,honestly love You! I’ve never loved anyone before, nor could there be anyone after you now that I know this feeling, i understand each corny love song! I get the chic movies! I also understand why someone would ask another person to be theirs forever,  you want that feeling around you to last a long time, it feels great. 

You really are my best friend. Because good or bad I want to share things with you. I value your opinion. I like talking to you, you seem to feel as safe with me as I do with you. You’ve changed my life so much, in a good way!  You push me when you think I need that. It’s like you are the first person to read me. You know when something is bugging me, you know when I’m fine. I like that you’re tuned in, I feel important. You make me laugh! I know that seems like a guy job, men like to make women laugh, but I really laugh, no making it up, no fake laughing to impress you, I think you are so funny! 

I am here to better your life as you do in mine. This shouldn’t be just one way,  lifestyle or not. I know sometimes we get caught up or lost in the lifestyle,  forget that ppl should have real roles in our life. But I think we for together quite nice ,even in the vanilla world. I like that as we get closer that ‘us’ really has meaning.  But then I also like ‘us’ in the lifestyle too. Best of it all. I like that we solve problems together. Things won’t always be so hectic,  we will have more balance as we evolve. 

I’m here because I know what I want. Which is a life with you. I know I go slow, but it seems to work. Plus we have obstacles to clear from our path. I did have this feeling the moment I met you that you were ‘the one’ the elusive one that ppl search for . I had wondered if I’d ever find you, but you found me. Twice. I got so very lucky, or whatever I’m supposed to call It! I do get why some ppl take a plunge after weeks, a few months, it’s that feeling, it’s undeniable.  It’s always there to remind that you’re with the person you’re supposed to be with. But I’m glad we didn’t rush. We have our own way.  Our own story♡  I’m sure you’ll tell the our grandchildren how grandma was a dope and lost you once, but you found her again. The second time was much better, she was ready to love! And fell in love with grandpa heart and soul, so completely! 

I love you, I don’t know why this was so important to say the words here,  but it is. Thank you for finding me, loving me, changing my life. I know you’ll pick the perfect time to put us together, I trust You! More than anyone in this world.


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