Pain… In our lifestyle it’s a foreground. We know most of us fall into 1 or 2 categories, love to give pain (sadists), love to accept pain ( masochists).
After reading some new articles in a popular psychology magazine, I’ve gained new insight from the articles as to how healthy our lifestyle really is.
Our lifestyle let’s us go with our own flow. We pick where we fit in, being dominant or submissive and everything in between. You’re accepted for who you are. And let’s add this to, respected. Could that be any better? You get to find someone who has the lifestyle in common with you, but you will try to find someone you are in perfect balance with. Of course this makes those relationships deeper, we have opened ourselves up to each other and are exposed. We both must trust that we can be ourselves, and then you include, another deepest level of connection between two ppl.
OK, the lifestyle is not always perfect. But it works! You can find what you need here, even if only someone’s play partner.
Let’s look at the lifestyle deeper. I have a friend who is a psychologist. She swears there’s nothing better than our lifestyle, which she practices in bedroom only! To be able to ask for what you need. Yes, we are supposed to have a trusted person in our life ,and this goes both ways. My Master sometimes ‘needs’ to just give pain. It’s cathartic for Him, you can see it coursing through His veins. Since I’m His slave I do as I’m told. Even though I would have anyway. I ‘need’ pain. It’s quite cathartic for me as well. For me, it clears my mind, stress goes bye bye, I can think again! It’s great. I should ask for pain more, but when your dominant is also a sadist ( be careful what you wish for!) If He asks if I need some extra pain, all He’s gonna hear is: ” I’m good! I’m doing so good, but thanks for thinking of me” Lol. The funny thing is He knows when I’m really unhappy, and I need something. I want to shop, drink, fuck. But I really need His guiding hand to just give me pain. Only my sadist loves me to beg for it. That gets Him going, the thoughts rush in of what He’d like to do to me, before I know it He’s got me bent over the side of the bed, or anything nearby, giving me pain, fucking me from behind, and beaming with pride cuz I’m a hot teary mess. Granted, once He’s done I’ll be in His strong arms being cared for and loved, but in that moment,love looks different.
That’s what the world sees. Violence. But what you see as violence, I need, I crave, I desire. I feel closer to Him at that time since He’s giving me what I need, what I asked for. He will even push my limits, sometimes take away my choice, punish me. The trust in that moment is amazing, I have to trust He can and will give me what I need without harming me permanently, or killing me, or crushing me emotionally. He trusts me to give Him my body to do with as He chooses, to serve,put Him first. All I see in this is the beauty of it. The world doesn’t see what we see.
There is something to be said for working out your inner demons, even things you’re scared of. A good dominant will not let you stay in that frame of mind, even if they don’t own you but do care about others in our world, they may just help you through your darkness. I’ve seen it plenty of times.
For instance, in a class that Dominants and submissives were taking, the man running the class asked all subs ” Are you stuck anywhere?”. We all knew what that meant. An older woman, a slave, raised her hand. She explained that she and her Master had been together for many years, they had a beautiful life together, four kids and some grandkids. Her life was to serve, that was up until the moment he died. In a way she died, as in she just stopped. There was no Master to guide her, or even release her. The whole room felt that pain. Four ,long time Masters/highly respected in the community, stood up and went to her. They all vowed to guide her through her menagerie of feelings. Check on her, and get her to a place emotionally and physically that she could be released. It took alittle over a year, but that’s what this lifestyle is really about. It’s not sex, that’s the icing on the cake. But when vanilla ppl visit our world to dip their toe into the bdsm pool, or just visit after reading a certain/seeing those movies, do they even spend any real time here to grasp any of this? Probably not. Just here for the sex. But there’s so much more.
I used to teach subs and slaves, i could tell without any doubt who really wanted this lifestyle. For those who wasted my time, I taught them red flags and told them to be very cautious, because no self respecting dominant would want someone not serious, so only those who were pretend dominants would want them. I was right Everytime. These subs and slaves would get angry with me when these men were to rough, harmed them, or even raped them. I warned them. But they chose not to heed the advice. Am I at fault? No. If you wanted dirty sex, even bad ppl know to come here. But don’t you dare blame the lifestyle. We didn’t harm you, we accepted you, just as you are. We tried to help you, you didn’t want help. This lifestyle is no joke for those of us who need it, crave it. This is how I live each and everyday, there is no vanilla anything for me. Maybe at work, in front of relatives or kids, but that’s about it.
When will the world ever see the beauty in who we are, how we live… Maybe never.
There’s absolutely more to say on this subject, but for now I’ll close.