Old Time Protocol
Author: Dennis Najee
Things certainly changed over the years. The BDSM community once was an underground network of people who lived in secrecy. There was a time when the only “advertisement” this lifestyle received was an announcement of a munch in the local rag. People did not openly discuss power exchange relationships. The D/s and, certainly M/s, relationships were foreign to 99.9% of the population. Of course, the Internet changed this a great deal.
There was a time when protocol amongst the members of the lifestyle meant something. Newer people were introduced to this way of life with a respect that was taught to them by others. People were human and interaction was friendly but that was not a sign of lackluster attitudes. Dominants were shown the proper respect by their position since it was known that all who were there (for the most part) earned it.
At the same time, people were also respective of the submissive types. Trolling was unheard of since everyone was expected to adhere to the policy of “not infringing on another person’s turf”. This was a commonsense practice that worked ideally for many years.
Again, we saw the Internet change this scenario. To start, many of the Dominants online are not worthy of any respect. They are pretenders to the nth degree. Their desire is to use and abuse in a way that is harmful. The part of the life where a submissive is taught to grow and expand is overlooked by these individuals. Instead, they are only interested in cheap sex or someone to pay their way. BDSM is a sex and money pit and that is it.
The respect that came with the old time protocol also disappeared. I will admit that I am guilty of slagging some people off online. However, I do this with reasonable assurance that they were not what they proclaimed to be. One only needs to spend a few months on a BDSM site to learn some of the tricks people use. Once you have them down, you notice them repeated over and over. Nevertheless, in general people do not show others in the life the same respect that once existed.
Society At Large
Many of the factors that I am mentioning are also prevalent among society at large. Respect is something that is disappearing with each new generation. Watch how people behave in your local supermarket. There was a time when people were considerate of others around them. People would often let someone with only a few items cut ahead of them to save that person time. No more. Now, you stand behind the person with two full baskets even if you only have 6 items. Common consideration is dead.
At the same time, people are losing interpersonal skills. Again, in the “olden ” days, people had to talk to each other. Other than the telephone, communication was face-to-face. Meeting of people actually involved being in the same zip code as them. Munches were the primary vehicle where people within this lifestyle met each other. If you were new to a community, you tried to find a local munch to attend.
Again, we point to the Interact to notice a change. Today we “meet” people from all over the world without leaving our seat. Our interactions are virtual now. We get emotionally attached to characters on a screen. The connection carries a lot less meaning to many people.
At the same time, the idea of being respectful to others online is all but dead. The BDSM sites are full of people who would never dream of showing up at a munch. They utilize the anonymity of the Internet to involve themselves in a place where they otherwise would be too fearful. In addition, these same people also exhibit a great deal of cybercourage. There Internet muscles are strong. However, put these people in front of a real Dom and many of them would cower like little girls. They are disrespectful because it is so easy to do it.
In the end, our culture is changing. Is it good or bad? Who knows. The bottom line is that it is and we need to get use to it. There is no point in being a sourpuss while reflecting upon the good ole days. The world changes and BDSM is not exempt from that practice. Learning new skills are important to advance as society does. While there are drawbacks, technology and new eras open up a lot of opportunities. Be mindful of this the next time you want to put your fist through your computer screen at some troller. They make the real people stand out that much more.
I love this writing, again it’s not mine. I’m sharing it for good reason. I don’t like the changes I’ve seen in our community, whether online or not. The respect is gone. Most doms are playing games to just get laid, not to have a real connection. When I started training subs and slaves years ago it was worth it, but last few years not so. I had to teach them real from fake, give them things that they could identify so they weren’t harmed. Some listened, some didn’t. Never blame me for your own mistakes, I warned your stupid ass. I told you this lifestyle wasn’t about some stupid book, it was deeper. If you are that dumb to not even have common sense then don’t be here, but don’t blame us either. Those of us who are real, tried to show you the way. Plus I’ve never seen so many titles just thrown around without being earned. Disgraceful.