Hold onto me

Our story begins like any other, boy meets girl, boy likes girl, girl likes boy, they talk, they text, send naked selfies,  they get it on! From the moment we met I knew something was different about this man. I just didn’t know exactly what, but trust me I was gonna find out! Two yrs later , I’m still surprised, of course happy.  He makes me feel special. My life will never be the same. He’s one of those ‘ once in a lifetime’ kind of men.

I can say, I’m still excited to be here in this relationship with Him. We have gotten much closer, we have formed bonds with all the kids. I’d say things came together very nicely. I get my romantic Daddy. The Master I serve. My badass biker. Could life be any better? 

I know I go slow. My friends, the ones who have remained in my life, have reminded me how slow I go! But then what was the rush. I want it to be right. We both still arrived at the point where we are now. I’m glad I took my time. The ‘what ifs’ aren’t so many. We have built that trust, and communication slowly. I am so happy about that. I needed to know that when life happens we won’t crumble like a piece of paper. That we work together. That He talks to me and listens. He waits for me to process, so I can find the words to express how I’m feeling. I notice at times it might not be a subject He wants to talk about, or He maybe temporarily pissed with me for how I said something, but He’s not pushed me away, not left me. He will talk, even about the tough stuff. He will be honest with me even if it’s hard for me to take. He used to want to sugar coat things, but I showed Him I don’t need that, I know He cares about me. 

We’ve been through plenty of tough things together, and have come out stronger, that to me is a true testament to how much we belong together. I’m glad we have had the time to get to know one another so well. If not, who knows how this would have gone. But He did the same for me. He had thanked me for that too, He was used to rushing into prior relationships​, only for them to end quickly. 

Two years! That’s a new one for me! He’s been reminding me that there are future plans. That definitely sounds like something I want. I like the idea of waking up to Him each morning. I like idea of being together under the same roof. I won’t lie, I’m rather happy and nervous at the same time about these future plans. Will we be able to live together? Or will our daily quirks be to much for either one of us to survive this relationship. Ok, I may be thinking to much about all things that could go wrong, but that’s what I’m like, that’s what I do. 

There is still one obstacle for us to get through. This one could push us together to be even stronger or really pull us apart. I’m prepared for either way it could go. My mind is set to ‘ I’m doing my best to stay here and be strong’. The other part of me sees the obstacle as something immovable, and I worry that all we’ve built will gone soon. This is starting to hurt more and more, when I think of everything we have gotten through together, that this one last thing could be our breaking point, for which we may be changed forever. Self preservation. I know what I want, but neither of us can foresee the outcome, so we are struggling against each other, while holding on tight. I want to scream to the universe, ‘ how dare you test the strength of our relationship,what we’ve built’. But then part of me is curious as to how this will go. As I look at Him, I see He’s trying His very best as well, there’s no one to blame. Hardest part for me is if this goes badly at this eleventh hour feeling, we’ve made plans. We’ve bonded with all the kids. We act like a family, which is everything we have both wanted. He knows me better than anyone. I can read Him like a book as well. I love taking care of Him. Will we still be standing here, hand in hand. Or will it be over… My heart aches, as I know the answer will come soon enough, I just want to know which way it will go.

So, goes without saying, our anniversary is sort of bittersweet. I’m so happy with how things are. But my mind reminds me this could be the last time for anything… 

Time will tell… 

In the meantime, we are still very much together. I’m so thankful that I’m here with Him. Our lives have gotten busier, crazier. But we have rolled with all these punches! There are moments when I need Him, a strong connection. He stops Everything, He’s right there. He’s right fucking there. Holding me, tickling me, talking to me, kissing me, making love to me. I don’t ever want to let go of Him. I can’t imagine my life without Him. I love those texts that tell me everything! It will come across my phone, ” why am I here in this meeting?” ” Missing you” ” I’m horny” ” I love you” ” I need a threesome”. I’m as close to Him as He is to me. It’s a beautiful place to be. He IS my best friend. Am I His to? Lol

When I say He’s my everything, I mean it. He just fits into my life so well, into every little nook and cranny in my soul. He and His love are coursing through my veins. Now maybe you can imagine my pain at the thought of this possibly ending soon, or even at all. 

I had a difficult time writing. I can hardly write at all. My thoughts are way to jumbled. My soul is not at rest. My heart is weeping as my emotions are so unsettled. My blood pressure is thru the roof. How does one prepare yourself for something you don’t want to happen. How will we survive, will we.

As I will be happy for these 2 years with my King, my Master, my Daddy, the love of my life, my best friend, my confidant, fuck He’s my everything. I need Him. I want Him. I love taking care of Him as He does me. Feeling His head on my chest at times, breathing life back into Him. Preparing Him to face the world again when it’s kicked His ass. He’s beautiful to me, because it’s His soul that I see. He’s given me every part of Himself, and i gave that to Him, as He gave to me. I’m trying to hold on, only my grip isn’t as tight anymore, I can tell. Life has a funny way of giving you everything you had ever wanted, needed, desired, only to feel that in one breathe it can be gone, as fast as the blink of an eye. 

Hold onto me my love, I’m alittle unsteady at the moment. I’d ask for help, but you can’t give it. I’m hoping its all a bad dream and I’ll wake soon. Nothing is wrong, nothing will change, nothing in our way. Could it be, that just once, maybe, I get everything I ever wanted and more…  Time will tell…

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4 thoughts on “Hold onto me

  1. I’m hopeful for you!!

    • stacieinaz says:

      My friends and one of my sons says I over think to much. That He’s my soulmate and I’m never gonna be able to be without Him. I hate it when they’re right

  2. naughtynora00 says:

    I hope you two can work through it! Soul mates aren’t easy to find, as you know…

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