Tuesday was a rough day, I was meeting my Dr to have my birth control removed, I was told a few yrs ago when it was put in that I could have it taken out and still have kids. I found yesterday that was a total lie. Plus since I have allergies to metals I was never a good candidate for this birth control. I was in shock, had other things to do, so it went to the back burner.
Once I saw Daddy ,He held me and reminded me that we are together and not having a baby changes nothing. I needed that. But I was wanting more babies for as long as I can remember. I love being a mom.
I woke up at 1am , and just burst into tears, it finally hit me. There would be no baby. I was done. It didn’t seem fair. Now I get to watch several of my friends get engaged, get married, get collared, have babies. I wish them all the best, but it will be hard. Today I got pics from a friend, her daughter was born last night. She doesn’t know any of what happened. But to see her daughter and know it’s done, was a lot to take.
I get that men and women differ on this. Men see this as a take it or leave it kind of thing. Women, however, feel devastated. They want to bring His child into this world, another connection to you.
It felt that the universe, God, whomever was against me. I’ve had this not so lovely life and I had this thought for a brief moment that I could finally have everything I ever waited patiently for. The man of my dreams! And a child born in love! With a man who is excited about that. Now my picture has to change. I’m processing as fast as I can.
I have cried. I do feel sorry to not ever feel a baby inside me again. The only procedures are way to expensive, so the factory is closed for good. Wow, that just hurts to type and know it’s real.
I know time will help me move on from this. But it was such a blow. Am I being punished for something? While everyone around me gets their wonderful lives. I still have my Daddy, the man I love. We do have kids to take care of, His and mine, there will just be no ‘ours’.