The problem is…

Today Daddy is sick. All I want to do is to take care of Him. I cleaned , I coughed, then cleaned some more. It’s almost done.

 Then Daddy took my dog home. My younger son and I were talking, my son reminded me of why I was so sad. My son let me know that  anytime I cared for anyone, or anything my ex got rid of it , if it was a person he put distance between me and them. If a thing, he got rid of it. I had 3 dogs that were mine the entire time we were married. A male boxer named Muhammad Ali, a baby female boxer named kenomi, and a Rhodesian Ridgeback named Ryley. They were close to me, I loved them so much. They weren’t in my home at the same time, spread over years My son reminded me that the more attached I got the less my ex was happy. So he would give my dogs away. 

That would hurt so bad. The hardest pain. I had no friends, no family except the kids, I was pretty much all alone. He had even turned two of my kids against me. I remembered tonight as I listened to my son talk. Two kids hating me while we were divorcing wasn’t ideal. But I don’t give up. 

” Now you think you’re man is taking your dog, like my dad did. But that’s not true. Your man loves you. My dad tortured you. But I can tell your sad like you used to get. You were alone mom. With the man you love, you won’t be alone again” Said the wisest son ever

I just listened, I was blown away. He got it right. That’s how I felt, like someone was taking something from me again. I wasn’t mad at my Daddy. I didn’t hate Him. But I didn’t understand either. I didn’t want anyone to think I was being ridiculous. But the abuse runs deeper than I think sometimes.

Plus, no one really knows that when I’m lonely, no Daddy around, no kids, my dog is there. Yes he bugs me at 6 am to go potty, I don’t want to get out of my nice ,warm,comfy bed, but eventually I do. 

After divorce, one of the kids had a cat. The cat and I hung out each time the kids were gone. I wasn’t lonely. That’s how this dog is for me. I can be by myself, no prob. But when I’m feeling lonely, that’s a whole different thing. I know Daddy is busy, but I don’t want to tell Him how alone I feel and to plz make that feeling go away. I know He’s busy, prior commitments. I know how important I am! Thank you Daddy. So I keep it to myself.The feeling came thru loud and clear, I’m gonna be alone.

 Will Daddy’s other dogs be good to my baby? How nice it will be for my baby dog to have access to go potty when he needs to. He will have Daddy’s daughter to play with! There are good things, but it explains why I was so upset.

I am alone now. Kids are gone. Daddy had to go and get stuff done. All I want to do is snuggle up to my Daddy. If I can’t snuggle Daddy, then I snuggle my dog. Both are gone, now who shall I snuggle with?

I guess I don’t like being lonely, or not having someone to snuggle with. What’s a babygirl to do…

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