As I’m telling my bff all about my week, I decide it’s to negative, I need to put out some positive vibes and now. I hate it when ppl are only negative with me, now I’m doing that to myself, no no no.
The positive stuff was great things going on. Kids are doing great, except a few are sick, no big. Our littlest one did fall and hit her head, she’s gonna be fine! So happy. I’m getting some job offers! But when my bff asked how Daddy and I are doing, I stopped dead in my tracks. I get quiet. Tears well up in my eyes, my voice is shaky. She starts thinking the worst. I smile at her thru my tears that are just ready to fall down my cheeks.
She demands an answer from me, I’m overwhelmed and choke on the words. I start again, “He believes in me”. She smiles back at me, hugs me. I say, ” there’s tons to tell you!” I have never been treated like that before, not in my life. I’m not sure I deserve it. But He’s talking about big things, scary things like meeting His family, that’s huge to me. He’s reminded me a lot ‘we’ will get thru all of this together. He keeps asking me what’s wrong. Well I’m scared to death of how things in my life are going ,but He’s been right by my side this whole time. He’s not wavered. He’s been my Master, my Daddy, my best friend, and my soulmate. He’s been strong for me. He’s been my rock, my shoulder to cry on even as He’s been guiding us all. He’s been in control, so much so that I haven’t wanted to drink all the alcohol in the world. Him having that power has been so freeing and wonderful for me. I have such deep respect. I’ve spent much time right now in babygirl mode, He’s allowed it! The slave in me is there, but the woman in me is struggling to find the courage one more time to get shit done. I’m trying to stay motivated. I’m trying to keep my eyes on Him.”
There was so much more to say, but trying to find the words to describe Him, nearly impossible. If I can’t tell Him how I feel, how will He know? Does He truly understand that my love for Him drives me each day? Probably not. Or that I’m trying not to count the minutes til He and I get to wake up to each other each morning! I can hardly wait, it feels more tangible then ever now.
It’s been a long wait , but it was worth every second. We know each other so well. I know what He wants/needs without any words. He’s the same way with me. I’m the luckiest babygirl in the world. I have the love of the most amazing man ever. I get to spend the rest of my life with Him. One day I get to take His name even if it’s only 2 letters off from mine,lol. Plan a life with Him! My god I love this man. I’m so thankful He loves me beyond words too. That He even wants the job of taking care of me and all the kiddos. Believe men like Him don’t come along everyday. I’m looking forward to our future!
I always thought Disney got it all wrong, that there were no happy endings, but I found mine, or He found me???
Hope you all had wonderful holidays!! Now it’s a new year, with new hope.