Thou shalt not…

The more stuff I do, attempt to do, or think of doing ,it’s like I’m preparing for demise on a grander scale. 

Such as: thou shalt not travel at high speeds, sloweth down. No tickets, no losing control. You shall be punished most severely. 

Thou shalt not piss off Daddy by messing with Him, or thou will be beat til you bleedith and I leave you there tied up. 

Thou shall not lie, when I, Daddy,  ask you a question the truth shall be what I hear. You shall be punished most severely. 

Thou shalt not eat things I don’t approve of. You shall be punished most severely. 

Thou shall not present thyself in a sexy manner when out of my presence. You shall be punished most severely. 

Thou shall not go without a collar in public. You shall be punished most severely. 

Thou shalt raise thy tongue to me, ask in a respectful manner to speak first,foremost. You will not be denied. If rule is forgotten you will be punished most severely.  

If you continue being bratty, you shall reap your reward of being punished most severely. 

If you think up scathingly brilliant plans to bring world harm, you shall be punished most severely. 

Talk to me in a disrespectful tone, you  feel my wrath.

I finally noticed a theme in all of it. I’m blonde, it takes me a while to catch on. I think He wants to beat my ass.  I could be wrong but I doubt it. Then when we are together He will say, “Just screw up or piss me off babygirl, I’ve got some new ideas I’d like to try, so…”

So, this leads me to wonder how safe I am at any given time. I swear He has lazers in His eyes, I can feel my ass  heat up from just Him looking at it. He hasn’t even touched it yet.

There was a new commandment as of recent. “Thou shall not say these words: No or ouch, if thou doest, punishment shall be even more swift and severe. 

Now granted these are common words, I took for granted how often these words are said in everyday language. He has even tried to catch me off guard. If the list grows, I swear I will be forced to become mute. No longer speaking. Speaking. Yeah speaking… So, what I heard was I CAN think the words, I CAN sign the words, I CAN say them under my breath, just not at a level that He will audibly hear them. I do occasionally forget. And the punishment is swift and severe. All those around stop and stare, like how you treat a bad accident.  You don’t want to leave your personal info or tell a cop what you saw but you know what  you just witnessed was bad, then they’re gone. 

I must say afterward,He is Master most kind, on a large scale. Reminding me how loved I am, how treasured I am , how adored I am. I’m given all the kisses and caresses I can handle. He does take very good care of what’s His. His ownership over His slave is taken most seriously. He explains why He did what He did. He will ask if I understand, nothing is kept from me in that moment. I can feel His words through my body, not like a rumble, but like a cool mist. My eyes half closed. He has full control and I have been reminded not to step out of bounds, it will be repeated, even in public if need be. My bratty mind wants to sort of push in public, did He mean it? This whole other side of me says, “Are you stupid of course He meant it, don’t you dare say a word”. But I even have thoughts like , ” if He’s at work and I let one of those 2 words slip through my lips, will He beat me? If He has to leave and I say one of those words, will He stop and beat me? If there was an emergency, or had to respond to His club would He stop and beat my ass? Although I notice my thoughts never get to the other side.this soft whisper ,like a breeze, comes to me and echoes in ear…” He has a key.” Oh yeah, Of course He’ll be back, even if it’s late He would no doubt pull me out of my nice, comfy bed that I’m all snuggled in dreaming sweet dreams, and possibly beat my ass worse then before, only because He knows I planned it at the worst moment for Him. My mind is most fowl. Granted, I have not done that, but there is a scared part of me that will not let that go to far. I fear one day my whole body will contort so my head can actually SEE my ass, and it will be apologizing. Something like, ” I’m so sorry ass, that brat has a way of pissing us all off, none of us want trouble from that Daddy.  He’s actually quite sexy, nice guy, but that fucking brat speaks first with no thought of you ass and how you pay dearly for her antics, or evil ways. We just don’t know how to save you, but stay strong,tough, know that we are all rooting for you to pull through each beating the best you can. Yes, we all know you are attached. That Fucking brat.”  In my mind it goes something like that. What would He think if there was no more brat, no more playfulness, nothing but an agreeable slave always ready to serve. Would that be boring to Him? Or does He dream of a day when He spanks me so hard that the brat just leaves my body like it had an exorcism. 

Does He pray at night, “Lord, you know I’m a great Master, she’s still breathing. Her ass is still attached. Her tongue has not been cut from her head. But I did fuck that girl til it hurt her, til I was hungry, til I feel I’ve accomplished the art of fucking, I mean making love to her roughly, very roughly and she survived. That girl lived, Grrrrrrr.”  I fear this might be far more accurate. 

In my heart,  I only want to serve as His treasured slave, my words be soft and kind. My hearts desire is to serve so He feels love, care, and respect. A slave to be an example to all. Dominants everywhere are in awe of how  He’s treated,  they wonder if they can get that from their own slaves. He’s so proud of me. 

My friends look at me, sort of giggle and say, “Do you like being beat by your Daddy?” 

“Well of course not” my response.  I don’t plan these things,  but they just sort of happen. 


Good luck Daddy!

As Daddy knows, and fully aware of, I’m a brat! I also like to find ways to be playful and those can be risky. As I know that Daddy drew His line on concrete, but I draw mine in sand. Not that mine even matters.I can move my line, bend it, make a different shape!
I don’t do things to be disrespectful,  and when I’ve crossed the line, I give myself up. I am at a full confession over anything that went wrong, at that point you would swear I was catholic and Daddy my priest. Well, when I screw up badly that’s about where I’m at. Praying for His mercy, and angelic protection.

” please don’t let my Daddy kill me”, I sound something like that. 

As our lives intertwine more and more, I aware that Daddy knows me like a book!   He’s knows when I’m on my own, if I’m not busy, if im on task. I do try to be bratty cuz I’m bored. Like for instance, a few weeks ago!  I was bored, Daddy was busy. After doing laundry, I see His work shirt, and now I start getting this scathingly brilliant idea. ‘ Let’s mess with Daddy!’ . This thought in my mind seems relatively harmless.  But to those around me, they laugh and let me know I must love getting my ass beat.  I don’t love it, I just want to play!

So, I take Daddys work shirt to my room. I own a professional camera, so I slip on Daddys shirt, and set my timer. I do love to be His naughty girl. I kept the pics light, they could have been dirtier! But that’s not what it was about. I wanted Him to see His work shirt on His slave. He works so hard, out in the heat, the cold, rainy days, windy days,Daddy puts everyone else first. But I’m at the top of the list of putting Him first. I love that! If anyone ever deserved to know how wonderful they are, it’s Daddy!

I send Him a text, letting Him know that something happened to his work shirt. Within 10 mins, I get a text back from Him,

“Wtf, don’t be messing with me”

Oops, well to late for that! I already messed with you Daddy. But I figure once He sees what happened to His shirt! It just happened to appear in some hot pics for Him!  So, once He got His pics , He let me know how He felt about them!  And that He was undecided about beating my ass since I did mess with Him! Oh, believe me, I did mess with Him! When I get these great ideas I don’t think them thru.

“On a scale of 1-10, how mad could be get?” This never goes thru my mind.

Daddy did bring up a good point this morning! When we live together, what will I do then? Hmm, I definitely need a plan for that. I can’t run from Him, He’s faster! I can’t take Him on, He’s stronger! I can’t runaway from home, He’d find me! Sounds like I’m running out of options. I will just have to be good all the time. I say, ‘Let’s stick to achievable goals’ . I cannot be good all the time, most of the time ,Yes! All the time, No. Daddy will have to let me have like one weekend a month where I can try to get away with anything. I can think my way into bratty stuff. Hopefully if He let’s me have fun, lil bit bratty, I get a reprieve from ass beatings. Or life with Daddy will be painful! Hmm, I’m guessing painful. My reasoning: cA use we talked about it and He smiles, then there’s this evil laugh, from the bowels of hell. He’s enjoying whatever thought just went thru His head. 

Maybe, just maybe I can learn mind control before we live together. Like in star wars! “This is not the brat I’m looking for, move along” . Lol, something like that?! I’m guessing mind control only works on the weak minded,  then that’s definitely not Daddy. Maybe a bodyguard? A twin? I could have a lab clone me, grow second quickly, that’s the one He gets to give pain to! Knowing Daddy,  he’ll figure it out, beat us both! I am running out of bratty options. Any ideas????  I still have some time before we are together permanently.  

A bdsm contract! Write it in legaleeze. That way maybe Daddy can’t understand what He’s signing, but is all about not beating my ass! 

I sound desperate here, I am! I don’t get beat so much now, but I just have this feeling…(Daddys evil laugh here).

A brats prayer

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I hope that Daddy’s slow to creep.
By my bed to spank me good,
Like I already know He should.

If I’m bruised as I wake,
I hope I can still work, even if late.
I’ll be moving slow from all the bruises,
It always goes as He chooses.

I’m not saying the word that makes it all worse,
It somehow always makes me curse.
It’s not good, it’s not fun,
It’s usually makes me want to run.

Daddys fierce and quite evil,
The very reason He’s nicknamed ‘The Devil’
He’s sadistic, more than most
But before He will spank, there will be a toast.

If I dont live thru His awful beating,
Guess I know who I’ll be meeting.
It’s either pearly gates, or a fiery pit,
Here He comes ,’Oh fucking  shit’.

So long world, my ass is cooked
Cuz He doesn’t like my attitude.
If I die from Him beating me
Just know I’m now set free.

No more beatings,No more lectures
Unless He really is the HEAD devil.
I’m worried that it might be,
Beatings for all eternity.

I promise I won’t be bratty ever again,
Oh Fucking hell, whom I kiddin’
Rest in peace won’t be what I’m dealt
As long as Daddy has a belt.

So long, it’s been fun
This is where I need to run.
Faraway from this place,
Hoping that I leave no trace.

I’m a brat I don’t know why
I don’t even have to try.
But if this is the last you ever hear from me,
Then this was my fucking eulogy

*hope I live thru what’s coming*

– babygirl


Bdsm and you, why do we love it so much?

Ask anyone who has been in into the lifestyle for any length of time, they will tell you why they love it. It speaks to you. You finally feel like you found yourself. You are at home in your own skin. You don’t feel like a fraud for being different, from everyone else, for the first time in your life.

You find yourself facing your fears, which for the life of you, you have no idea why they were fears to begin with. You have this ‘hard list’ of things you refuse to try. Yet, if you have a great dominant they will make this list shrink. While that list is getting smaller it hits you, that you have had more experiences in a certain amount of time, you feel more alive than you ever had. You are at peace with yourself. For the first time ever, you know you are right where you belong.

The hardest thing is finding the dominant that is your equal and opposite other half. This relationship must work like a well oiled machine. That person must know your fears, your likes/dislikes, your pain level, health issues.

The other side of this is that you must be the other half of that person. You must be ready to be all they need. You will need to know how to keep them happy, how they insist on being served, how much experience do they have. What will be required of you, and can do the job that they have set before you.

Both you and your dominant must be ready to be honest with each other about what you are both wanting , expecting from each other. Do you both really want a relationship,  will you just play and care for each other.

This lifestyle offers so many ways for you to express yourself, for you to grow as a person and in your sexuality. You can have as many experiences as want, or very few. Those of us who truly live this lifestyle,  we do pride ourselves on trying to not judge one another. We realize we already have to hide from the vanilla world, we should support one another.

Speaking of the vanilla world. As we must be apart of it,  we work in it, play in it, raise kids, have vanilla friends and family members. Yet most of us must hide our true selves. We must not breathe a word of what we do in private, how much we have learned, how far we were pushed by our dominant, or pushed ourselves.

You can be anything you want to be. Feel how you want to feel, dress slutty, be a brat!, be reserved. Only you know what will make you happy.

The hard part is that we try so hard to live the lifestyle in a safe way, for us physically and mentally,  and emotionally.  Then we must deal with stupid books/movies that depict our lifestyle as something tawdry, or abusive. Granted we do have some fakes on the dominant and submissive sides, but don’t judge us all from those few bad examples. 

No matter how you live, I hope you have a wonderful life. I wish you all the happiness in this lifestyle.  It is the best!



Lifestyle is difficult, but worth it.

The title says it all. Bdsm is the lifestyle I love, but if you’ve never lived it each and everyday, all day long, then you don’t know what I’m talking about. And if you have, you are smiling to yourself , and thinking ” Damn right girl!”

I don’t care who you are, if you’ve got a kinky bone in your body ,then you know how great the lifestyle is. You either have a dominant you serve, love, cherish, or you are the dominant type that is in charge of another, or more. When you know how the lifestyle works, and you have securely chosen your role, now comes the hard work. Yes, I said work!

What kind of work? Well, let’s start with our dominants. You are either a Dom/Master/Top, maybe a switch. Once you have found your submissive,  you are on your way to being served. Served how you want, when you want, every desire is met by another human being. You have created rules for that person to live by. They must report to you where they go, when they go, what they are doing, who they are doing anything with.  You must be in charge of this person come rain, or come shine. Every kind of thing life throws at them, they must report to you, see how you would like it handled. Funny thing is, that submissive  knows how to answer questions,  live life, get work done, take care of kids, but your submissive cares that you are in charge, that things are to be brought to your attention.  It’s like running a monarchy, on a much smaller scale than the queen does.  Add in here that you plan each scene, must have hours of time under your belt before you hit your submissive. All that hot, steamy sex.

Now realize that this, for many, is a real working relationship.  It could turn into ownership of your slave/sub/babygirl, deeply personal. Maybe you’ve decided to date your submissive for a while, and down the line live together, or marry that person. This is like no other relationship.  So much work goes into it. As a real couple you need communication,  time together, you crave plenty of sex. You probably have a job, friends,family,  maybe even children,  and now you’ve added in taking control of a person’s life.

I don’t know any dominant that doesn’t work hard at this lifestyle.  A true dominant pulls all this shit together, and  makes it all look so easy. But here’s a news flash for you. Every dominant needs some downtime. Being in charge, having all the answers, setting up a scene, this is all hard work. Think about it like this: your dominant gets up early for work. They might have kids to get up and going for the day, they must acknowledge their submissive.  Get to work on time, make sure their submissives life is going well for the day. They must work while at work! The day will hopefully be a good one. At this point that submissive likes to send pics to them, maybe send quick videos of playing with your favorite toy, ask questions, report to you. Your regular life, and dominant side are clashing. As the dominant you must pull it altogether. Make it run like a well oiled machine.  Plan your night, do you have the kids, time with friends, time with submissive,  maybe you got some downtime.  A night of just taking it easy. Yes, even dominants need this. Hopefully every submissive reading this, will understand, that from time to time, your dominant will need time to just relax, recooperate, rest.

Now we can hit on the other side of this. Submissives have it just as hard. I know, because I am one. To give your life over to another human being, to fully trust them to have your best interest at heart. To hope that you do everything right so you can make your dominant happy.  You want to serve them well, which means you had better know your dominant. You must follow each rule, or risk not being the perfect submissive, which shames us. And the other side of that shame is that once our dominant is upset with you a punishment is on the loom. If you truly love, care for your dominant, shame is the worst feeling you will go through,  when you are in front of your dominant it is hard to look at them. You wonder if your heartfelt apology is heard, or fell on deaf ears. Any punishment you are lined up for is not the worst thing you will feel. Bruises will heal, but you long to be the perfect submissive.

As a submissive,  we might not have the right to do as we please, this would be a slave. If you have the right to do as you please within boundaries then you’re a sub. If you know you don’t have the right ,but do it anyway, you are a brat. If you want the right to do what you want, but you just want to play, you’re a babygirl. There is also bottoms, rules are most certainly different for you, you probably have none, or very few.

Most submissives have jobs, maybe children, friends, family, and possibly a dominant.  Your life is as much a juggling act as your counterpart. But we must also worry about our dominants needs at all time. Are they hungry,  have they made a request from us. It is your job to keep them happy. All the while following your rules, and working your real job. You must clean, cook, do all labor. Then once we see our dominant,  are we in the position that will show them respect, have we put them first that day, how may we serve them. To be able to discuss things that need the dominants input must wait til you’ve been given permission to present your dominant with the info. You don’t make your own decisions,  this is not a regret, it’s just our lifestyle. 

As a true submissive, you have put many hours into your training. You must be gracious, know how to follow commands. If you love your dominant then you are in a relationship and must communicate, spend time with them, while remembering who you serve at all times. There are no days off. There is no time off. You know that as your relationship progresses you might be collared. That is the ultimate honor , it’s your dominant owning you, its,as close as marriage without taking the plunge. Although your dominant may have plans to live together, or even marriage. If this has been what you want from your dominant then you are happy. Just be ready for as you move this relationship together, you will still be serving your dominant on a more permanent basis, but they will be in control on that permanent basis.

Did it just get harder? Lol. No, not really.  You were both doing your part of the lifestyle,  now you will just be doing it under the same roof. You will still be in your role that you’ve been doing all along. You might have a contract, not always. Just keep in mind that even permanent,  you will both still need downtime. Time away from each other, out with your friends, do things you still like. Be true to yourself. Keep communication going well. Still being respectful.  Remember, this lifestyle is beautiful,  do your part to the best of your ability.  Keep your relationship alive, there is no other like it. You are not vanilla, have fun!

Both roles have stress, and are enjoyable. The reason we date in the lifestyle,  is the same as vanillas, we are looking for that perfect person for us. Someone devoted to us. I realize that the lifestyle can be more complicated than this. Yes in many ways, to many for me to write and express.

I hope I didn’t leave anything out! I hope I was fair to both sides. I do respect the lifestyle,  and I truly care about my Master. I try hard to make sure I never take Him for granted. I know how hard He has it. I do encourage Him to go have fun, at that time I try to keep questions to a minimum,  and just report what I’m doing, out of deep respect for Him and the life I signed up for. Also, when He gets downtime, so do i. I still feel my Master has it much harder than I do. He’s a great Master. I’m happy to serve Him. I do try my hardest to make sure He’s pleased with me at all times. I try to not bring Him any shame, killer for me. I don’t like having Him angry with me, and have to plan my punishment.  I do however love being slave/ bratty babygirl and getting funishments!  I do have the best Daddy, He makes this look so easy.  I know the truth. He’s a hard worker at His job, takes being a Master seriously,  He’s a great dad, good friend, cares about our families.   And most of all, He loves me. He spoils me. He controls me. He makes our time together so special. The sex is always phenomenal.  We have been together almost 11 months, it has had its ups and downs, like any relationship,  we are still learning about each other. The one thing I like is that we both go slow, getting to know each other. We have plans for our future, but they will go as Master plans for us. I am so happy to have this man in my life, the Master I love to serve ,and tease. He pushes my limits, His expectations of me, I hope I meet them all. I love His devotion to detail, in all areas of our lives. I always hope that I make Him proud that I’m His slave. This is the lifestyle we choose, it’s beauty is right there for all to see.

* I wrote a book. But it was necessary.
Happy reading!



Handle with care.

Yes, this is how to handle things, all things, with care. Actually with great care.

In a relationship,  vanilla or kink, handling everything with care is necessary. As there are 2 people involved, and any problems, concerns should be addressed properly, with care.
Always mindful of respect. But dealing with issues at hand will be the result you look for. Let anger go, it’s useless.

I have a few things I need to handle with care.  I am feeling clear headed, but understood that the stress that was building wasn’t my own. So ,now to deal with it head on. I am mindful of my words, not wanting to harm, but answers will be expected.  There is no right or wrong answer either, only an answer. I deserve to have balance back in my life, but to achieve that, I need to make some tough decisions. 

I am not a decision type person, until I feel backed into a corner. Which is where I’m at. If necessary I can claw my way out of the corner. I was pissed off yesterday. I think I had great reason. But now I’m done with being pissed, I want clarity.i want peace. I want balance.  I’m not done, yet.

I’m worth clarity. So, in all the areas of my life, where there hasn’t been any, I am seeking that. As refuge to stand and survive. I won’t settle for less.

Two of my children felt my wrath. One seems to think I owe more. I do not. There is no more requirement on my part, but the money you owe, it’s up there, repayment before I feel not so nice. To the other, stop being sneaky, I see it all. But to take advantage because I get overwhelmed,  tsk.tsk. I’m still the mother.

A demon I’ve been some moments,  shall I let it stay. I think I see an auto place that should be ripped to shreds, maybe an ex, Hmm. A few people that have caused me pain, yet I act like it’s nothing. No more. No, that is not me. I don’t want to be the demon. But I processed quickly, and those in my path when I woke up… Well , the word ‘shock” came to mind.

I noticed everything,  I have a mental list of it all. The fog is gone, there are clear blue skies,  and I’m done with certain things. To handle this with care, is what I want.  Just don’t mistake my niceness for weakness. I don’t need you, you need me. So don’t confuse the two.

What was in those bruises…lol.  It shook something up in me. Good/bad. Now to get me back to where I belong, and do it with care, yes I need that too. But momma didn’t raise a fool,  you get more kindness from others, when you show it. I don’t mind treating others nicer than they treated me. Just don’t mistake my niceness for weakness. Never make that mistake.

My great grandmother,  a rare gem I had for only a short time. Would say,
‘Pretty is, as pretty does’.   If you don’t understand those words, then you might need a course in what true beauty is, but that’s another day.



Just what I needed…

Master has been angry with me for a week. So time without Him was killer, but I knew the moment I was allowed back in His presence it would be hard for me. I have never screwed up this badly before. I was not concerned about my actions, until He was quiet on the phone. It took several days to get back on track.  I knew it would happen in His timing, not mine. As angry as He was ,I didn’t dare ask when I would see Him until He told that information. 

I was allowed to be in His presence yesterday. It was scary for me, since He had never been this angry before. I knew He had self control, but could He still love me as much as before.

From the moment He entered, He took control. He had His huge hands on my head, soon He had me by the hair, His cock heading down my throat. I was gagging. He showed me in seconds that He was in control of the very air I was breathing. He showed mercy, after what He felt was the right time frame. I didn’t resist because that would just piss Him off further. But He wouldnt kill me, just show me im not the one in charge, not even a little. Still having me by the hair, He guided me up off the floor. He usually will have me put a collar on in His presence,  to be denied that privileged was the worst. I thought of my actions days ago. I didn’t deserve my collar. It’s a sign of respect,  care, love. I acted like He was nothing. I didn’t like this feeling at all. I love being collared for Him, in His presence, being reminded who I belong to. I quickly had tears for I love my Daddy, my Master beyond words, was showing my anger worth this…no. just writing this now, I have tears.

He used my body at first, anyway He wanted. I am His property. Then He started talking to me. Whether we face each other, or from behind, if He talks ,I  listen. He reveals more at that moment about how He feels about me, sees me. And He will ask questions,  I have to answer quickly without hesitation.  I did as I know how He wants things done. I was to afraid to ask to cum, I couldn’t handle it if it was denied, I was already crying.

He stops and turns me around to face Him. Now He can see my tears. I hide my face from Him, actually He allowed it. He knew how much I hate to cry, He let me feel however I made myself feel. I put myself through more shame then He gave. I felt like a complete  failure as a slave, His slave. He gave back to me, that which I lost a few days ago.

He did the best for me in the hardest moment. He made love to me. He gave to me. He loved me.  He spoke of how much He loved me, in that moment it was all i could feel, which made me cry more. I felt i didnt deserve that, but my Master did. Any Master might start off with punishing a slave, you would have every right. But my Master is the best I have ever had. I never want another, for what He did was priceless. He chose to reconnect with me first,  talk to me, show me my errors and tell me what He expects the next time, and as long as we are together. He did let me know to expect a punishment  worthy of my crime, but He reminded me I was fully loved. I was His, always will be. It won’t change. The sex was phenomenal,  but the connection I craved. I longed to just hold Him close, and He let me. The tears just flowed. He didn’t stop them, or deny me those. I needed to know I still had His care, His love, and His respect . I won’t try to take that lightly ever again.

I am to see Him the next few days. On His timeframe, His will to be done. His slave to do exactly as He says, without complaint, or being negative in any way.  He always tells me what’s expected, I will know from Him the moment He speaks that this moment is like any other, that I know my place. That I understand why I am getting every mark that will be on my body. Every last bit, I brought on myself. That He thought about how to make the punishment fit the crime, He is a fair Master. I do dread what is coming, but I know once it’s done. I paid the price for even forgetting my place. I cherish that too, even as painful as it will be. I know it’s necessary for the process.  I will do as I’m told. To show Him my love and respect for Him, as He has shown me.

I adore my Daddy, my Master. He may never know I have even more respect for Him for holding me accountable.  I’m guilty. I’m His, but I’m very much loved. I want forever with Him. He let me know that He still wants that too.

Thank you Master, I love you so deeply,  even I don’t understand  it myself.