Last week has been super rough. He’s been there every step of the way, right by my side, encouraging me, talking to me, loving me, caring for me, helping me. I feel very vulnerable right now. I saw Him, how He handled it all. The words He spoke each time I had a meltdown.
My heart beats for Him only. My soul feels settled when He’s around. Last night was hard to take, my reality is difficult right now. He let me drink, I got to relax, let my mind go. He showed up to spend time together, no kids. It was so good! I got sex! It was amazing, as usual. It had been so long I was trying to tell myself, ‘like riding a bike’. It was nothing like riding a bike! So much better than that! I felt whole again, connected.
At lunch I took something the wrong way, it ruined our whole vibe. I’ll admit, right now, I’m not in a fun mood. There’s so much on my mind. He felt I don’t trust Him. I’m learning to. It does grow stronger all the time.
I’d like some credit! I never felt less than during a threesome. He was attentive, even though I couldn’t do much after surgery, He made sure I was fine, and I was! Still am! It did take time to get here, He has put in the time. I’m very thankful for that. He’s the strongest man I know. He’s taken on so much with taking me as His babygirl/slave, and taking on my kiddos.
Some time alone to think gave me perspective. I’ve been upset for quite some time over something neither of us can change from the past. I thought about Him for a while. He must be so tired, of feeling helpless to change things He cannot change. I noticed I never ask Him where He finds the strength to get thru. I never ask Him how He has been dealing with this situation for so long. Does He just want to lash out irrationally sometimes, yet holds strong that someday it will be over. Maybe someday I should sit down with Him and just really listen, let Him get it all out. I know He has in bits n pieces. I guess I’ve only seen it from my side, how I feel, how much I hate this. How I feel disrespected, hurt, demeaned. How much worse must He feel, because He’s a man we figure they should deal with it.
My respect for grew so much once I thought this from His side. How trapped He must have felt for so long. How many times we’ve talked and He has renewed hope for it to be done soon. I realized today, because it has been happening for so long, it affected my trust. Not in any other way, but when will we get off this carousel ride from hell. As I see my trust had been shaken since it hasn’t gone away. I know I can’t leave His side, I want to be His strength when He’s had enough. Believe me, I heard the tone of His voice, He’s so done. It showed me His strength today, I didn’t see weakness. He doesn’t feel sorry for Himself, OK maybe He does every once in a while, who could blame Him.
He has hope, and faith that one day soon it will be done. I’m going to try to look at this how sees it so I stay strong too. I want to be His rock too! I want to be someone He trusts to talk to about anything, oh yeah, He does.
I felt so dumb not seeing His side of this. What would anyone feel like when they don’t have full control over their life. He has shown me that men don’t dwell on things they can’t change. He’s waiting patiently, same way I’ll wait as I’m by His side. I want to be part of His solution, not part of His problem. Somedays I worry that what if we do the same things we did in old relationships, it hits me it won’t work. Part of me is glad we’ve never rushed our relationship into anything, we know each other well. OK, there’s this small hopeless romantic part that would runaway with Him, and live on love!
I know even when we have disagreements, I’m not looking for a way out. I’m trying to find a way to be stronger. Damn, He’s changed me so much. Even as I watched my week suck ass , He wanted me to get strong, stay strong. Today I understood why! If I had to deal with the bullshit He has, and for so long as He has, He must look at everyones problems around Him, and they pale in comparison. He’s understanding, but get a grip. He has never said those words, but does He feel them?
My job as His slave, is to make His life easier, to serve, to love, to care, to be His toy, to be His woman by His side, forevermore.
It’s a pleasure to be His, I like our life, my trust gets better all the time Sir. Someday I’ll be there. Today I got it!
Love you Daddy