Slave in waiting

We had the hardest two months, I’ve had to cater to everyone else but Him. I’ve not been given that time to make sure my Masters needs have all been properly taken care of, my heart’s desire. 

Time apart is really weighing on me, I feel a disconnect in the distance. I’ve been as patient as can be. I try to hold it all in, but it’s eating me alive. 

What I desire, me in slave position before Him, Him doing that deep breath of approval ,His hand on my head which tells me He’s happy with His slave. 

I do get to serve Him. Breakfast nearly every morning, it pleases me to do so. But I miss so much being before Him. It’s something He and I share on the deepest level. It only has meaning to us. I tear up as it has been non existent since everyone else became important. He let the balance be this so I could help one of the children til His life was back on track. It’s coming along, but not fast enough for me.

I long to be at His feet, my place of honor as I’m His. Eyes closed, I breathe in the sweet air around us, bask in the love He emits from Him to me, and back again. He will say in a whisper, ” what a beautiful sight it is to behold”. 

I need it, with everything in me, I need that. The more disconnect I feel, the more I am sad. How does a slave balance putting all first? She doesn’t, not without her Master showing her the balance. I need Him, now. I long for Him, He’s not there. My soul calls to Him, I need Him to hear it and come to me  

I’m no good on my own, for what is a slave without a Master? Nothing. What is a Master without a slave? Empty. They must move together, breathe together, balance each other. Her put Him back in His spot as her object of all delight, so she may serve from her heart. He must accept all the love and care she’s giving, and put her back as His object of desire. 

Out of balance will not be good for long, only the Master may lead them both back together. He knows the way, He created it. This is His world they exist in, she is His loyal subject, His queen, His goddess, His desire. He is her everything as well. What a most beautiful thing as they feel this for each other…

Where is my Master, as my soul calls to Him. Fill me with the love I desire. Heal my soul. Let me serve. I need no words, I just need your heart near mine, my love. To be in your presence. I crave this.


Thinking out loud

I just have so many thoughts at one time it feels, I can hardly process them all fast enough. I can’t concentrate. Why? I’m in love!

I have the best Daddy in the whole world! He surprises me all the time. I’m so blessed to have Him in my life. There are so many reasons! I can’t list them all, but my heart knows them all! I feel His love all day long, all around me, He’s always in my thoughts. He’s on my mind when I wake up, and as I go to sleep.

I have never felt this way before. Just so loved, and in love. I love how He just knows me so well, He can calm the storm inside, bring me back to the moment. Nothing else matters.

The thought of serving Him for the rest of my life is one I embrace. To show Him how much He means to me, as He does that for me as well!

As He is moving us into unchartered territory, I can tell He has a hold of me, He knows I scare easily, but He is very reassuring that I can keep up at His pace. He wont let me fall. He won’t let go, He’s got me in His firm grasp. I can relax and just breathe. He’s got it handled, I only need to bow low before my King, and keep my eyes on Him. For I can give him my full trust.

This is the happiest I’ve ever been, I never want that to end. I want to be with the one responsible for my happiness,  because He stole my heart as well. I serve you Master, I love you Daddy, I worship you my King. Thank you for choosing me, even I fail to see what you see in me, maybe someday I’ll see it too. Until that time…

You are my first and hopefully last love, and the only love of my life.


If you know me, then you know this is true, I’m very indecisive.




Wow, was my ass sore!

This was a rare treat! I got to be in Masters presence before my day really started. Serving Him is my ultimate pleasure. Him leaving marks on the ass attached to my body, that He owns, was hopefully great for Him too. I felt my ass all morning, all afternoon long.

He let me know this morning how He sees things. He’s always so honest it’s scary. I’ve never had that before. He noticed since we’ve been together, I am feeling better about myself, my worth. He knew I owed that to Him, Him only. To many see a pretty slave, destroy all in their path,  including me, and move on. But my Master is different,  He deserves my time, love, care, and respect. I have waited to be harmed, or scarred. Bruises only, but those were to be expected. The big plus is He’s still here, in front of me. Guiding,  teaching me. I have done nothing worthy to deserve to be treated so well, I’m so thankful that He has found something in me that males Him want to stay.

As He spoke, He talked physical qualities. Except it’s not His physical qualities that keep me here. Ok, I love His blue eyes, and that smile of His! It’s a panty dropper! But that’s it for me. There might be a few more things! The things that keep me here are:

*how He handles me
*how He turns the tables on me , I can’t have my way
*how He treats me
* the way He shows me how I’m on His mind
*He will have fun with me, nothing to do with sex
*how He shows me who He really is
* that all the brattiness didn’t make Him leave
* He has my respect, or I’d never be on my knees before Him.
*the way He trains/guides me
*how He disciplines me. He’s always fair
* the way He shows His love for me

My wish for us: that we are still together when we are old. White hair, wrinkles, life has kicked your ass and now you’re old enough to tell the grandkids about it!
I just know it’s what I want. I feel it deep inside. I have never felt it before. It’s how I know this is all different for me, and scary. Unchartered territory. I don’t know what’s right or wrong here, I’ve never been here. So I go slow, unless He makes me/us go faster. I don’t try to have any expectations. As I wonder if He feels it too, and does He understand what this pull between us is? Idk.

I do know I’m happiest when I’m with Him, near Him, a call away from Him. I’m calmer when I’m before Him. I long to serve Him. I wish for Him to be happy. I love to hear His laugh. I love when He is in charge.  I know I’m a brat, but I’m now a controllable brat, His brat! I hope I get to serve Him for life.

I love my Daddy, I adore my Master

Thank you Sir for your time this morning♡



Daddy knows best

So, if you read my blog, you know my morning went to hell, around 4am. It just started like shit , stayed like that. I went to my friends house for some R&R, she let me dump it all on her, cry some. You know how us girls are! But she had never seen me that emotional.  So we deducted that it must have been the new med, and then obviously my period,  they clashed and it felt like all hell broke lose. Maybe it wasn’t that bad, but this new med has barely had enough time in my system , so I really think it’s the culprit here. Me, an emotional mess? Not usually, but I was yesterday.

I really figured after my behavior that my Daddy was going to want me to explain. I also figured after my display of explosive emotions, that I wouldn’t get time with Him. I really needed it, but I had I earned that? That would be for Daddy to decide.

Daddy, decided I get time with Him. I swear He knows me better than any man who has ever been in my life, my boys included. How He knows what I need,  before I say anything? He knows when I’m so bratty I don’t deserve time with Him.

I asked myself, ‘what did I do differently this time , to find such a wonderful man?’ I have no answer, I don’t think I did anything to deserve Him honestly. He found me, but He shows me all the time that He’s not like every man on earth. Which I’m completely thankful for.

So, Daddy comes over. Just seeing Him melted my irritation from the day. Plus I knew He expected more from me, I’m not about to talk to Daddy the way I do my girlfriends. I look at Him, before I can say anything, He shuts it down and says, “breathe”.
He is directing me to get my stuff, and let’s go spend some time together. Neither of us are hungry, so what shall we do?

We wind up shooting pool. Daddy and I have never played against each other, so we really have no idea how the other plays. This should be fun, we are both competitive. He’s Daddy, always in charge. I’m a brat, I love trying to be in charge!

Daddy is at the bar getting drinks, I notice some females checking out my Daddy! Well, He’s hot and sexy, I would look at Him to if I wasn’t with Him. But I realize to, that He makes me feel secure, I have no need to rub all over Him to show He’s mine, I don’t feel like I need to pee on Him and mark my territory,  lol. I feel like , ‘Go ahead and look, He’s been with me for a year. If He was wanting someone else I’m sure He’d say so. If He wasn’t interested in me, I’m sure we wouldn’t be here together.’

I know as a female , usually we are territorial, but Daddy has gone to great lengths to make sure I feel secure! If anything, I look around at females and think, ‘now she might be fun for a threesome! ‘  that does go through my mind. Lol

So, as Daddy and I are playing. I back off . I want to see how good He is! He’s pretty good! I know I will have to really want to win to be able to take Him.  I won the first game on my own. No matter what He says, He did not take it easy on me! I’m glad He didnt. Second game I won, but not on my own, Daddy scratched on eight ball. Third and fourth game He won!  So, we play one for the tie breaker. Daddy wins!

I really didn’t care who won. I just enjoyed the time with Him. Laughing, kissing, listening to Him. He guides me, all the time. I did notice when we were in public, He was more protective. The Master in Him came out, but still lots of fun! I knew even in public I’m to be His slave, keep my eyes on Him only, obey Him at all times. He did allow me to be playful with Him. When He spoke to His friends I stayed back behind Him, not my place to move unto His conversation . As we were leaving I walked behind Him, til we went thru the door, then I was at His side. I guess I read Him too. I knew how He wanted me to behave all night, and I did as I knew to do. Don’t make Him angry, or regret that I’m His. Being a good slave in public is a big deal.

Daddy gave me the time with Him that I really needed. He proved again, that our bond is so much stronger than sex. We didn’t need it, we might want it, but it wasn’t part of our night. I wished we would have had time for Daddy to at least get a blowjob, but His daughter was headed to bed soon, and Daddy likes to be home to tuck Ms. Snugglebutt  in! She’s a Daddys girl too! I know I share Him! Hell, He’s even got my own kids liking time with Him!

It’s nice to see, no matter how busy Daddy is, He knows everyone so well, what to say/do for them. That makes Him one hell of a dominant!

That’s my Daddy♡ and I’m the luckiest girl in the world!


Lifestyle is difficult, but worth it.

The title says it all. Bdsm is the lifestyle I love, but if you’ve never lived it each and everyday, all day long, then you don’t know what I’m talking about. And if you have, you are smiling to yourself , and thinking ” Damn right girl!”

I don’t care who you are, if you’ve got a kinky bone in your body ,then you know how great the lifestyle is. You either have a dominant you serve, love, cherish, or you are the dominant type that is in charge of another, or more. When you know how the lifestyle works, and you have securely chosen your role, now comes the hard work. Yes, I said work!

What kind of work? Well, let’s start with our dominants. You are either a Dom/Master/Top, maybe a switch. Once you have found your submissive,  you are on your way to being served. Served how you want, when you want, every desire is met by another human being. You have created rules for that person to live by. They must report to you where they go, when they go, what they are doing, who they are doing anything with.  You must be in charge of this person come rain, or come shine. Every kind of thing life throws at them, they must report to you, see how you would like it handled. Funny thing is, that submissive  knows how to answer questions,  live life, get work done, take care of kids, but your submissive cares that you are in charge, that things are to be brought to your attention.  It’s like running a monarchy, on a much smaller scale than the queen does.  Add in here that you plan each scene, must have hours of time under your belt before you hit your submissive. All that hot, steamy sex.

Now realize that this, for many, is a real working relationship.  It could turn into ownership of your slave/sub/babygirl, deeply personal. Maybe you’ve decided to date your submissive for a while, and down the line live together, or marry that person. This is like no other relationship.  So much work goes into it. As a real couple you need communication,  time together, you crave plenty of sex. You probably have a job, friends,family,  maybe even children,  and now you’ve added in taking control of a person’s life.

I don’t know any dominant that doesn’t work hard at this lifestyle.  A true dominant pulls all this shit together, and  makes it all look so easy. But here’s a news flash for you. Every dominant needs some downtime. Being in charge, having all the answers, setting up a scene, this is all hard work. Think about it like this: your dominant gets up early for work. They might have kids to get up and going for the day, they must acknowledge their submissive.  Get to work on time, make sure their submissives life is going well for the day. They must work while at work! The day will hopefully be a good one. At this point that submissive likes to send pics to them, maybe send quick videos of playing with your favorite toy, ask questions, report to you. Your regular life, and dominant side are clashing. As the dominant you must pull it altogether. Make it run like a well oiled machine.  Plan your night, do you have the kids, time with friends, time with submissive,  maybe you got some downtime.  A night of just taking it easy. Yes, even dominants need this. Hopefully every submissive reading this, will understand, that from time to time, your dominant will need time to just relax, recooperate, rest.

Now we can hit on the other side of this. Submissives have it just as hard. I know, because I am one. To give your life over to another human being, to fully trust them to have your best interest at heart. To hope that you do everything right so you can make your dominant happy.  You want to serve them well, which means you had better know your dominant. You must follow each rule, or risk not being the perfect submissive, which shames us. And the other side of that shame is that once our dominant is upset with you a punishment is on the loom. If you truly love, care for your dominant, shame is the worst feeling you will go through,  when you are in front of your dominant it is hard to look at them. You wonder if your heartfelt apology is heard, or fell on deaf ears. Any punishment you are lined up for is not the worst thing you will feel. Bruises will heal, but you long to be the perfect submissive.

As a submissive,  we might not have the right to do as we please, this would be a slave. If you have the right to do as you please within boundaries then you’re a sub. If you know you don’t have the right ,but do it anyway, you are a brat. If you want the right to do what you want, but you just want to play, you’re a babygirl. There is also bottoms, rules are most certainly different for you, you probably have none, or very few.

Most submissives have jobs, maybe children, friends, family, and possibly a dominant.  Your life is as much a juggling act as your counterpart. But we must also worry about our dominants needs at all time. Are they hungry,  have they made a request from us. It is your job to keep them happy. All the while following your rules, and working your real job. You must clean, cook, do all labor. Then once we see our dominant,  are we in the position that will show them respect, have we put them first that day, how may we serve them. To be able to discuss things that need the dominants input must wait til you’ve been given permission to present your dominant with the info. You don’t make your own decisions,  this is not a regret, it’s just our lifestyle. 

As a true submissive, you have put many hours into your training. You must be gracious, know how to follow commands. If you love your dominant then you are in a relationship and must communicate, spend time with them, while remembering who you serve at all times. There are no days off. There is no time off. You know that as your relationship progresses you might be collared. That is the ultimate honor , it’s your dominant owning you, its,as close as marriage without taking the plunge. Although your dominant may have plans to live together, or even marriage. If this has been what you want from your dominant then you are happy. Just be ready for as you move this relationship together, you will still be serving your dominant on a more permanent basis, but they will be in control on that permanent basis.

Did it just get harder? Lol. No, not really.  You were both doing your part of the lifestyle,  now you will just be doing it under the same roof. You will still be in your role that you’ve been doing all along. You might have a contract, not always. Just keep in mind that even permanent,  you will both still need downtime. Time away from each other, out with your friends, do things you still like. Be true to yourself. Keep communication going well. Still being respectful.  Remember, this lifestyle is beautiful,  do your part to the best of your ability.  Keep your relationship alive, there is no other like it. You are not vanilla, have fun!

Both roles have stress, and are enjoyable. The reason we date in the lifestyle,  is the same as vanillas, we are looking for that perfect person for us. Someone devoted to us. I realize that the lifestyle can be more complicated than this. Yes in many ways, to many for me to write and express.

I hope I didn’t leave anything out! I hope I was fair to both sides. I do respect the lifestyle,  and I truly care about my Master. I try hard to make sure I never take Him for granted. I know how hard He has it. I do encourage Him to go have fun, at that time I try to keep questions to a minimum,  and just report what I’m doing, out of deep respect for Him and the life I signed up for. Also, when He gets downtime, so do i. I still feel my Master has it much harder than I do. He’s a great Master. I’m happy to serve Him. I do try my hardest to make sure He’s pleased with me at all times. I try to not bring Him any shame, killer for me. I don’t like having Him angry with me, and have to plan my punishment.  I do however love being slave/ bratty babygirl and getting funishments!  I do have the best Daddy, He makes this look so easy.  I know the truth. He’s a hard worker at His job, takes being a Master seriously,  He’s a great dad, good friend, cares about our families.   And most of all, He loves me. He spoils me. He controls me. He makes our time together so special. The sex is always phenomenal.  We have been together almost 11 months, it has had its ups and downs, like any relationship,  we are still learning about each other. The one thing I like is that we both go slow, getting to know each other. We have plans for our future, but they will go as Master plans for us. I am so happy to have this man in my life, the Master I love to serve ,and tease. He pushes my limits, His expectations of me, I hope I meet them all. I love His devotion to detail, in all areas of our lives. I always hope that I make Him proud that I’m His slave. This is the lifestyle we choose, it’s beauty is right there for all to see.

* I wrote a book. But it was necessary.
Happy reading!



I’m powerless in His presence

Whether He’s on the phone with me, it’s Him in a text, or I’m in His presence, I’m powerless.

When He makes any request, I quickly get it done with pride to serve my Master,I’m powerless.

Once I put on another sexy outfit, hoping to get you even more horny than you are, I’m powerless.

When we first met , I felt there was just something different about you, I’m so glad you showed me i was right, I’m powerless.

I have chosen to submit, I am on my knees before you,  ready to serve, I’m powerless.

If there’s a new toy that’s made it into your thoughts, and now we own and you must try it out, I’m powerless.

As sometimes the world caves in around me I try to find more strength, but all I needed was you, I’m powerless.

I can dominate the world, do all I need to do in a day,but you are always Master to me, my Daddy, my King,  I’m powerless.

When I’m feeling bratty, just needy of extra attn, I’m powerless.

If it’s one of those lessons that my ass is paying for, I’m powerless.

On a date with you, you let me pick where I like to go, but you are most romantic and order for me, hold doors for me, I’m on your arm, I’m powerless.

When you are having a bad day and need some space, I’m powerless.

This relationship,  you have allowed it to go slow, as I could not rush, you gave me your word that slow will be fine, I’m powerless.

You gave me many rules, and as Yours I take each one seriously and to heart, I’m powerless.

As we both know you own me, body,soul,mind, and spirit, it’s not a collar that holds me to you, but my love and devotion, I’m powerless.

I will serve you as long as you allow, I will kneel as long as I’m yours, I’m powerless.

♡ it is a privilege to be so powerless when you are my strength. You show me how strong I really am . It was a false power I carried with me anyway, til I submitted to you, that was when you stripped it all from me, but you gave back much more than you took. I worried you’d leave me broken, but you put me together how you choose. I love to see the changes you’ve made in me, I’m like a work of art, and you are Michelangelo.  Who will I become. Where will I be. Still serving you, still devoted to you, just as the very slave you made me into, for all your own pleasure and sensuality. There is nothing more wonderful to me now, than to be in your hands, molded by you, stripped of my power, and fully loved. Thank you for that gift, that is a true Master, my Master♡

I don’t remember ever being loved or cared for like this. I’m so happy you’ve found me, claimed me, kept me…






Handle with care.

Yes, this is how to handle things, all things, with care. Actually with great care.

In a relationship,  vanilla or kink, handling everything with care is necessary. As there are 2 people involved, and any problems, concerns should be addressed properly, with care.
Always mindful of respect. But dealing with issues at hand will be the result you look for. Let anger go, it’s useless.

I have a few things I need to handle with care.  I am feeling clear headed, but understood that the stress that was building wasn’t my own. So ,now to deal with it head on. I am mindful of my words, not wanting to harm, but answers will be expected.  There is no right or wrong answer either, only an answer. I deserve to have balance back in my life, but to achieve that, I need to make some tough decisions. 

I am not a decision type person, until I feel backed into a corner. Which is where I’m at. If necessary I can claw my way out of the corner. I was pissed off yesterday. I think I had great reason. But now I’m done with being pissed, I want clarity.i want peace. I want balance.  I’m not done, yet.

I’m worth clarity. So, in all the areas of my life, where there hasn’t been any, I am seeking that. As refuge to stand and survive. I won’t settle for less.

Two of my children felt my wrath. One seems to think I owe more. I do not. There is no more requirement on my part, but the money you owe, it’s up there, repayment before I feel not so nice. To the other, stop being sneaky, I see it all. But to take advantage because I get overwhelmed,  tsk.tsk. I’m still the mother.

A demon I’ve been some moments,  shall I let it stay. I think I see an auto place that should be ripped to shreds, maybe an ex, Hmm. A few people that have caused me pain, yet I act like it’s nothing. No more. No, that is not me. I don’t want to be the demon. But I processed quickly, and those in my path when I woke up… Well , the word ‘shock” came to mind.

I noticed everything,  I have a mental list of it all. The fog is gone, there are clear blue skies,  and I’m done with certain things. To handle this with care, is what I want.  Just don’t mistake my niceness for weakness. I don’t need you, you need me. So don’t confuse the two.

What was in those bruises…lol.  It shook something up in me. Good/bad. Now to get me back to where I belong, and do it with care, yes I need that too. But momma didn’t raise a fool,  you get more kindness from others, when you show it. I don’t mind treating others nicer than they treated me. Just don’t mistake my niceness for weakness. Never make that mistake.

My great grandmother,  a rare gem I had for only a short time. Would say,
‘Pretty is, as pretty does’.   If you don’t understand those words, then you might need a course in what true beauty is, but that’s another day.