I decided to go look at rings. They are so pretty, there is so much to choose from, wow! Colored diamonds, colorless diamonds, to different shapes and sizes. I honestly wish Him luck when picking cuz I am indecisive and if I was picking a ring, that person would be upset with the fact that I could not narrow it down,lol.
I guess I’m excited, I’m trying to stay neutral. I don’t want Him to think I expect this. I also don’t think He should go broke over a ring, wedding,etc… these are just things. I never had an engagement ring before, so this would definitely be the first time. I don’t care if He was to get it from a pawn shop, bubble gum machine. I just want Him to pick what His heart tells Him. I will show pics of the pretty things I was looking at, but again, I don’t know how important is a ring.
I truly feel the bigger deal here: marriage. The rest of the stuff is just that, stuff. But for marriage, it will be the rest of our lives. Are we meant to be, He’s completely sure? Does He feel , beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am definitely the ‘One’? I want Him to be honest with Himself, and with me. I refuse to let either of us waste our lives. Yes I love Him that much! We both deserve to be happy, very happy. We both did the opposite of that with our first marriages. I don’t think either of us wants a repeat. This part is way more important to me than all the diamonds in the world. To be with someone who truly loves me, unconditionally. Wants only good for me. Would never think of harming me. Keeps me safe, yet wants me to experience the world! Always be by my side, thru thick and thin. Won’t cheat on me as I have had this done to me numerous times, i couldn’t handle it again.
Everything i desire doesn’t have a pretty bow on it, no sparkle. It’s what we bring to each other. I know I could make Him happy, happier than He’s ever been, but I want Him to really know exactly what He wants. If it wouldn’t be me, I could live with that. I would rather He be happy in His life than be stuck. I love Him so much I don’t want Him to ever feel like He must ask me a question unless He feels that it’s right with everything in Him. But I can say I like my traditional Daddy!
So what changed in me that I’m now on board. Well, my oldest son looked at me and said, “You know if He keeps feeling like you are rejecting what He sees for the future, He may think you not really in love with Him and just leave one day”. My sons’ words hit me hard, “But I do love Him”, I said with tears in my eyes. ” Then stop pushing His ideas away of what He wants for the future with you. We ,as men, will only try for so long and then if we keep feeling rejected we will quietly go”. ” I don’t want Him to go, I want Him, I just don’t need all this stuff. Marriage, wedding, ring… I just need Him” I say. “Well mom, I love you, but this man is trying to say something but you aren’t listening. He’s trying to show you something ,but you won’t see iloves you, He wants to do this with you, not to you. Do you really hate marriage that much?” I took a few mins before I spoke again. Tears now running down my cheeks. ” my sweet son, you think I hate marriage? I don’t ,I enjoyed taking care of a man. I need the right man this time. I don’t want to mess up again. It hurt so bad the first time. I hear Him, I see what He’s bringing to the table. I adore Him. But there are obstacles, none mine. So I don’t rush. I just wait for a clear path. I worry that obstacles will take forever to move out of the way.which I really wish the path was clear, I would feel so much better. I have thought about each time He’s said something. I’ve even mentioned it to my girls. Some want to tell me what to do, but I know me best, and I will follow my heart! I already know what my answer will be.” My son was quiet, He had no idea that I had already processed much of this. “Son, you of all people know I just want to be happy. Plus I’ve never had a ring, I’ve never had a honeymoon either. The wedding sucked. But then so did the marriage. I lived without all the things women go crazy about. I just want Him.”
With that, we ended our conversation. I realized my son was right. Why was I not more on board? Part of me thinks that preplanning before being asked is a bit much for any man. But then Daddy is not like any other man. And, Daddy brought it up first, several times. So I’m on board. Still processing. I love my Daddy!
Here’s the rings I checked out. It will be great to see what Daddy picks. I’ve never been surprised before. So I guess that part is the hardest for me.
– His kitten