Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. 

Daddy had a long drive ahead of Him, He asked me to come along. Yes! How exciting to have Daddy all to myself. 

My Daddy and I are fun, wild, but he’s way more adventurous then me. Me? Well I’m a Libra so I need planned spontaneity! But we always have a good time together. With us it’s never a dull moment! But I also like that we can be silent and just in the moment. I love that! So many ppl fill the silence with chatter. For me, I know if I’m comfortable with you I can just be me , and at times I won’t talk, I’m just enjoying the moment of that person’s company. Daddy will ask me what’s on my mind? I honestly answered, ” I’m hungry Daddy ”  He just smiles.  Did He think I was deep in thought , running world problems thru my mind?  Nope, I’m simpler than that.  

When Daddy and I did talk, wow! We talked of love, of life, and politics, and 1 person I have some anger for. He listened to me, i listened to him. I find my Daddy to be a most intelligent man. Well thought out opinions, doesn’t just follow the masses. When He believes in someone or something He can talk quite passionately about that subject, I love that. Im that way too. 

It was so much fun to be with Him. I really enjoyed this time together.  I do love it when He just breaks out in song! Lol . He is the most unique man, one of a kind! Sing ‘our’ song Daddy♡. And when He told me I’m beautiful. I could feel He meant it, I actually felt beautiful. I know He says it all the time, but this was just the way He said it!He let me know this: I really thought when we were playing and He had His phone that He must be watching porn or texting friends, I never thought in a million years that He was making a video of me. 

I did find it interesting when we were talking about threesomes,  we were honest in what we want. I really want Him in charge over me. I want Him to take care of me in this setting so it’s enjoyable, I’ll follow His lead. Be transparent so i can always feel safe.We were able to be so open about it. I think He doesn’t know what to say sometimes since most females in His past were way to possessive,  how it appears to me. I’m not the jealous type, or I wasn’t, til Him. That was an emotion I had not experienced before, not even when married,lol. But I find He’s not wanting me to be jealous, He’s really showing me it’s all about ‘us’! 

Even with Daddy wanting poly type thing when we are together,  I’m not bothered by that. He says ill get transparency on this too! I really feel that He will find the balance, I don’t feel Daddy wants a me to leave, not at all, or be jealous. It will be a delicate balance so I know as my King has His time with others, I’m still right by His side as His queen! Where He put me in a place of honor.

I am looking forward to starting a life together under the same roof. But I also enjoy what we’ve started together. I look at Him and I can feel the love coming from Him. No other woman holds the key to His heart, it’s all mine. He took the time to build this trust within me. He doesn’t want to break me, but enhance our lives together. I know He loves that we both have other interests besides just each other. And I fully agree, most couples make that other person their whole life, and they get bored. For Daddy and I, we will do it different. We didn’t it wrong the first time with our exes. I believe absence makes the heart grow fonder, plus everyone just needs time to be themselves. But I’m looking so forward to forever with this man.

That smile,  those blue eyes, the way He seems to look thru my soul. He just gets me!
Love you Daddy♡

-His Kitten 

A deep seeded need for bdsm…

There are many reasons to enter our way of life,  but not everyone stays and calls it a lifestyle. Some feel a deep seeded need of not belonging to the ‘vanilla’ world in which we are all born into.  We have these desires of dark and twisted things. The need to be overpowered, taken against our will. The need to spank,tie up, or use another human being for our dark desires. We are the freaks, but that’s what the world would have us believe. But are we?  

I don’t know about you, I can only speak for myself. But I had this feeling of not belonging since I was young. At 6 yrs old I was raped repeatedly by 2 grown men. At 8 yrs old wound up in a foster home for over a year, I was beat daily from top to bottom. Once my mom got me back I was put in a situation of having a step father,  and by age 11 he was treating me like his girlfriend. My whole life sex was violent and I craved it that way, through no fault of my own. This just seemed normal to me.

Ironically I had never been made love to, even while married,  not til my Daddy. A few months in He let me know, He gets  I liked it rough, but what about softer?  That was foreign to me. Only time I’d seen  romantic love was in movies and it looked rather boring. Daddy said it was beautiful and we would be doing that throughout our relationship,  I fought it of course. I didn’t see why I needed something that no one before Him ever did, I was fine. He put His foot down and my choice taken away, I would be made love to. It wasn’t as bad as I thought, and since Daddy and I had a connection it really was beautiful. I started to need it too. Now I ask Daddy for it, and He smiles. See, there is a lot to learn in bdsm. 

I chose the path of a slave when I was 16 yrs old. I thought it was the most lovely sight watching a female serve the man she adored and loved. To this day I follow that example. I want Him to see me, the slave me. Does He feel that love emminating from me through serving His needs. Hard part about serving, we serve on good and bad days, any kind of mood you are in. You must put ‘You’ aside to make your Master the most important thought you Have! If we only served when we felt like it, is that real submission?

Bdsm is about freedom, and growth as a person. How do you get freedom from bondage, slavery,  serving a Master? Have you ever tried it, really tried it? You feel the freedom to express yourself in the serving. As I know what my Masters needs are, now I can add my own personal touch, show my true slave heart. He should be able to see I enjoy meeting His needs. That I live and breathe to honor Him. That joy comes across in all areas of your life, in reality, He gives that to me, I take it. Then give back to Him in another way,  and He takes that. It is hard to serve, we are taught to be selfish, put our own needs first. Being a slave goes against all we’ve been taught our entire lives.  Even some in the lifestyle have told me, they could not do what I do. Great,  no one asked you to, find where you belong here, if you belong here. Did you just need this for a while? Only you know
As for growth, you can go through your life stagnant, never push yourself for more, but true bdsm requires more from you. You will give of yourself til the last drop. Dominants want to know a hard or soft list , what have you done, and where can they push you. You accepted this invitation the moment you started talking. Now here comes the real lifestyle to smack you right in the face,  a dominant will present you with a challenge, push you past where you are, almost into another realm. You can feel the fear rise up inside you. Nearly strangle you, you fight against the dominant to stay away from this push, but they see the bigger picture,  you can do it and you’ll be fine. They will break that fight in you, acceptance is key. You don’t know what awaits you. Adrenaline and fear are your constant companions in bdsm. Once you pushed through and come out the other side, that dominant just made you feel more alive than you’ve ever been. Now you want to do it again, they laugh cuz they had to break that fight in you, now you crave what they did to you, for you. Most ppl will not leave the lifestyle over this. Believe it or not I’ve seen many leave as they would not let anyone touch their coveted hard list. But any dominant knows they will try to get that list as small as possible. It’s a challenge they accept. Once you belong to them,  or an agreement with them. It’s their job to push you. If you ever get through this type of scenario over and over, you stop fighting and look forward to see where you wind up afterwards.  It’s a beautiful thing! 

The Psychology of our lifestyle says we are very healthy for those who have been damaged.  We have the best relationships , as it’s supposed to be set up, just don’t hold me responsible if it doesn’t work out. The open communication is great and works,  having two people know their roles in the relationship, being transparent. Also, Facing your fears is so healthy as it takes you out of your comfort zone and makes you face your own insecurities. If you have any form of mental illness I always suggest a doctor know you want to try the lifestyle,  it’s for your own good. And by all means share any mental illness with a dominant who works with you, or involved with you. Things they don’t know can harm you. Dominants take this seriously, they want to help you as long as you are prepared for it. They would much rather not cause more harm,  which is why you must find a true dominant. That takes time. 

As I shared about my own history, I can be open and honest about such things now, they have no hold,  no power over me any longer. Now it’s just my past.  All because a dominant friend of mine said one day, ” You have so much pain, can I please set you free?”  I smiled politely and shook my head yes, not really knowing what I was agreeing to.  He looked at me said; ” good, we start tomorrow,  fair warning though, if you really mean yes, this is going to hurt like hell but it will be the last time you ever hurt”. Now he had my attention. He was right, the cure was much tougher than the pain caused by many. But I was in good hands,  I was safe, I was cared for. He even had a team of subs care for me after I was unbound and put in their care. All of them crying as they watched him at work. They had never seen anything like that before. They wondered how my body could take so much pain, he let the subs know it had built inside me for so long I was numb, i didnt feel anything, until he made me feel. they all said they could not take hours of what I endured, he let them know I was much stronger and quite the fighter, but he knew I’d never safeword out, he only stopped when I couldn’t pick my head up any longer on my own , he said to me and the these subs caring for me , ” i knew she was done when my eyes were filled with tears for her, she has been so hurt, now no one can hurt her again”  I only rememberd each time he asked me if I was ever going to let myself be harmed again,  I kept saying , “fuck you” to this dominant who is highly respected. He let me know that he had done this many times with damaged ppl, but this he would not forget. It was the first time someone’s pain made him cry. I had no idea that he cried that night. He let me know his friends pain,(me),  was deep and He just wanted me to be fixed if he could only reach that part of me that I hide from the world. 

What he did for me,  It helped, but it could only go so far. I didn’t love him ,only as a friend but my true dominant was out there somewhere, that woukd be the one to get me the rest of the way,  and i knew it. Present day, I now have my Daddy, He has made more impact on my life then anyone. Each day I must face the brat in me, and choose to serve, I love to serve Him. He has taught me so much, I’ve come so far. I have more work to be done, but Daddy is man enough , definitely dominant enough. It’s hard for the brat in me to accept ‘Daddy’s way or no way ‘. Daddy had his work cut out for Him. He accepted me, the challenge, He still says it was no big deal! To anyone else, well just try to get me to do something I don’t want to do, good luck. Daddy knows me, cares for me, has my heart in a safe place. I will never be the same again, as He has pushed to the edge, over the edge, and beyond. I’ve faced more fears with Him. I like this me He has helped make. I long to see where I will wind up! 

I love to write about the healthy aspects of our lifestyle! I can’t be without it, for me this is how I need to live each day. 

Hope this helped anyone, would love to hear your own thoughts, stories of your journeys thru bdsm!

-His kitten

The gift of a dominant

In our lifestyle we all know about the gift of submission, an actual person giving of themselves to you, to use how you choose as long as you take care of them. What a Gift!

The flip side is there is an actual gift from the dominant as well. Does anyone ever think about that? Talk about It? I’m going to go with no here, but let’s do hit on this now. Maybe you can deepen your submission, if you see this side of your dominant.

First off, the gift of a true dominant is just accepting you as you are, flaws and all. All those perfect imperfections! While you grow together your dominant will accept the challenge of changing these things in you, helping you to become the best you.

They see us subs/slaves for what we could be. I don’t know about you, but I don’t see past the person I see in the mirror, while my Daddy says He does. He has pushed me in so many ways, so many areas and yet I will still fight tooth and nail about some areas. He finally called it like He sees it, I got irritated, but gradually had to come to realize He is the only man who really gets me. The look we exchange in these moments is His dominant stare that says; “I adore you mi amore, but you won’t win this, I see the real you”. Which makes want to meet His gaze, but It’s so powerful I can only look Him in the eyes for mere seconds. 

A dominant will give purpose beyond the present. As my Daddy sees the bigger picture,  I’m stuck in the moment. Recently with so much falling apart at once, I got moody and grumpy, made Him miserable with being so emotional. He gave me a bit of space to feel how I needed to feel. But He took the reins and showed me how to see these things and carry on. The next thing that fell apart I was processing it differently.  I’m a fast learner! Well, I do believe there was a belt invloved , that was a good motivator to do it His way.  

My Daddy gave me a safe place to express myself. My pain, resentment,fears, anger, love, and any other emotion I feel. Hopefully not all of them at the same time, lol.  This is actually cathartic for me. To get rid of pent up emotions that I stuff all the time. Most don’t deal with Him, just things I couldn’t or didn’t want to process. This however does not mean an attitude adjustment isn’t coming if I unload this on Him incorrectly.  I’m learning ,as of recent, to wait for Him to show me the way,  to keep calm as I let it go bit by bit, keep my tone respectful cuz He is all over this shit and fast. ‘I can be taught!’

My dominant offers peace,love, guidance and discipline. Some of which I’ve explained above, but there’s so much more to it. He instinctively knows when I’m in ‘The Babygirl’ frame of mind, or if the sex kitten side is out, am i ready to bow before Him and serve with my slave heart. He can read me like a book. And He lovingly adjusts for each side of me. I know when He is teaching me, I can read Him too! I don’t waste His time, I listen and learn. For those moments that He doesn’t feel I’ve done my best, or the brat part of me sneaks out , He’s ready to discipline. Believe me, He’s ready.(ouch)

He will give me His strength and courage when mine fail. Can you find a stronger love than this? I think not. In my most recent writings I’m very emotional since I am not the type of person to see the forest through the trees, but He does. He spent a little extra time with me, talking with me, showing me how He Sees things. His way was so simple. Could it really be that easy?  It was, as things still felt unsettled around me, I stopped crying. I felt no power to change all this stuff, but change my perspective on them. He seemed much more pleased with me, but still planned more for my ass, til He’s happy with my behavior plus I think He feels guidance and discipline go together. After His lessons, He will spank me. Sort of like ;’ let’s make sure this really got in that thick, stubborn head of yours’. As He spanks me He really will ask me questions and expect answers. 

What a wonderful gift each true dominant brings. Thank them, and often. I do believe this may be a much bigger gift then submission.  But I guess they do go hand in hand. If we weren’t submissive before them, whom could they train. Take what your dominate offers, but not like a greedy ,selfish brat,but as a wise person who can see the truth when it presents itself. If your dominant gets furious with you, try to realize they see the ‘real’ you, the ‘You’ that you will become under their care. 

I truly love my life with Him, even in those painful moments. I love you Daddy.

-kitten 

Do you believe in miracles?

I was never sure til it felt that the last moment was upon me. 

Yesterday, was quite a day. Everything went horribly wrong. As I laid on my couch to come up with a plan I felt worked for me. It would be tough on my part, but when life is ready to kick my ass to the curb, I was fighting mad but ready to break.  I know my Daddy loves me , He was hoping for a solution as well. I couldn’t see a light at the end of this tunnel, but He never left me alone. I know I’m strong, but this was my final moments to figure out how to do this. 

I knew my Daddy could not move me into His home, He has 2 roommates , there’s no room. Plus I don’t expect Him to save me. I know we always said the kids come first, His daughter should be His priority over me. I expect that from Him. So, as I thought and thought. I figured I could pay rent one more month, hope my son and my Daddy could care for the kids, cuz I couldn’t pay my fine too. If I didn’t have it by October 3rd, I found out it would be 30 days in jail. I would just give Daddy my bank card ask Him to plz care for the kids food and utilities, there should be enough. 

I knew if I was in jail, I would definitely lose my special needs son, and couldn’t get him back. The thought made me cry. My son didn’t want to go, He wanted his mom. I always knew as He got older this would happen, but not yet. I was hoping Daddy would take my daughter in, maybe my son too. They have all bonded , but if he said no, He just couldn’t then I’d have to ask my bff. I can’t lose her to my ex,  don’t to lose either really, plz protect her at all costs. I thought about hiding her, and I knew I have more jail time for that. Not an option. Daddy had no idea why I’ve been so jumpy lately, why I can’t sleep, can’t eat, and not sure of how to help Daddy understand what I was going thru,  without actually telling Him all this.  Would He stay after This? Would He be mad that I didn’t discuss all this with Him? Probably, but I knew his ex was fighting with him a lot more. He is so stressed out from His own life. Then He has this other business in His life and the danger had picked up. I knew He didn’t need one more thing. I always know He lives me though. 

As I had no answers for any of this. I was just hoping for the best. I do want to live with my Daddy, but not out of desperation, because we made a choice together when it was right! I love my kids, they are my life, but I had told Daddy they mean the world to me, He knew they did, but I could only hope He would hold onto my daughter for me. Make it seem to my ex as everything was fine. 

I wondered how I got to this point?  How did everything go so wrong, so fast. I didn’t know. But I knew my blood pressure was way up, I had to have surgery before life changed, and I would have to make the best of this, however that would look.

I couldn’t live with other bff, she gets married soon. And my best bff is getting married to. So, I would not intrude on their lives. But find a place for all my kids, do my 30 days, and sort of disappear til I could figure it all out. Make sense of my world again. Would Daddy agree, probably not. But He has so much on His mind, how could He deal with more? I couldn’t let Him, I love Him to much. I know He loves me, He makes that clear.

I hoped He would take my daughter,  take my money that does come in, take care of what He can, and breathe. He is the best man I know in this world! He deserves to know that He’s one of a kind. 

So, the miracle part has come. There is this man in my life that never let me go through this stuff alone, I call Him Daddy!  And my bff, Chanse, is helping me so I don’t lose my kids. I never saw either of these people able to help me. But they didn’t bail on me either.

Daddy trying to make plans for us, and all I could think was how much I love Him, but I’d be in jail by then. I knew He would be ok, He’s one tough man, all the stuff He’s been through, it didn’t break Him. I am so lucky!  

 Maybe miracles can and do happen, even if you don’t know how to believe in anything. I needed one, and it’s coming! I get to keep my kids! I will have a place to Live! Thx to Chanse and her Dom. Last but never least,  I get to see my Daddy, the love of my life each day! I still need surgery and to lower my blood pressure,  but I see my future! I also feel after sharing all this Daddy may have a lecture for me, and possibly more, but I know He loves  me!

When shit hits the fan

Well shit did hit the fan today. You always know that bad things can and do happen. As my Daddy says, ” prepare for the worst, hope for the best”. I did have this type of thinking all day today. Twice shit hit the fan, and I  had more than enough to deal with, big stuff, life changing type stuff.
What surprised me the most was, that in the past I’ve always gone through all this stuff alone. Occasionally I will let a few close friends know what’s going on, but for the most part I’m not one to air my life on social media, or go cry to everyone i know so they feel sorry for me.Today I never felt alone. My Daddy was right there, even if only in text til we could see each other. Once He was near He held me close like His body was speaking to mine and I was listening. I felt more loved in that moment than ever. I felt so important.  I did not feel alone. Daddy let me know verbally I was not alone. I so needed that!

I have a few close friends who called, they knew today was a big day for me. All of them checked on me. One thing I can say , as shit got the fan today I felt very cared about. My friends noticed I was sad but not to depressed. I let them know that my Daddy did that! Finally someone cared about me in this life, like never before. I did start to cry when telling that part.

When you’ve never been important to anyone, you know the difference right away. I always wanted love, but it never happened, til Daddy. It still freaks me out. How do you get used to something you’ve never had? How do you ever get to feel that you deserve it? As Daddy’s slave I feel most unworthy. He will have to change that if need be. 

To all my friends and family, you proved I’m important in your lives when my day goes to hell, thank you. I will remember that always, and when your life sux note I’ll be there for you too. 

To my Daddy: you are absolutely the most wonderful man ever. You helped me through a tough day, made me feel so loved and cared for. I’m glad you’re here, don’t ever leave. I need my Daddy♡  I know I have more to go through because of today, but I don’t feel alone. Only you did that for me, I’ve never had that before. I know it sounds stupid to be happy that everything went wrong today, but it showed me that you are the man, you are not just saying words you know I want to hear from you, you actually backed it up. Thank you so much Daddy. 

Daddy, I’m horny. 

I LOVE YOU DADDY ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

-His kitten 

Babies on the brain!

Ok, so Daddy created a monster! I was very unhappy for years after having my youngest child. I always wanted more children. I always had my heart set on a big family,  when that didn’t seem possible I started to go into myself.  I gave the idea up, with much heartache.  My Daddy recently opened this up for me again. I don’t think He has any idea how on board I am with this! He doesn’t know how happy He’s made me. I want this so much! This has made me so happy that I want everything He’s been talking about. 

I saved tons of pics, took tons of pics! I was even asked if I was expecting!  The lady let me know I didn’t even look pregnant,  I’m not, Hoping that soon I will Be! 

This is just of my favorites so far! I even found everything with Hello Kitty for lil baby girls! I found lots of football stuff for boys. I had lots of fun today just looking,  daydreaming, and thinking about babies. 

Oh no, what has Daddy done to me?! I got babies on the brain!

-babygirl

Let’s talk about abuse

If you’ve put up with a narcissist,  then you might be like my old life, way before my Daddy. It was cold, distant, lonely, and very abusive. I have scars and broken bones that go with very evil stories about that man I used to be with. I always thought since he never laid a hand on the kids they must be fine, I was wrong. I was wrong to stay so long, it nearly cost me my life,more than once. If you are in a bad relationship, please seek help. You deserve happiness,  not walking on eggshells, or using make up to cover bruises. Keep in mind too, police may fail you many times, for me they did even with his handprints around my throat. This does not mean to not call 911 , please do, maybe they will help you where they failed me. 

I’m here to help,give hope. You can get over it, but you must take the first step. I won’t give you false hope either, my ex ,the predator that he is ,has not served one day behind bars. I even thought divorce papers were my ticket out, I was wrong, He got more violent. But I’m still standing! I felt the fear and dared to live anyway. I figured the worst thing I could do was succeed. Live a happy life, he had to watch it all as he interviews the children about my life each time they are with him. Now i share my life with a man who is not afraid of my violent past. He’s my Daddy,  my Master.  The only He’s laid a hand on me is minimal and usually just my ass, but I asked for it. It took my kids getting to used to this kind of hit was ok, I’m not afraid of my Daddy and they shouldn’t be either.  

My ex was so smooth after separation and divorce that all our friends took his side, He knew well placed tears were getting him sympathy votes.  Take those sorry ass friends, I didn’t care. I’d rather be alone. He made sure he had others spying on me, still does and it’s been years of not being together. Anytime I must be near him fear does go up and down my spine, I know what he’s capable of. I look at him as though he’s the most dangerous, venomous snake alive. Never trust him. I know the real him. The one he his from the world.
If you can understand these memes and what I’ve written then you are like me. Well, the old me. I’ve gotten mush better, life is good now. My kids are so much better. Once my youngest is 18, I won’t need to be around him, talk to him any longer. I wait for that day! It will be time to celebrate! 

Please get help. For you and your children. This is NOT love. Love shouldn’t hurt. Love shouldn’tmake you afraid. Love shouldn’t keep you locked in the house like a prisoner.   No friends, no family, no outside world. No desire.  You hate yourself only because they convince you that you are the problem. But you are NOT the problem. They knew the game the moment they met you, you never had a chance.  If you are alive now, you have a chance to leave, to run. 

I’m done running now, my Daddy promised me I’ll never have to run again from my ex. I do still get protection in court and through another program to hide my address. It made me feel empowered. Take my life back. I did counseling, but it wasn’t for me. I never see the point in talking about it cuz I’m free now. I’m happy now. I live the life I want now. 

These are reasons I needed my Daddy to go slow, but not anymore. I can even handle the idea of marriage again now. I never saw that one coming. 

There are plenty of ppl who can help. Police, homeless shelters, churches, state agencies.  There is no excuse to stay. My ex nearly killed me 6 different times. I am still here! Get empowered to get your life back, get your children’s life back. To be happy for the first time in a long time ,I’m sure. Feel the fear and face it anyway! I do. No more excuses for not leaving. You can do it, I’m living proof. You deserve this, you deserve better, you deserve real love. 

I may never get over all of the past, but I’m damn sure I’m gonna enjoy the rest of my life!  With a wonderful man! And a crazy but bright future ahead of me. 
If you feel suicidal, please seek help quickly. This is one thing your abuser wants you to do, he can show everyone it was your problem, you were crazy. Please don’t give in this what they want. Find your strength,  you will need it, figure out how to stay empowered.  Get some good friends!
You’re new life can be anything you want it to be. Figure out how to be a new kind of family with your kids and others