I Could Beat You For That, But You Would Enjoy It Too Much: Alternative Punishments That Work
By Guest Author on June 28, 2013.This is a guest post by Norische.
Punishment by nature is something that is to be avoided, something that is negative; it should be unwelcome and act as a negative motivator. It can be used to motivate a submissive/slave to start behaving in a certain manner or it can be used to encourage a behavior to stop.
Some people think that a paddling or spanking is punishment; these actions would normally be what I would do during play and not punishment, therefore I do not recommend that such activities be used as a form of punishment. Many individuals become accustomed to the physical discomfort, even enjoy it, and therefore the physical punishment slowly looses its value until it is no more than a mere event of the day.
Jay Wiseman writes in SM101, A Realistic Introduction:
“I firmly believe that the dominant should not slap, spank, paddle, bind, confine, or otherwise perform any common BDSM act on a sub as punishment. We are trying to create positive, erotic connections with these activities. Let\’s reserve them for that area alone and not cloud the connections. I also firmly believe that a dominant should never slap, punch, kick, or otherwise touch a submissive in anger.
“Punishment often involves pain and many submissives enjoy pain. Indeed, some will manipulate deliberately so they can be “punished.” This is why I strongly recommend that pain not be used as punishment.”
(SM101, A Realistic Introduction, p. 274)
I find that the punishments that are most effective are not physically based. When I discussed this concept with another Dominant he got this very blank look on his face and asked how else should you punish if not physically. It is for him and others like him that I am writing this article. The concept of punishment is limited only by ones imagination, and I must say I have a very vivid and sadistic imagination.
When deciding on a punishment there is some simple rules to start with.
First, never punish when you are angry. Stop and take a little time and think, don’t lash out or do anything rashly.
Second, make sure the punishment fits the crime. Do not over punish and do not lightly tap the person on the wrist and say “Bad!” If you are going to punish at all, make sure that it will leave a lasting effect.
Third, do not punish without education. When you punish make sure the individual knows what he or she has done, and what behaviors can be changed to meet your satisfaction, otherwise the punishment is useless.
Fourth, punishment should be done in a timely manner. If you plan on waiting for more than a few minutes to punish make sure the submissive/slave writes down the infraction and understands that punishment will be taken care of later. Making an individual wait can be used as part of the full punishment as well. However make sure that when you do punish that you have the submissive/slave reads or talks about the original transgression and that they are aware of why they are being punished.
Fifth, never cross limits or boundaries. Always respect limits and fears or phobias even when punishing. If someone is claustrophobic do not lock him or her in a closet as punishment, the mental trauma would far out way the transgression.
Sixth, once a punishment is over it is over. Do not continuously hold an action against the submissive/slave and do not bring it up later, once punishment has been given the incident should be forgiven and dropped.
Seventh, do no punish unjustly. If you don’t know for 100% that the submissive/slave has committed the infraction do not punish him or her.
Eighth, never be afraid to say I am sorry. Punishment is not meant to be pleasurable to either the submissive/slave or to the one that inflicts the punishment, when you know you have hurt someone it is acceptable to say I am sorry. Unless you have hurt them in a way that was not intended, make sure that the individual knows that you are not sorry about what you did, but you are sorry that you had to do it.
From time to time a submissive/slave will do something that will disappoint his or her Dominant or they will act in a manner that is unsatisfactory. Submissives/slaves are still human and therefore they are not perfect and sometimes mistakes happen. It is always unpleasant to punish someone you love, but if punishment is not done then you are doing them a far greater injustice. Punishment is an accepted responsibility of any Dominant and must be done, but it should be done for the right reasons. There is only one reason to punish, the submissive/slave behavior or lack there of has displeased the Dominant, in an effort to express this displeasure and teach that the behavior is unacceptable and must be altered the Dominant must punish.
I have created a list of effective punishments that you may use, if nothing else perhaps this list will give you an idea of where to start. Some of these punishments may not be acceptable for you, others you may have already used, I hope you find something with in these words that may serve as useful.
Sub is to stand in corner, either for a specific amount of time or until the Dominant states that the sub may leave.
The sub is not permitted to serve.
The sub is not permitted to call the Dominant by his or her chosen title, i.e. Master, Mistress.
The sub is not permitted to wear his or her collar.
The sub is not permitted to sit on furniture.
The sub is not permitted to sleep in the same room as the Dominant.
The sub is not permitted to sleep in a bed, and must sleep on a mat on the floor.
The sub is not permitted to speak.
The sub is not permitted to make eye contact.
The sub is not permitted to eat with the Dominant.
The sub is not permitted to go nude, and must wear big baggy, unflattering clothing.
The sub is sent to his or her room.
The sub must sit on his or her bed in the dark and not allowed to leave the bed, until the Dominant gives them permission, they may not fall asleep.
A gag or tape is placed on the sub’s mouth.
The sub must wear a sign stating “I am Bad” and tell anyone who asks why they are wearing the sign, then ask the individual to sign their sign.( Humiliation to me is abusive cuz of my ex. This would cause more harm than good for me)
The sub is not permitted to smoke, if applicable.
The sub is not permitted to watch TV.
The sub is not permitted to use the computer.
The sub is not permitted to have sex.
The sub is not permitted to have an orgasm.
The sub is not permitted.
The sub must wear granny panties, and a big saggy bra, or ugly cotton briefs or even long underwear.
The sub must count out all the grains of rice in a large bowl, counting out loud mind you.
The sub must wear a diaper and use a pacifier.
The sub is not allowed to shave.
The sub must carry a large clock around with them at all times…this is very effective against tardiness.
Essays As Punishment
Essays are an excellent means of getting a submissive/slave to focus and think about what they have done. This form of punishment normally takes quite a while to complete and allows the sub time to reflect, it also allows them to have a written record of the incident that they may refer to at a later time. I normally choose the length of the essay based on the severity of the transgression, most of the time I have chosen between 200 and 500 words, although I have used more and less at times.
Here are some possible subject areas for essays.
“What Service Means To Me?”
“The Meaning of Respect”
“How Do My Actions Reflect on my Master/Mistress?”
“What Makes Me A Good Submissive/Slave?”
“What Is The Definition of Submission?”
“What Is Corporal Punishment?”
“What Is The Difference Between a Slave and a Submissive?”
“Trust Within A BDSM Relationship”
“My Word is My Honor”
“Honesty, It’s Meaning and It’s Effect”
“The History of The BDSM Symbol”
“My Duties As A Submissive/Slave”
“What My Master/Mistress Means To Me.”
“Want vs. Need”
“The Sanctity of The Master/slave Relationship.”
“Manners, and Etiquette”
“Protocol and Its Role In The BDSM Lifestyle.”
There are many others that would be educational as well as useful. The Dominant may wish to choose a subject area that is focused on the transgression, or he or she may wish to have the submissive/slave write a 300 word essay on what the transgression was and what they think should happen as a punishment.
Another thing that is helpful is to have the submissive/slave do repetitive work, such as writing the same thing over and over again. For example…
The sub must write five hundred times
“I will learn to manage my time wisely”
“I will always say Thank You for any privilege”
“I will not interrupt my Master ever again.”
“I will not correct my Master/Mistress in public.”
“I will not pout, whine or act like a spoiled brat.” ( good luck with this one )
You can use your own judgment to create the appropriate wording. I find that if the submissive/slave must go sit at the kitchen table by him/herself and write repetitively a single phrase and is not allowed to get up until they have finished, the effects are both positive and long lasting.
Within this article I have listed several ideas that I hope can be useful, I also hope that you enjoy this article but are never required to utilize my suggestions. Please take what information you find helpful to you and that which is applicable to your current situation and then discard the rest.
I will add here, that in our lives, I never, ever, ever, ever tell Daddy I’m bored. He will put me on task.
Yes, I did alter this list a bit. But i have a great reason why… if Daddy read some of those things He’d do them. He has a very evil mind. He can come up with His own punishments , it’s not like He’s ever out of ideas!
– His kitten