The fucking Brady bunch

Here’s the story,  of a tattooed lady, with 3 very lovely kiddos of her own. Each of them was searching for something better, that’s when He came along.

Here’s the story , of a tattooed man who seemed crazy. He was busy with 3 kids of His own. The four of them,  living altogether. Yet they were all alone. 

Then this one day the lady met this Master,

 they just knew it clicked, it was much more than a hunch. That this group will somehow form a dysfunctional family, that’s the way they all became the fucking Brady bunch! 

Here’s to us

As we began this journey ahead of us, I can’t help but notice everything is about to change again. I’m very excited, I’m ready.  I know you will push me to change, to grow, to learn all ways to please you. And you know I’m fine as long as you feed me bbq.

Everyday will be us ,Together in this thing called life. Learning more about each other , more than we have the last few years. 

I fear I will never be all that you want or need. I’m just not enough, but you’re still standing here. You try to tell me I am, but I don’t listen very well at times. Then the other night when you told me why you love me, why you picked me, how much I matter to you. It was beautiful, I was just blown away. No one has ever loved me so much. Thank you❤️

Recently, we toasted, to us. I felt something I hadn’t before.  Like my life is right where it should. I felt happy, peaceful. Sex was beyond perfect, omg!! Laughing together like I do with friends, I realize you really are my best friend, my lover, my Daddy, my Master, my King, Everything I need all rolled into one!

I wonder what the future holds. How many years we get? I’m thankful for each day with you. I’m happy to be taking this step with you. I honestly never saw you coming. I start to think to myself of all we’ve gone thru these 2 years. Honestly, if we hadn’t taken our time to grow together most of this crap could have torn us apart. I’m truly glad that we went slow, and now look at us! Going thru some very stressful stuff and as we needed a moment to take it all in, and process. Once the dust settled, look at us! Standing here, side by side, stronger than ever!  

All that we will go thru as we spend our lives together. I’m excited to see our family grow together.  As we raise the kids, have time together,making memories . Life can only be summed up in one word:

Happiness

The little things

The little things became the big things. Like growing older. I couldn’t wrap my mind around how he could want me, think I’m beautiful as I age. It was a huge thought in my head. I kept thinking, ” I do love this man, but he deserves someone beautiful by His side. I’ll leave when wrinkles set in, I can’t defy age any longer”. I figured I’d give Him an out before He thought of replacing me. I’ll just do it for Him. 

He had never said anything, this was my doing, a gift I felt He’d appreciate since He’s younger than me. He’s never complained. Never mentioned my age. It’s like it’s not a factor in His world. All He’s asked for is me to be physically fit, it’s better for my health. Can’t argue with that. He wants threesomes. And possibly take on another sub/slave ( I’ve never been ok with this one, it’s not something I can see me happy about). I guess it’s more about, I get jealous. Will she be younger, prettier, skinny, beautiful, gets more of His time than I do, does everything better than I do, makes Him happier, would she be the one who could replace me. Yeah, I’m pretty fucked up. I have never been with anyone in the past who hasn’t cheated on me. And all have let me know if I lost weight I’d be beautiful. The man in my life now, my Daddy, tells me I’m beautiful each day. I’m not able to believe it’s true, but it’s wonderful to read each morning!

I guess when we started, I’ve always done this one thing… Waited for Him to find the woman He should be with. Sort of like I’m a place holder til she arrives. In this life, I’ve never expected to find someone to spend the rest of my life with. But it’s a great thought in my head.i truly do want that, but I would sabotage that before it could begin. How do I know? Because I’ve pushed Him away plenty of times. He’s still standing right here. Which makes me happy, and makes me sad. Why do I feel so unworthy of love? Why am I not like everyone else, and need love too? 

Oh I need love to. Believe me, I need it more than most. It’s always come with strings. I’ll love you but… Conditions, and more conditions. He’s not done that, He’s shown me unconditional love. For the first time ever I get to see what that looks like! 

I test it. Daddy, will you still love me if I am not skinny, if I’m not pretty, if I’m just not in a loveable mood that day. The list is endless. But after the dust settles, He’s still right here, standing in front of me, arms wide open so I can melt into Him. You could never find another man like that( needle in the haystack theory). Which is no longer theory but more a conundrum, as in how or why are you still here Daddy? Why do you think of me for your future? I’ve never been good enough for any man, or their future. I’m just a place holder. I accepted this a long time ago. 

How do you look someone in the eyes and tell them you just don’t understand, you don’t get it. Why are you still here? Have you run out of options? There are women turning 18 everyday, so you can beat the odds of ” being stuck” with me. I can’t give you children, but I cook and clean. I can’t be beautiful like some super model, but I have tons of love to give away to the right man if someone would just stick around and let me love you. I have a great capacity to love, to give, to care. 

God I want to love you even more than I do now. I’ve never gotten to love more, it’s always been love quickly, they’ll be gone soon. I’ve waited for you to find her, and to start pulling away from me. This is all I know. Now I’m confused since you’re still here. Am I supposed to figure out this forever thing and how it works. I’ve spent so much time putting it off, who knew He meant it. Am I really supposed to plan on forever with you? Cuz I’m behind on that too. I never expected anything from you. Not a future, not living together, not maybe one day possibly marry you. I’d be here without those things. I’m not so arrogant as to think I even deserve those things. Because of that thought, I never long for those things. I tucked then into a box in my mind, marked ” things that you want, but won’t be getting”. 

I never put all my hope into you. Not because you failed, but because I did. You’ve said the words, shown me by example. Yet in my mind, you’re still looking for the love of your life. Who could blame you. I’m nothing, so I’ve been told in the past. 

Could it be??? That when you don’t belong to someone, you’re dating but you don’t have this feeling that you’re staying. Then you stay til you can’t do one more minute of that person, because you never belonged together? Ok, logical thought. Now here comes the man you are meant to be with. It’s always good.Love flows both ways. You miss each other when not together. You want more of that person in your life, you wonder if they do. You want forever, but you know that’s reaching farther than your faith. 

I have a friend who’s a psychic. She doesn’t see us together. So, do I go with that? Can we change our future whenever​ we want? If the universe has kept us together this long, is it meant to be, like fate? I hope so. 

I’m finally tired of waiting for you to leave. I’m tired of feeling like you’ll find better. I want to be in love and enjoy the ride! If that is not what you want, I deserve to know that if I’m not the future you see inside your head. I’m really a place holder. I’m fine with that, in real life that’s all I ever saw myself as. You make me feel I’m worth more. You really do. One thing I do know: your species has hurt me badly. To the point I haven’t appreciated all our time together. I had to go slow because men aren’t like you, not one. I just try to breathe. It’s the reason when you leave, I have tears in my eyes. No one has ever wanted to stick around and love me, but you have. It’s the reason I try to write down special moments, because I’ve never had them. It’s the reason I try to spoil you, no one has ever been worth that before. I do want to be in your life for a long time. Even if it looks like your house, my house, we get together when we can. People are used to things just being one way. Do I want to wake up to you each morning, sure. But it’s not a requirement. You can do your life, and I’ll do mine. We see each other as we can, it has worked so far. 

What started all this thinking? I saw this older woman, hair down to her ass, beautiful silver grey strands. Very beautiful face, even as she had wrinkles. She was soft spoken, dressed like a bikers ole lady. Thin. She was gorgeous! And I love to look at women. I do compare myself. I was just standing there, looking at her. She looked up at me , saw me staring. She smiled. I started talking to her. I didn’t want to offend her age. So I just look at her and say, ” my god you’re beautiful”. We have a short conversation, short but meaningful. She’s in her late 60’s. She is a bikers ole lady. She had grown kids, now grand kids. Life didn’t get in the way, she enjoyed it every step of the way! I loved talking to her, she gave me perspective. Could I be a great girlfriend, could I be a great bikers ole lady, maybe one day a wife. I smiled at her, before meeting her I wasn’t sure. She showed me that I can’t stop growing old, but I’ve still got something about me that turns heads. I’ve got a great man (I knew that!), So enjoy the ride. If I’m not happy, then I’m free to choose a different path at anytime I want. Do what makes me happy. So I heeded the advice of this beautiful bikers ole lady.     ( lucky man indeed). As we ended our conversation, she said she thought I was beautiful. I said ” I’m getting older, can’t be young and beautiful forever”. She said I’m beautiful cuz I look happy! I asked how did she know I was happy? She doesn’t know me. It was the way I smile, the way I carry myself. I didn’t make eye contact with other men, yet the man I love His cut was in my hands. I said He asked me to do Him a favor. 

I will never forget what she said! She smiled, ” yeah, He asked for a favor in the one thing that gives His life purpose, from the female who makes His life complete. His cut is part of who He is. He knows you understand that. Plus you have treated that cut with great respect. Face it He doesn’t have to say anything, you belong to that man, you ARE His ole lady”.  She made me smile. I’m not sure it’s true, but I do love Him, respect His world, not worry about being more involved as I’m at home, safe, doing all things behind the scenes that are equally important. 

I’m happy, I’m loved, I’m His, I’m His girlfriend, I’m His partner in this life, I’m His friend, I’m His confidant. I’m whatever He needs me to be! I’m not going anywhere! This is where I belong. 
All those little things, well they just became the big things

– Babygirl

Hes my everything!

As He left Friday to go out of town on business, I didn’t expect Him back til late Sunday night, early Monday. I knew He’d be back for work, He doesn’t miss that. Well, He did for me one day! But I know His work ethics. We work hard, then we play harder! 

I was at home Friday night,missing Him. Hoping He would get to His destination as safe as possible, He’s my everything! We texted alittle Saturday morning. I knew He’d be busy, I keep texts to a minimum when He’s busy. I know my rules, how our life goes. If I’m really stuck or just have to show Him something I text,. I know He’ll answer when He can. 

As His slave, my life is not easy. I never asked for easy. I asked for His love, which He gives so much of. I ask for His attention which He does. I ask for Him to use me He does! He’s so busy so I know none of the things I really want from Him are easy. He makes it look that way though. I’m so grateful I’m the one He picked! I love Him so much

I get home from work our daughter is passed out, long day! But one of the older kids needs to go to work soon. There’s a knock on the door. We aren’t expecting anyone, so we approach with caution. I finally open the door. “Daddy!!” ” You’re home early Sir? Everything OK?”

” Everything is fine babygirl, meeting got done quicker than I thought. No reason to stay out of town, I needed my babygirl” 

His words hit me like a ton of bricks. I realize no one has ever loved me like this, and no one will ever love me more than He does. I’m in awe of Him the rest of the evening. I was sort of quiet, but I knew I needed to serve Him. Be in position before Him, to show Him honor! He’s my everything! 

As the night went on, we spent time with most of our kids, our grandkids too. We aren’t old enough for those, the oldest child is still in trouble for that,lol. Lots of fun, lots of laughter. Exactly everything I have always wanted. There’s a few more things I’d like in my life, but it’s pretty close to perfect!

I got lots of Daddy’s attention! My ass is sore😥. I woke to Daddy next to me! Best thing in the world, not sure if I will ever get used to that. But I’m looking forward to doing that everyday. 

Can life really be this good, can you really get everything you want? It’s never happened to me before, but I guess that’s what makes it so special! 

Who’s the fairest Master of them all?

Mine of course!
Last night was our special anniversary. You may not ask me any more than that, because I have no idea of what kind of anniversary. I asked and asked, but after awhile I started thinking that maybe He just made it up to spend time with me, except that doesn’t sound like Him. Plus He kept hinting around it as of why it made such a memory with Him. I really did wrack my brain. I have the worst memory. I have plenty of things in my phone to remember, I must write everything down, for what about this particular day stood out for Him. I might never know.

He wanted to know why I was moody? Well, as His slave I feel I failed Him, there was a special day and I have absolutely no memory of it. That makes me sad, I don’t like failing my Master. The other part was failing myself, that something significant happened last year on this day, and my mind couldn’t keep it, how many other things are just gone… Makes me very upset.

He had me drive us to a restaurant that was waiting for us, He had made a reservation. ( Smiling) It was a place we talked about months ago, I had never been there. I was excited, but nervous too. I was wondering if I had been there before, but couldn’t remember that either? Thank God He said no we hadn’t been there, ahhh fresh memories! Let’s hope I keep this one in my head.

He picked out a lovely selection for us, four courses. That sounds like a lot of food, I’m not a big eater. When they brought the food, it was like it was made just for me! It was tiny bites, now your talking, food I can get behind! And it was delicious! Apples and cheese, that’s just wrong. Just sayin.

As our night went on, my moodiness left. But I’m always a babygirl. I wondered how to use my fork to stab my food, on chips. Little did I know it was OK to use your hands, I was waiting for Him to show me tiny tongs. He just laughs! Our life together will never be boring, His words. 

As I had to wait 2 mins for food to cook in something called ‘ Moho’, I’m not patient, I want my tiny food NOW! So I take it out run it thru some yummy sauces, all the while burning my mouth. He’s still laughing! Then He gives me veggies, hot veggies. I run them thru sauces and burn my mouth again. I swear at this point He’s not sure how I’ve gotten thru life without Him. I wonder that too! The last course was fruit and cakes in chocolate sauce, oh myyyy goooooddddd! That was heaven. The food was fantastic all night. And Daddy let me know that no one had been there with Him except one other special person. Wow! I heard Him, I know Daddy loves but to spring something like that on me, tears welled up, I just didn’t let Him know. I guess he’ll know now. This man loves me, it’s awful that it’s so foreign to me to be loved by anyone. But it is. I just watched Him, listened to Him. I am so in love with this amazing man.

We are talking, and He lets me know He could tell I was not OK as we left the house tonight. ” Daddy, I need planned spontanaiety”. He laughs, says there is no such thing. I chime in, ” yes there is if you’re a Libra!”. Libras don’t do most things spontaneously, unless it’s an emergency count the Libra out. If you throw a surprise party for me, tell me in advance or I can’t process. I will feel so awkward and out of my element it’s not funny. Plus there’s high blood pressure, I might have had to many spontaneous moments, see. Does He want my heart to just explode in my chest? Tell me what’s happening before it happens, so as it happens I can get thru it.

Then He’s laughing cuz I have no idea where we are, Arizona was NOT the answer He was looking for. He goes so far as to come up with what would happen to me if a hostage situation happened, and calling 911 won’t help me ,cuz I don’t even know where I’m at. One thing for sure if I call 911 I know they bounce off cell phone towers to triangulate where I am. Lawyered Daddy!

We even got the chocolate covered strawberries for our special anniversary. The staff kept wishing us a happy anniversary, I did think about pulling one aside and asking them if He said anything to them about what anniversary? 

As we were leaving He always does the gentleman thing, ‘ ladies first’s. But does He have any idea I don’t know where I’m going? Twice He had to put me on the right path to get out the door. I was thinking to myself, ‘ thank God I didn’t have to pee, I would have never found Him again’, maybe they’d call search and rescue, get out the dogs, reunite me with my Daddy! It was a big place and lots of ways to go. I was bound to do it wrong. 

All in all it was a lovely evening, it really was. I got a great pic with Him. And of the fire! No I didn’t light the restaurant on fire, Daddy was with me, the world and I were safe!

* The title: there will never be anyone like Him in my life. Only Him. How I got so lucky to have such a wonderful Master,Daddy, Lover, mere mortal man in my life, Well I don’t know. I just know I feel so lucky all the time. He thinks about me, as much as I think about Him. He misses me as much as I miss Him. I love my life! For the very first time ever, someone loves me as much as I love them! I never want it to end, I just want more with Him. I love this man❤He teaches me, helps me, protects me. He is everything to me! He the fairest Master of them all! There are none like Him, He’s one in a billion. He chose me, still brings tears after all this time together. 
Just one thing…  WTF anniversary was it?

See? Fire!!

Vanilla is just a flavor of ice cream!

For months Daddy let me off the bdsm hook so to say, gave me space as my pain got worse, I couldn’t have sex, and we both waited for my surgery.

After surgery we had to wait for me to heal, I’m a horrible patient. He was not happy with me. But He didn’t spank me out of fear I’d get hurt, but He didn’t put me on task either. He let me be me. 

I got back to work as soon I could. My body was still trying to heal and now do my normal life. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it… But something was amiss.

I had wracked my brain trying to figure it out. Daddy and I were good, but our connection was lacking. I wondered if we were near an end for us, I didn’t want that. We have put in almost 2 years together, we have amazing sex. We can talk about anything. He’s my best friend, my Master, my Daddy, my protector, my everything. But what’s going on?

I knew I was arguing about the same thing over and over. It’s a sore spot for me, I don’t see anything change so I figure I should accept the inevitable. I’m gonna lose Him. I’m a strong believer on working things out, trying it all before you call it a day, but I wasn’t sure what to think anymore. I’m still a bit lost.

Then He did something out of the blue. He told me off. I was shocked that He did that. A little surprised too. But inside jumping for joy! He figured it out. He’s the one in charge, not me. I still haven’t asked Him if He felt the same way, cuz it came on Him right out of the blue. He told me my rules again. I’m thinking to myself, ‘ oh yeah, I have left most behind’. Not good. He let me know I will obey them as I have always been expected to do. I said, ‘Yes Sir’. As I know how to answer Him properly, but I was getting the message.

I hadn’t asked to do anything in months, I just went and did it. In all fairness even in lifestyle stuff there are some situations I can’t wait for His answer I must go, but a text will be sent and an explanation of why I couldn’t ask. It will be up to Him to decide if He feels it was good enough to let it go or will it be my ass when I see Him. He’s always been a fair Master. A very good Master.

With kids around us and We don’t get lots of time together,it’s much harder to be naked and waiting in slave position for His inspection of His property.  Only He will let me know how I shall please Him in all ways. 

I started doing what’s expected of me again. I ask for everything regardless of what it is. A few of my friends were not so happy that I had to go back to waiting for His response instead just go do what I want. But I was smiling. I knew exactly what had been missing now. His direction over our lives. We both slipped into vanilla quite comfortably and once the smoke cleared from all the issues we had with my health, bdsm was left at the wayside, in many ways.

He cares! I keep getting teary again. I now know the reason I’ve felt so lost, He was not what I was keeping my eyes on. I was just doing life. I’m good at it. But  I need bdsm, I crave the rules, structure. It shows me how much He cares. How much He loves me. Even us kinky ppl can lose our way too. 

I want to ask Him what happened? Did it just hit Him that we fell out of our roles in the lifestyle? When did He figure it out? Don’t get me wrong, we are a strong couple, we survived months of vanilla. But I wake up and I have my rules, and my structure back. I have my Master back. Oh fuck, I have plenty of bad shit coming my way, I might not survive for real. He is a great Master, a very good man, but He’s got the memory of an elephant, and I’m screwed. Which was the conversation recently. How will I start serving my sentence? Only He will answer that. He’s even prepared to take away my phone. My phone? I can’t survive without my phone. There was a time I could and did get thru life without my phone. But no phone? 

As I am most happy! My friends don’t understand, well a few do. The balance is back in my life. I am following my rules. I live by the structure He has set for me. I guess I will be asking to speak freely when I need to talk and not yelling anymore. Oh god, I have yelled at Him. He’s definitely coming for me. He’s definitely gonna make up for lost time. I’m sure He’s bdsm proofing our relationship. How not to fall back into vanilla ways. 

I feel so good, yet full of fear at the same time. It’s a strange feeling. Only He knows why. Only He knows the holy terror I’ve been. I can work in a vanilla world, raise our kids in a vanilla world, but I can’t remain in that vanilla world for to long. It changes me, and not in a good way. 

I love you Master. Thank you so much for getting us back on track. 

Deep in thought

As I think back over the crap of the last week, I’m wondering what could have been different. I am deep in thought as I remember his phone call at 3am! He’s telling me how beautiful I am, how He’s thinking of me, He just needed to hear the sound of my voice. I felt on top of the world. A great Master will make your heart do flips! I didn’t know He needed anything in that moment, He never said. I would be willing to serve day or night. My love and my time belong to Him. I signed up for that. How many times have I left my home very late at night to give Him a blowjob and go home feeling I served Him to the best of my ability. That’s my job. Make your request known so I can serve. 

Since surgery, and while in pain before, He found ways for me to serve Him. I have a hard time feeling a deep connection to Him if I feel useless. Like I’m not needed, maybe rejected. If I’m not serving what good am I? I’m not doing my job, maybe He doesn’t need me anymore. This is a slaves worst nightmare. To not be of service. To not feel needed. Then where do I belong? Do you still value me, do you still love me? Does poly mean you don’t want sex with me? I’m not good at sex? I never understood what mentality goes along with poly, but this is how I truly think.

As we start down a new path, a poly path. Frankly, I’m scared to death. Poly can be the kiss of death to a relationship if not done right. It will be a one sided poly, I’ve had poly before, many times. It holds nothing for me, it’s just empty sex. I could care less, but my Master has a poly heart. I want Him to fill His needs, while I’m by His side. I do worry about being strong enough for this. I worry if a contract would be best? So we both can say what we need, what we expect, tweak it as we go along. I’m not ready to lose Him, I never will be. But I know the bad stuff about poly, as well as the good. 

As I brace myself for the worst, and hope for the best. My first big worry is , if this goes bad how do I live without Him? How do we communicate with each other and be completely transparent thru this? We must have great communication for this, and to be honest at times our communication sucks. I refuse to sugar coat that one. It’s true. We are both so busy, kids,work, friends, family, time together. Will our relationship get lost in this shuffle, and we take a big hit?

I worry will He fall in love with some girl, and will He want to talk to me someday and must tell me I don’t get His love anymore. I couldn’t bear the news let alone the pain just thinking about it. He is really going to protect what we have together, are we that important to Him? God I hope so. I’ve already resigned myself to living the rest of my life with Him. He’s broken me and built me back up. He’s change the course of mine and my childrens lives and I’m not ready for Him to just leave me, us. 

Does He even know I want to be a big part of His world and right now, how busy we are, it feels not so some days. I wonder that if He has a choice where He can spend time with me or some other will He just pick her. I wonder if I will get the attention I crave and need, or did this poly stuff just flip my world upside down and nothing will be the same again. I worry that He won’t want to sleep with me anymore, cuz maybe any other woman is prettier than me, sexier than me, can fuck Him better than me. 

Will we still make plans together, to go eat, movies, road trips, family time, holidays… Or did any anonymous woman He comes across just take my time with Him. How special will I be? What if she’s a slave or a babygirl, and He’s happier with her? All things that make my heart sink in my chest. Make me chew on my nails. Make me want to hide from the world. I have good reason to be afraid. I’ve been hurt before. I’ve been cheated on so many times. How will this be different? 

I need Him to really hear me right now. I am crying out into the wind. I want my Master to be happy, I want to be happy, is that possible? What if it goes right after we sort out details and find what will work for us. What if it goes horribly wrong. Will He stop poly and pick our relationship? Or will He just let me go ,be a shattered mess that can’t feel anymore since I would be so numb. 

I am asking Him to meet me in the middle here. Hear my plea, but do talk also. I need your words My sweet Master. I need to know you’ve thought about it all, you have a contingency plan ready to go. I am asking for a sign, since I’ve put my life before you. You are a huge part of my world. This includes my children too. I should be allowed a sign, that shows me you’re not going anywhere, I’m the slave,woman, babygirl you want forever. Remind me frequently until it’s an automatic thought in my head. Worry about me, worry about this going well so I don’t have to be afraid. Worry about the things I’m worried about so I know you hear me Sir, so I know you get it. 

I do need a sign. Make sure you still make plans with me. Things stay the same with us. We are close as ever. That the future is on your mind and it’s ours, not any other females. That you will keep your word and let me bond with ‘B’. I am so looking forward to a future with you and ‘R’ and ‘B’. I want to bond. It would be the greatest gift you could give me. It would show me I matter to you. It would help me to feel connected to you. It would help me with other obstacles that are in the way too. I need to know I’m valued more than any woman alive. 

I’m scared right now. How will this change things. How will it change us. I can’t stop thinking. I know we want threesomes too. I want to be at peace, but inside I’m at war, I’m out of my comfort zone. See, I don’t have a problem with the sex part. But I don’t want Him to bond, connect,laugh with,kiss, caress, help, be transparent with any other female except me.