For months Daddy let me off the bdsm hook so to say, gave me space as my pain got worse, I couldn’t have sex, and we both waited for my surgery.
After surgery we had to wait for me to heal, I’m a horrible patient. He was not happy with me. But He didn’t spank me out of fear I’d get hurt, but He didn’t put me on task either. He let me be me.
I got back to work as soon I could. My body was still trying to heal and now do my normal life. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it… But something was amiss.
I had wracked my brain trying to figure it out. Daddy and I were good, but our connection was lacking. I wondered if we were near an end for us, I didn’t want that. We have put in almost 2 years together, we have amazing sex. We can talk about anything. He’s my best friend, my Master, my Daddy, my protector, my everything. But what’s going on?
I knew I was arguing about the same thing over and over. It’s a sore spot for me, I don’t see anything change so I figure I should accept the inevitable. I’m gonna lose Him. I’m a strong believer on working things out, trying it all before you call it a day, but I wasn’t sure what to think anymore. I’m still a bit lost.
Then He did something out of the blue. He told me off. I was shocked that He did that. A little surprised too. But inside jumping for joy! He figured it out. He’s the one in charge, not me. I still haven’t asked Him if He felt the same way, cuz it came on Him right out of the blue. He told me my rules again. I’m thinking to myself, ‘ oh yeah, I have left most behind’. Not good. He let me know I will obey them as I have always been expected to do. I said, ‘Yes Sir’. As I know how to answer Him properly, but I was getting the message.
I hadn’t asked to do anything in months, I just went and did it. In all fairness even in lifestyle stuff there are some situations I can’t wait for His answer I must go, but a text will be sent and an explanation of why I couldn’t ask. It will be up to Him to decide if He feels it was good enough to let it go or will it be my ass when I see Him. He’s always been a fair Master. A very good Master.
With kids around us and We don’t get lots of time together,it’s much harder to be naked and waiting in slave position for His inspection of His property. Only He will let me know how I shall please Him in all ways.
I started doing what’s expected of me again. I ask for everything regardless of what it is. A few of my friends were not so happy that I had to go back to waiting for His response instead just go do what I want. But I was smiling. I knew exactly what had been missing now. His direction over our lives. We both slipped into vanilla quite comfortably and once the smoke cleared from all the issues we had with my health, bdsm was left at the wayside, in many ways.
He cares! I keep getting teary again. I now know the reason I’ve felt so lost, He was not what I was keeping my eyes on. I was just doing life. I’m good at it. But I need bdsm, I crave the rules, structure. It shows me how much He cares. How much He loves me. Even us kinky ppl can lose our way too.
I want to ask Him what happened? Did it just hit Him that we fell out of our roles in the lifestyle? When did He figure it out? Don’t get me wrong, we are a strong couple, we survived months of vanilla. But I wake up and I have my rules, and my structure back. I have my Master back. Oh fuck, I have plenty of bad shit coming my way, I might not survive for real. He is a great Master, a very good man, but He’s got the memory of an elephant, and I’m screwed. Which was the conversation recently. How will I start serving my sentence? Only He will answer that. He’s even prepared to take away my phone. My phone? I can’t survive without my phone. There was a time I could and did get thru life without my phone. But no phone?
As I am most happy! My friends don’t understand, well a few do. The balance is back in my life. I am following my rules. I live by the structure He has set for me. I guess I will be asking to speak freely when I need to talk and not yelling anymore. Oh god, I have yelled at Him. He’s definitely coming for me. He’s definitely gonna make up for lost time. I’m sure He’s bdsm proofing our relationship. How not to fall back into vanilla ways.
I feel so good, yet full of fear at the same time. It’s a strange feeling. Only He knows why. Only He knows the holy terror I’ve been. I can work in a vanilla world, raise our kids in a vanilla world, but I can’t remain in that vanilla world for to long. It changes me, and not in a good way.
I love you Master. Thank you so much for getting us back on track.