Counting on forever

I’ve been deep in thought for a week now, I’ve come to realize that I really want to be there for Him and all He’s going thru, but I truly need Him to know I can only process in chunks. I don’t get so stressed ,or ready to argue. It’s not the ideal situation, but I’m here. He’s a smart man, doesn’t make a move without thinking it thru. I trust things will take care of themselves. I can’t worry about it, not want to. I have better things to do. It’s one of those ‘ make it or break it’ times in ppls lives. Those times that just suck the life out of you, as you are in survival mode.

Time. All He wants. So, I’ll wait patiently for my love. I’ll do my best not to give more stress. It won’t help the situation. It won’t help us. I’m trying not to struggle, then I can’t breathe.

As I think of where we are headed, I realize that we both have exes, some maybe harder to get along with, but hopefully not impossible. I have tried my hardest to be understanding about one of His exes, but being pushed beyond what I want to handle doesn’t make me happy. I’m out of my comfort zone. Plus seeing Him hurt makes me want to fight. I do want Him to still be transparent, even though I’m trying to process at the speed of light. I appreciate that from Him. But as I think about the rest of our lives together, I need Him to show me how to get along with her, for his child’s sake. This person will continue to be in our lives, same with all the exes, but I want Him to know I can try to make the best of it, as long as He’s by my side, I think I can, I think I can… I know me, I’m doing my best. But then He has to put with my exes as well, and one of them is not so lovely either. Why must it be that way? Who knows, can’t we all just get along.

I can say I’m proud of us, for taking our time and really bonding. He’s my best friend, there’s nothing I can’t share with Him. He listens, He gives His perspective. I’m so glad that there were obstacles, it showed us that we are strong enough to get thru them all. This last one seems like He’s got a good handle on it. He’s reminded me it’s not forever. I can trust Him. 

I’ve gone thru the worst with Him. I’ve broken my own heart along with His, I walked away from Him over stupid things. Not once but twice, after that I promised I would never do it again, and I didn’t. I really want ‘us’. I always have. I have wanted to be His since we met, the first time, I was just so afraid of getting hurt. I’m much stronger now. 

Hoping for a happy life. One where we look out for each other. We are there thru good and bad. For me, bad is now, and He’s showing me how important this is to Him. I try to not be self centered, only think about what I’m going thru. His pain must hurt so badly, but He stuffs it. Gets to work, does what any man does, makes life happen. Strives for happiness.

I want to hold Him right now, let Him melt into me, become one with me. His pain is my pain, we share one heart, one soul. Emotions gets caught in your chest. As you push it back down with all the strength you can muster. We’ve all been there. I can tell He’s not Himself, Cuz He’s a million miles away. His happiness is in spurts. He’s trying so hard to be everything to everyone. But I worry a loss is coming, I hear His heart crying out. I want to save Him, He won’t allow it. He’s the Dom, the strong one. Yes, my love you are, but in this moment it’s OK to be in your safe place and not put on a facade of happiness. There is no judgement. Only unconditional love. 

I will care for you like no other has before. Drop your worries, and your pain in my lap, those emotions are not new here. I won’t be scared, I won’t runaway. I will be your strength if you must give in for the moment. Find your strength in me, take what you need, breathe in life, be renewed. Then go take on this world. I will be waiting to hear your report from the front lines, where the most traumatic things are happening. I can handle it, give me chunks. This is not all or nothing, I’m right here. I’m strong enough to withstand your storms. I’ve been thru my own. 

I may fall apart momentarily, but I always get back up. I’m just like you. We are a lot alike in many ways. To strong for our own good. You do it with such grace, while I choose to be a whirlwind. I see us building, a strong future, one that can’t crumble over small , insignificant things crashing into us. We will get thru this-together. My love for you is so vast, I just need you to know. Right now there is no right or wrong way to accomplish our goals. 

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