A moment of silence

I needed a moment of silence, to clear my thoughts, concentrate on whats important here. 

What’s important? Well, I am first and foremost His slave. I will find a way to be of use at this time. I will grieve but not let it stop me. That’s not what He would want. He would want us to not stuff our feelings, but also not let it stop our life. Balance.

Emotions are a tricky thing. We tend to not let go of them, let them control us. 

How will I do my day in His absence… Like I always do. Kids will have their list of chores to get done. I will be at work. I will find out what my Master needs from me, and get it done quickly as I can. Be His strength right now. He will need me in this very rough time. I know my place. By His side. 

I will fight my inner urge to stay in bed and be depressed, as it will not help anyone right now. And at some point He will bring it up and I would have to pay for that. This is not the time to push my own agenda. 

Doesn’t all of this affect me to? Of course it does, I’m only human. But perspective is key. As I needed to talk to a friend of mine, she’s a wonderful slave, she gave me that moment, and then put things in perspective for me. She walked me thru some things, showed me the slave that I am. What really matters here. I love her dearly, as most don’t know the life of a slave. 

There are no books written,’how a slaves to behave in the face of tragedy’.  If you’re a slave have some slave friends, so when you go thru the hardest time of your life,you can draw on their strength to renew your own. I have needed her so much. In the one small moment she helped me! I’m so grateful.

I have some great friends, but they are not slaves, that was obvious. I have been confused with Him not right here to guide me, comfort me, give me strength. Yet, I know deep down He will need me to be fine right now, His plate is so full. We will get thru this to, together. Be stronger than ever. 

It will take lots of time to move on from this. It has been horrific. One thing will always remain our love for each other, and our children. 
My Master has my heart, He knows that. I’m His forever 💓
I love you Daddy. Now, more than ever!

As I take this moment of silence, I realize it’s really happening, it wasn’t a bad dream, it’s completely real. I didn’t get to say goodbye to her. She was just gone. Now to get Him back on track to. 
Life finds a way.. 

He’s a worthy King indeed

How in the world,in our lifestyle can you tell when one has earned the title, ‘King’?

First of all, I’m not new. Any man in the lifestyle, that refers to himself as royalty, is usually one I don’t give the time of day to, never have. A dominant should exude confidence, not arrogance. There’s a huge difference. 

The dominant who can juggle all aspects of His life (work,family,play) has my respect. Pay attention to the wording, I said juggle , not has all the answers. He’s still human. 

If He is kind to children, and animals, except snakes hates those. Can He be gallant? We all know that men want a lady on their arm in public, and a freak in the sheets. No problem there. But I want the same from my dominant. Will He be the gentleman who opens the car door, and grabs my ass too?! He does!

I want a man who worries about me, will be funny and silly with me. Who can make it a night of bdsm, or just something sexy and hot, Both make me cum, it’s about effort. Can He cook? Cuz I will clean. When I’m sick, am I a priority.

I see Him, as He is. He’s strong, but He needs a woman by His side with strength too, a partner in His life. Someone He can talk to, share His secrets with and knows that no one will ever hear it. 

He needs to know that she has His back. That she’s close to Him, clings to Him but that they can go there own ways and still be 100% committed. She His ‘ ride or die’, cuz He would be hers if He has to. Care for Him when He’s sick. His goals are her goals, and vice versa. He can make someone else a priority at times, she doesn’t blink, she knows it’s for the moment. 

She can tell when He just needs some time to Himself, she doesn’t take it personal, but pushes Him to rest and put Himself first every now and then. They make their relationship a priority, but know it takes both to work at it. Any holidays and she will go pick a gift, she knows He has more important things to do. 

If He’s off with friends, family, or His club she knows she is still on His mind. And He’s on hers!

He makes her talk so He knows what’s on her mind, what she’s stressing about. He wants to guide her, encourage her, help her. They are always there for each other.

They know the goals they have set for themselves,kids, etc… And they both work together as a team. When one succeeds, they both do! 

This is how I know He’s my king. He never insisted I call Him that, He’s to humble. But He deserves the title, it’s been earned a million times over. 

When I look at Him, really look. I see a man with lots of friends, family, and His club but still really lonely. My job is to fill that void, to become everything He needs. Be His partner, His lover, His babygirl, His slave. Cuz I’m just like Him! We have all the stuff ( job, family, friends, kids) but to grow old with someone, cherish the love they give you, take care of their heart. Then you have found someone worthy , someone who should be treated like a king, called ‘ My King’. For He is everything to me! 

How did He know…

One thing I’m not is a great communicator. I can write, text, but talk… Not really. I’m just not a big talker. 

Even though I’m like this, He makes me talk. It’s been a long road together, He says “what’s wrong?”, ” What’s on your mind?” Sometimes, honestly I’m not ready to talk, or I’m trying to figure out on my own thoughts ,if this is a big deal or not, what made me change? However, if He’s nearby He notices right away and wants me back to my happy self. I’m usually thinking, ‘ please give me a minute’. With Him, there are no minutes, it’s now. Wow, that’s hard. I have to quickly figure out what changed, why it changed. Some things in my head make no sense to me, so why share them. But I had no idea He was at work! Within me! He knows the abuse I suffered with my ex, thru my childhood. I didn’t even know He was paying attention. He’s been helping me this whole time. Wow. I respect Him so much for that, which adds to the love I feel for Him.

I can’t see the bigger picture here. I never do. Where I think I’m doing fine, He is trying to do His job as my Master. To be perfectly honest, no one before Him ever gave a shit that I was so quiet. In fact, I was judging my exes and past Dom’s for that, now that I think about it. It’s really the reason I knew it was never going to work with any of them. They only wanted sex, not the real me. How can you base any relationship on just sex, not even great sex. Well it wasn’t for me. Daddy will tell me it’s ok if I cared for them, or loved them ,it’s in the past. But to me those feelings weren’t there. I didn’t respect them, they didn’t respect me. I didn’t love them, none treated me with love. They cheated on me, I was crushed one more time and thinking there was something wrong with me. So, how could I ever love any of them. Love is something that I’ve been searching for , and didn’t seem to find. I didn’t tell these men that I loved them, it would have been a lie. I slightly cared about a few, but I knew in my heart it was nothing that was going to last forever. How did I know? I didn’t think about them all day, I didn’t miss them, barely texted, never called them. I didn’t even take any pics with them.  All of these things were different with Daddy! I know myself, I’m real with myself. I hope Daddy understands this better. 

I love sex, but if you can really reach me on a personal level, most haven’t, then what’s the point of having them in my life. I never understood how any of them thought I was enjoying the relationship. They knew nothing about me, nor cared to learn. What’s my favorite color, car, movie,etc… Daddy knows these answers! 

Right off the bat, my Daddy was different. He’s fun, adventurous, and expected me to talk. Now I was alert, omg, I have to talk finally. This has been so different, scary even. What if He doesn’t like what I have to say, or how I think. This kind of connection with Him made things very different between us from the start, and the sex has been mind blowing for me. I even have my orgasms back! I am multi orgasmic, always have been. But once I was married it disappeared in the first few months. Neither separation, nor divorce, or dating brought it back. But this one morning with Daddy OMG! It just happened! He stopped what He was doing, looked at me and said, ” Are you ok? What was that?” I politely smiled at Him, let Him know I was fine and that I’m multi orgasmic and hadn’t done that in a very loooooong time. It was true! I didn’t think I could do that anymore. I remember after Daddy left that morning, thinking to myself, ” I’m back, I’m me again!” I was hooked. I had no idea how this man brought that out in me again, but something was different and I was on a quest to figure it out. 

2 years later, I still can’t tell you why or how my body responds to Him, it just does! And damn it feels good! He loves it! I’m truly with the right person. I get to be with Him forever, I think my body enjoys that as well. Life is Good! And this is exactly how I judge men from my past. 

Here’s to us

As we began this journey ahead of us, I can’t help but notice everything is about to change again. I’m very excited, I’m ready.  I know you will push me to change, to grow, to learn all ways to please you. And you know I’m fine as long as you feed me bbq.

Everyday will be us ,Together in this thing called life. Learning more about each other , more than we have the last few years. 

I fear I will never be all that you want or need. I’m just not enough, but you’re still standing here. You try to tell me I am, but I don’t listen very well at times. Then the other night when you told me why you love me, why you picked me, how much I matter to you. It was beautiful, I was just blown away. No one has ever loved me so much. Thank you❤️

Recently, we toasted, to us. I felt something I hadn’t before.  Like my life is right where it should. I felt happy, peaceful. Sex was beyond perfect, omg!! Laughing together like I do with friends, I realize you really are my best friend, my lover, my Daddy, my Master, my King, Everything I need all rolled into one!

I wonder what the future holds. How many years we get? I’m thankful for each day with you. I’m happy to be taking this step with you. I honestly never saw you coming. I start to think to myself of all we’ve gone thru these 2 years. Honestly, if we hadn’t taken our time to grow together most of this crap could have torn us apart. I’m truly glad that we went slow, and now look at us! Going thru some very stressful stuff and as we needed a moment to take it all in, and process. Once the dust settled, look at us! Standing here, side by side, stronger than ever!  

All that we will go thru as we spend our lives together. I’m excited to see our family grow together.  As we raise the kids, have time together,making memories . Life can only be summed up in one word:

Happiness

Do I want these things?

As Daddy and I were recently talking ,He wondered if I wanted these things:

I’ll admit when I got married the first time I  didn’t get most of these things. No ring, no beautiful wedding, no honeymoon. But I also didn’t get married for love. Things with Daddy are much different, I took my time to make sure He is the person I really wanted in my life. I didn’t rush into anything. I do want a future with Him. Question is, do I really need all those things, or just exist peacefully under the same roof with the man I love and that would be enough?

I gotta say, I never saw myself getting married again. But the idea of marrying someone who loves me, wants me in their life for more than just sex is wonderful! We have tons in common. I want to serve Him. I love our family. We just fit together perfectly. It works so well without the ring,wedding, marriage now…

Ahh , but the romantic in my soul sees all the things I’ve never had and wants them! As long as He does! It would be nice to have something wonderful with Him, as long as He feels the same way!

So there’s your answer Daddy❤️

Never easy, but always worth it!

As I talk to a friend of mine today, she’s excited about her new Dom. I’m excited for her. She’s got her new rules! Knows what he wants and expects from her, she’s happy as a clam! That’s great!

She did ask me if that happiness ever wears off? That’s a tricky one to answer. If it’s the right Dom for you, then no. If he’s not, then it will be short lived. I gave her honesty, it’s best to swallow that pill now.

Shes asking me a ton of questions. She’s so happy! She wants to know why she feels like a school girl. Dominants give us a gift. The gift of freedom! The gift of being our true self. The gift of service to them. He could have picked any female for this job, but it’s mine! It comes with no paycheck, no vacation time, but the perks are plenty!

Freedom just from Him taking over your life! How’s that possible? It’s hard to explain to the vanilla world, but those of us who get it, it’s the most wonderful feeling any submissive, man or woman, can have. My choices are what He allows. I go places, only He allows. I meet up with friends, only He allows. I eat, only what He allows. I drink, only when He allows. I dress how He allows. I cum, only when He allows. I speak, only when He allows. I serve, All the time! I am actually serving in each example listed, by obeying Him. It’s an easy concept, but delivery can be hard as fuck somedays. 

I shall be her support on days when she’s tired of giving, and doing. Forgets why this was such a wonderful life. Trust me, you have those days. But we always get back on track, a great Master knows your human. That you might need a moment to just be you. They watch, observe, and then help you get back to being submissive you, it’s never forced. If it was forced you’d never find joy in it.

Vanilla people serve too. A wife who makes dinner, cleans the home, does laundry, chauffeurs the kids, is her man’s support. Umm hello that’s serving! 

My life is happy! I can understand my friends happiness, because my life rocks too! I have the love of a wonderful man, who’s also my Master. He’s my Daddy, my King, the only man who owns my heart and soul. But He’s also my friend, the one I go to when I’m falling apart, He listens then points out how to find what I’m looking for, makes me laugh! He sings to me! I love our conversations, ok when they aren’t about me being blonde. Yeah, I said it! I won’t remember it in 30 seconds! He encourages me, helps me, believes in me, wants me. I have the most amazing life! Of course we all have our good days and bad days. Make sure the good out number the bad. 

What about Him? Does He feel your love in word and deed? Hopefully so. Does He always want to be in charge? He was born dominant, as I’m born submissive. But He will have good days and bad, He’s human as well. Don’t be so selfish as to think you are the only one who has needs here, they are just different from His own. Men need to feel loved, cherished, women need to feel wanted. Always give your best to your dominant, the rate of return is great. This is where vanilla people get lost. When you communicate, on the same page, roles identified, rules established you can’t help but feel safe, happy. It’s all spelled out before you. You know what’s expected, what will happen, how it will happen. There are no grey areas. But if something is not clear, just ask , your dominant wants you to understand. You won’t be set up to fail, ever. This concept is most definitely lost on vanilla people. 

So, what did we learn today? Lifestyle is pretty easy, we make it harder than it is, we will have some challenges, but it’s always worth it! Live with no (regerts)!!! Yeah I did that on purpose, not cuz I’m blonde, but I am blonde, but cuz  it’s funny. I think I’m funny, Daddy doesn’t! But I am!  Oh forget it!