Slave in waiting

We had the hardest two months, I’ve had to cater to everyone else but Him. I’ve not been given that time to make sure my Masters needs have all been properly taken care of, my heart’s desire. 

Time apart is really weighing on me, I feel a disconnect in the distance. I’ve been as patient as can be. I try to hold it all in, but it’s eating me alive. 

What I desire, me in slave position before Him, Him doing that deep breath of approval ,His hand on my head which tells me He’s happy with His slave. 

I do get to serve Him. Breakfast nearly every morning, it pleases me to do so. But I miss so much being before Him. It’s something He and I share on the deepest level. It only has meaning to us. I tear up as it has been non existent since everyone else became important. He let the balance be this so I could help one of the children til His life was back on track. It’s coming along, but not fast enough for me.

I long to be at His feet, my place of honor as I’m His. Eyes closed, I breathe in the sweet air around us, bask in the love He emits from Him to me, and back again. He will say in a whisper, ” what a beautiful sight it is to behold”. 

I need it, with everything in me, I need that. The more disconnect I feel, the more I am sad. How does a slave balance putting all first? She doesn’t, not without her Master showing her the balance. I need Him, now. I long for Him, He’s not there. My soul calls to Him, I need Him to hear it and come to me  

I’m no good on my own, for what is a slave without a Master? Nothing. What is a Master without a slave? Empty. They must move together, breathe together, balance each other. Her put Him back in His spot as her object of all delight, so she may serve from her heart. He must accept all the love and care she’s giving, and put her back as His object of desire. 

Out of balance will not be good for long, only the Master may lead them both back together. He knows the way, He created it. This is His world they exist in, she is His loyal subject, His queen, His goddess, His desire. He is her everything as well. What a most beautiful thing as they feel this for each other…

Where is my Master, as my soul calls to Him. Fill me with the love I desire. Heal my soul. Let me serve. I need no words, I just need your heart near mine, my love. To be in your presence. I crave this.

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Trouble is my middle name ( original story)

Daddy is always clear about ‘ no men’, I’m feeling very bratty. I need someone to play with me, I don’t need a man for that but some hot girls and toys sound just fine.

I wait for a weekend that he’ll be gone, get some girls lined up for a ‘ girl weekend at my House’. It looks as though I’m gonna have a great weekend! I do set up an online ad for some extra girls to come over and have fun. I got plenty of responses. The house will be full from the sounds of it. My girls and I will need plenty of food and alcohol. 

Daddy left  for his weekend trip. That was cutting it close. Hope he didn’t see anything, food/ alcohol. He didn’t say anything just kissed me good bye and said to behave myself! I get to making snacks and ‘finger’ foods for all the girls coming over tonight. I’m ready for guests!!

By 8 pm there is the first knock at the door. It’s a cute blonde in shorts and a revealing top,she’s got friends with her, all girls!  oh my am I horny! Sort of wish Daddy was here to see this. I’ll take pics for him. Umm no I won’t, if he knew what I was up to he’d be pissed. Ok, no pics, no mention of this on any of my social media. 

More girls come through the door, as does more food and alcohol. Music up loud, alcohol flowing, beautiful women dancing. Party seems like a success. Women wearing barely anything at all. Nature took it’s course, a few girls have already had the same idea I had, fun! Girls kissing, some heading down the hall to the bedrooms. I need to find a girl for me though. I see her at the other end of the room. I’m looking at her, she’s staring back at me. She’s so hot. Dark hair, blue eyes, cute outfit with plenty of curves, and just a lil dominant. I’m not sure how submissive I feel but i gonna see where this goes, if the dominant one goes badly I’ll bring out my bitch side, she’s not my Dominant. Lol. My dominant is gone for the weekend and I’m in charge of me! 

She makes her way thru the group of girls and she’s standing in front of me. She wants to get me a drink, get to know me. I’m up for that. She hands me a drink, we make small talk for a few mins. She pushes me up against the wall and her hands are all over my body. I’m wet before she ever gets between my legs, once there she feels how wet I am, smiles at me, goes in for a hot steamy kiss. She grabs my wrist and we head down the hall to mine and Daddy’s bedroom. I hear more and more girls enter the house, I don’t really care.

Once in the room, there’s already a girl sitting on the bed,naked. I’m liking where this is going. The dominant girl pushes me towards the girl on my bed. Girl on my bed opens her legs and the dominant one wants to watch, there’s a big surprise. Who does that to me? I’m thinking… Wait for it… Daddy. I kneel before this girl and my hands slide over her body. My tongue needs to explore as well. She’s moaning and I love that sound. I’ve got my fingers inside of her while working her clit, dominant girl is off to the side playing with herself while watching. Now that’s different…Umm not really, I’m thinking all dominants must be pretty much the same! 

While me and the girl are switching our positions, I hear this loud ass noise getting closer. It’s from outside the house. OMG! It’s bikers. No no no… It’s not him is it? How the fuck did he find out what I was up to? I’m dead. I need to hide. Oh Fuck.

I move the girl off of me, to peek down the hall hoping I’m wrong, front door flies open, holy shit this time it’s not girls. But it’s Daddy and his club. Apparently one of the girls was making a video of the ‘ wildest girl party’, plastered it all over YouTube and lo and behold, he saw it. He sees me down the hall, naked, in the doorway of our room, “stop right there” he says in his angriest voice. I’m thinking ‘ fuck that, I need a window, a guardian angel, or just let me die right here’. He’s down the hall before I could move, he’s got a hold of me. 

” Care to tell me what the fuck is going on?”

” I get a choice? Then, not really,no”

” You have 2 mins to explain, that’s your only choice” 

The dominant female is heading his way, trying to tell him that I’m hers. He laughs and pushes me aside, grabs her by the throat, “She’s fucking mine, that was her only choice years ago, she’s not allowed to go now, but having a party without my knowledge” he shoots this look of death at me. I want to run,but for some reason I’m frozen with fear. The naked girl starts caressing his dick, he looks down at her,

” You’ll get that soon cutie, once I know WTF is going on” he pushes her on the bed. 

” I didn’t invite any men, only girls, your rules” I say

” What about all the other rules?” He says

” I can only do one rule at a time, I wanted some fun, I was horny, I also wanted some alcohol, and you were busy and you were supposed to be gone all weekend, how did you know what was going on?”

” Next time you throw a huge ass party Babygirl, confiscate all cell phones, the girls in the living room gave it away, it’s all over social media, we are throwing the ‘ party of the year’, next time, there won’t be a next time, but get rid of the phones. Now you’re gonna play hostess and feed a shit ton of bikers. They are pissed, hungry, and horny. I’ll take care of you later” 

My night of sex and alcohol became a night of serving bikers food and alcohol. Watching a bunch of ppl get it on right where they were. Our couch had lots of cum on it, eww. Have this feeling once I pay for this party, I’m cleaning up by myself .
Daddy was mad, but after I pulled off ‘ the party of the year’ there was a bunch of happy ,well fed ,liquored up bikers, happy half naked chics, well let’s just say Daddy was pleased, sort of. Man has a memory like an elephant.  As the last person left the party,He took the three of us girls to our bedroom for sex and punishment. You can figure out the rest!!

I said my middle name was ‘ trouble’. Lol, what did you expect.

What love feels like

I had to try to figure out what love feels like,  what it really is. I have it for my kids, some for my family even though they aren’t a part of my life any longer. But for the first time in my life, a man! I cared about people in the past , but never had this feeling about any of them , that no matter what ,I want you in my life. 

Recently, I had been more unhappy , but only with myself, my actions. I had made my mind up that I felt i might need to leave our relationship, all because things got tough over a situation from His past. It’s not really what I wanted. I should have just gone to Him to talk it out. Plus I forget, that as much as I hate drama, now I was causing some. I was  so unhappy with myself. 

I had let Him know that if the situation didn’t go my way, I would need to go on my way. That’s not what I wanted to do either. The people around me kept telling me I was doing the wrong thing. I think I knew they were right, but refused to acknowledge it. Then I was making Him miserable over things He had no control of. I didn’t look at things from His point of view. How does a dominant deal with a situation they have no control over, I don’t know, I never asked. I was so focused on my own point of view, my own feelings, my anger.

I had to think hard about how to get happy again. All I could think of was ,apologize to Him, and accept I had no control over the situation but only myself.  I truly have a slave heart, I hardly ever put myself on ‘ The List’. But how do I survive something that feels like it’s killing me? I don’t know, so  I thought, ” if the situation won’t change, I felt I had the right to think about leaving our relationship”. That became my only thought. I knew it would hurt Him, I knew it would kill me. But I didn’t see any other choices, nor did I talk to Him. I was so wrong. There are two people in this relationship, He deals with my crap. But He also has to trust that He’s as important to me, as I am to Him. How is He to do that when I’ve let Him know I wanted out if this situation gets to be to much for me.

I needed time to reflect, and I did that recently. If I wasn’t  leaving over some stupid crap then how could I deal with  it? At first, i felt sad that I could hurt the people I love so much. My kids have come to love and respect Him. I’ve bonded with His daughter, and how could I be without Him?? Was this situation so bad that it was worth so much damage. Could I ever apologize to all these people in my life over something that felt was so damn important?I knew I had to apologize to Him. I finally got the strength to say the words. Did I expect Him to be happy with me? Not really. I’m reminding Him that I almost hurt Him over my irritation. 

After lots of reflection of our situation, I finally found answers I was looking for, they were in me the whole time, who knew…I couldn’t leave, I’m a strong woman, and it’s not like my own life is without drama. Plus it’s not drama He caused. It’s that He’s stuck, but He has said He’s working on it, I trust that He is. but this situation is not fun to be stuck in. He keeps saying we have a future,  like the sound of that, it’s great, but it won’t happen if I can’t deal with this situation.

The time I’ve spent on my own over the past few weeks, just wondering how to make things right with Him. I decided I should let Him know I was truly sorry for any unkind words, for letting this situation drive me up a wall, for even saying I might need to leave , that’s not what I want at all.

I processed the situation all by myself. I thought about what parts hurt me, made me angry, and was honest with myself about “what was my real problem”, this was not easy, but for the first time I released all my anger. I saw His side, if I thought I had it bad , He had to deal with situation everyday, no matter what. I admired Him for that. He has such patience, doesn’t let this situation get to Him so much. I knew I had to let Him know that I love Him, and how could I mean that if I thought it was ok to leave and hurt Him. I couldn’t. I had to make sure He knows I can’t go. This situation after processing wasn’t difficult as I had made it out to be. I came to the point of no matter what, this situation will be around for a long time, if I couldn’t deal with it now, how would I get stronger later. I needed to be strong now. It was my decision. 

I’m sure this subject wasn’t fun for Him. But I really am sorry for what I said. How I got to caught up in my anger to see the other persons side.

As we spent our anniversary together last night, it was a beautiful night together. Wish we could do that more often. As I looked at the man in front of me I realized I want more with Him, for real. Running away when things get complicated is not what I want. When I thought about our situation I am much calmer than I have ever been. I accepted that nothing is ever perfect. I feel really good now. I processed my anger.Even others have noticed! Saying you seem better about all this. I love that ppl notice.  I am owning the bad stuff too, I hurt Him. I don’t like that, the past few weeks have been good for me. I’m seeing things differently. I’m seeing His side of things. I’m trying to be understanding that He can’t control the world, He only controls me. He’s a very patient man. He’s a good man. He loves me! I hope He knows how important He is to me, that it was super important to me that I accept His life ( good and bad), as He has accepted mine. 

Now you know what love feels like, it’s doing the right thing no matter how hard, like apologizing to Daddy.

I love you Daddy, I hope you know that

All the things I appreciate about my Daddy, cuz He asked why and I didn’t know He wanted a list. But I wrote a list, so He won’t ever forget, and won’t ever doubt all He does in my life! 

So, I tell Daddy all the time that I appreciate Him, that He’s important to me. He seemed to want examples not just words. No problem! Ok, there’s a problem… This is hard. To tell another person all that you see in them, how they affect your life. That’s not easy. I don’t like being vulnerable, but for Him I’m gonna plaster this here:

You make me look at myself, be honest with myself. I hear from Him, “you’re not stupid, so just stop”. 

When I want to go shopping, buy pretty things but He knows I have enough stuff, but lovingly allows me to buy a few things just to feel pretty!

He’s taught me not to be afraid of my ex. Enough said!

He’s taught me to listen to Him the first time, stop excuses, if I don’t He’s going to hang up til I just get the balls to do it his way. I do it His way.

He doesn’t let me give up on myself

He’s my biggest cheerleader when things go my way! Without the short skirt.lol

He is the first Master I have ever had to include me in decisions. He has said plenty of times, ” I could answer for both of us, and you would have to go along, but I want someone sharing my life, not a robot”. I tear up just writing that. He gave me worth!

I am so loved by this man. I’ve never had that before.

He surprised me! He had a business trip, once done He was back in AZ, and knocking on the door, He was a most wonderful surprise!

He will send me lil texts that tell me He loves me, misses me, or tells me how His day is going. I know I’m clearly on His mind. 

He cooks for me! It’s delicious!

He tells me the plans He has for our lives. I feel comfortable in that, like He’s not going anywhere.

He will look at my car

He will help me when I’m stuck on any problem. Offer solutions, or if I say I just need you to listen, He does.

When I am sad, crying, near tears, having a shitty day He’s the only person I look forward to talking to. He can always make me laugh, or let’s my tears fall and just holds me. How He knows exactly what I need at any given moment is beyond me.

He will let me be my babygirl self, only a tiny bit bratty, but when I’ve gone to far He is right there to knock me back in line. It’s not a light nudge, or walks me there, no! This is I notice the line and watch myself. I think He’s to busy to notice, no He’s not. He notices all, sees all, hears all. Like a gypsy with a crystal ball. I’d ask Him my future but I’m sure somedays I’m gonna live a long happy life, other days I’m lucky to be alive. 

The saying, ” don’t mistake my niceness for weakness” yeah don’t do that to Him. 

I have more respect for Him when I don’t get my way, or how I know how much He loves me but puts me back in my place.

He always wants the best for, himself, our kids. Plus He doesn’t just hope for the best , He’s very much involved.

He will tell me how hot any woman is, cuz we both like females, but then acts like I’m way more beautiful. I sometimes just don’t get Him, the girl is hot. I see me, not so hot. But try telling Him that.

How we can be in the moment together and not have to add words. Sometimes it’s just a perfect moment being with Him, there’s just nothing to say! 

Before/ after surgery He was so wonderful to His slave. Being there for me, I felt fragile. He checked on me, made sure I was doing great. 

On His birthday, I’m the one that got the gift. Lol, that’s my Daddy!

He lets me know that I’m appreciated, I’ve never had that either. Thank you

He could cheat on me, but hasn’t. We both know that pain, and the damage it can do. So we don’t do it. 

He has His ‘guy’ time with His club, His friends, His family. I don’t feel the need to interrogate Him, He always says ‘ thank you.’

He took me someplace that was very important to Him. Only one other person shared this place with Him.

He knew of a celebration that I guess I had forgotten. He still made me feel very important.

He has had several business meetings,and He will bring me along as He says, ” I want you there for me, this is going to change our lives” . I believe Him
**This list is not full, not by a long shot, but I hope He knows how much He really means to me. There’s never gonna be anyone who ever take His place. Once you’ve had the perfect man of you’re dreams you just know. He’s my soulmate, I’ve waited a long time for Him, I don’t take any of this lightly. I love you Daddy

Together 2 years! And counting…

We are celebrating 2 wonderful, fun filled years together! I can honestly say, I don’t remember ever having this feeling last this long for anyone. In the past I wondered why, ppl would just tell me that we had gotten used to one another, that made no sense. Well, I’m used to my Daddy,but each day is exciting. We still have a kick ass sex life, love and respect for one another! This is definitely all new to me. I find my man interesting to talk to. I love learning new things, we still find more things we have in common. He makes me important, as a slave I’m so NOT used to that. I’m used to serving, never being heard, or treated with great importance. But He’s been different from the start.

This man in my life leaves me speechless. Makes me so happy. 

I told Him how much He’s changed my life, the lives of my children. All I can ever tell Him is how much we all need Him. It’s true, we do!

Where would I even begin to tell Him how much He means to me. There are no words in the English language that can express exactly how I feel. When you feel something for someone that you’ve never felt before, it’s hard to describe. I just know when I’m with Him, I feel loved​, protected, cared for, like He wants the best for me. If I have a problem yo He’ll solve it. ( Sry, vanilla ice ran thru my head!)

I know I repeat myself when I talk about Him. It’s really because I am still trying to process how I got so lucky. I’ve never had anyone in my life ,up to this point that made me feel so happy, usually by this point it was boring, but not Daddy. Plus we still have so much to do together, learn about each other, experience together. Sounds fun and exciting to me!

So, to be able to be with the man I love, have some dinner, enjoy each other’s company. That is my heaven. Sounds pretty perfect to me! 

Thank you Daddy that you want to be here after two years! That you must feel what I feel, how great is that! I’m so glad you’re in my life. Who could ask for anything more.

Evolution of a relationship

We met online, a dating site. It sounds so cliche, but that’s how it really happened.

We got to know each other first, before we started dating, but it didn’t take long to know we felt something different

This wild boy from Cali, and this sweet girl from Jersey just fit perfectly together!

Soon spending time together, learning about each other, likes/dislikes. Hoping we both felt this magic that happens between us!

From the start we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. In two years we’ve had one night of sex that didn’t wake the neighbors, sound like He was killing me! We have an incredible sex life, keeps getting better! So does all aspects of our relationship.

He’s my everything!

Even things I didn’t know I wanted, or craved. How could I not fall in love with this man.

Romantic times together

Watching TV together

On our phones together

Even when we have fights or disagreements, which I’m glad we do, we can tell how well we still love each other, and we don’t stay mad, don’t try to hurt each other. We say it, deal with it, move on. 

He is my King! How He’s changed my life, my children’s lives, He most definitely deserved an upgrade! He’s the most wonderful man in the world! I would shout that from any mountain top. 

Love it when we cook together! Damn, He can cook!! Is there anything He can’t do! Haven’t seen it yet, He’s my hero! He’s just there when you need Him, me/kids/family/friends/His club/strangers

One of His favorite toys! My ass!

We have this wonderful blended family coming together very nicely. There is one us that I hope gets to be a part of our lives in the future,(R). 

Thats us!! Five kids!! Daddy and me!! And a grandson!

One day soon put our stuff together!

Let’s!!!

Daddy, you are my life! You’re everything I want, could wish or hope for. Our life is crazy but I doubt we care, it’s our kind of perfect ❤️ love you Daddy!

Love, babygirl 

Love me, feed me, never leave me!

Hold onto me

Our story begins like any other, boy meets girl, boy likes girl, girl likes boy, they talk, they text, send naked selfies,  they get it on! From the moment we met I knew something was different about this man. I just didn’t know exactly what, but trust me I was gonna find out! Two yrs later , I’m still surprised, of course happy.  He makes me feel special. My life will never be the same. He’s one of those ‘ once in a lifetime’ kind of men.

I can say, I’m still excited to be here in this relationship with Him. We have gotten much closer, we have formed bonds with all the kids. I’d say things came together very nicely. I get my romantic Daddy. The Master I serve. My badass biker. Could life be any better? 

I know I go slow. My friends, the ones who have remained in my life, have reminded me how slow I go! But then what was the rush. I want it to be right. We both still arrived at the point where we are now. I’m glad I took my time. The ‘what ifs’ aren’t so many. We have built that trust, and communication slowly. I am so happy about that. I needed to know that when life happens we won’t crumble like a piece of paper. That we work together. That He talks to me and listens. He waits for me to process, so I can find the words to express how I’m feeling. I notice at times it might not be a subject He wants to talk about, or He maybe temporarily pissed with me for how I said something, but He’s not pushed me away, not left me. He will talk, even about the tough stuff. He will be honest with me even if it’s hard for me to take. He used to want to sugar coat things, but I showed Him I don’t need that, I know He cares about me. 

We’ve been through plenty of tough things together, and have come out stronger, that to me is a true testament to how much we belong together. I’m glad we have had the time to get to know one another so well. If not, who knows how this would have gone. But He did the same for me. He had thanked me for that too, He was used to rushing into prior relationships​, only for them to end quickly. 

Two years! That’s a new one for me! He’s been reminding me that there are future plans. That definitely sounds like something I want. I like the idea of waking up to Him each morning. I like idea of being together under the same roof. I won’t lie, I’m rather happy and nervous at the same time about these future plans. Will we be able to live together? Or will our daily quirks be to much for either one of us to survive this relationship. Ok, I may be thinking to much about all things that could go wrong, but that’s what I’m like, that’s what I do. 

There is still one obstacle for us to get through. This one could push us together to be even stronger or really pull us apart. I’m prepared for either way it could go. My mind is set to ‘ I’m doing my best to stay here and be strong’. The other part of me sees the obstacle as something immovable, and I worry that all we’ve built will gone soon. This is starting to hurt more and more, when I think of everything we have gotten through together, that this one last thing could be our breaking point, for which we may be changed forever. Self preservation. I know what I want, but neither of us can foresee the outcome, so we are struggling against each other, while holding on tight. I want to scream to the universe, ‘ how dare you test the strength of our relationship,what we’ve built’. But then part of me is curious as to how this will go. As I look at Him, I see He’s trying His very best as well, there’s no one to blame. Hardest part for me is if this goes badly at this eleventh hour feeling, we’ve made plans. We’ve bonded with all the kids. We act like a family, which is everything we have both wanted. He knows me better than anyone. I can read Him like a book as well. I love taking care of Him. Will we still be standing here, hand in hand. Or will it be over… My heart aches, as I know the answer will come soon enough, I just want to know which way it will go.

So, goes without saying, our anniversary is sort of bittersweet. I’m so happy with how things are. But my mind reminds me this could be the last time for anything… 

Time will tell… 

In the meantime, we are still very much together. I’m so thankful that I’m here with Him. Our lives have gotten busier, crazier. But we have rolled with all these punches! There are moments when I need Him, a strong connection. He stops Everything, He’s right there. He’s right fucking there. Holding me, tickling me, talking to me, kissing me, making love to me. I don’t ever want to let go of Him. I can’t imagine my life without Him. I love those texts that tell me everything! It will come across my phone, ” why am I here in this meeting?” ” Missing you” ” I’m horny” ” I love you” ” I need a threesome”. I’m as close to Him as He is to me. It’s a beautiful place to be. He IS my best friend. Am I His to? Lol

When I say He’s my everything, I mean it. He just fits into my life so well, into every little nook and cranny in my soul. He and His love are coursing through my veins. Now maybe you can imagine my pain at the thought of this possibly ending soon, or even at all. 

I had a difficult time writing. I can hardly write at all. My thoughts are way to jumbled. My soul is not at rest. My heart is weeping as my emotions are so unsettled. My blood pressure is thru the roof. How does one prepare yourself for something you don’t want to happen. How will we survive, will we.

As I will be happy for these 2 years with my King, my Master, my Daddy, the love of my life, my best friend, my confidant, fuck He’s my everything. I need Him. I want Him. I love taking care of Him as He does me. Feeling His head on my chest at times, breathing life back into Him. Preparing Him to face the world again when it’s kicked His ass. He’s beautiful to me, because it’s His soul that I see. He’s given me every part of Himself, and i gave that to Him, as He gave to me. I’m trying to hold on, only my grip isn’t as tight anymore, I can tell. Life has a funny way of giving you everything you had ever wanted, needed, desired, only to feel that in one breathe it can be gone, as fast as the blink of an eye. 

Hold onto me my love, I’m alittle unsteady at the moment. I’d ask for help, but you can’t give it. I’m hoping its all a bad dream and I’ll wake soon. Nothing is wrong, nothing will change, nothing in our way. Could it be, that just once, maybe, I get everything I ever wanted and more…  Time will tell…