It all started 4 years ago, I finally separated from the man who became my biggest enemy, but that was actually years in the making. There were a lot of problems, children were stuck in the middle. I wasn’t innocent on my part, but nor did I deserve the abuse that came out of it. He was the cheater, I wasn’t. We were separated during our marriage for a while, I dated someone else and became pregnant. He did use this time of my life to tell anyone who would listen ,that he was the victim, I had hurt him deeply and now he had to raise my child. Such bullshit. The shit that went on that no one knew was worse. He was not the victim, he was not innocent. He had more activity going on ghe I care to think about ever again, we were not separated for most of it.
I have tried to fight my hardest to come back from all of this crap. Since separation and after divorce, life was not easy for me. Since my ex refused to pay any court ordered money, I worked 4 jobs. By 5a.m. I was cleaning homes til afternoon, come home school my lids, they learn at home due to health problems and special needs. By 5pm I was out the door to job #2, working in an adult shop. I was there til 10pm and get home just in time to change for job #3. Talk about being tired. I couldn’t think about it, I just had to keep going. Job #3 and #4 were about adult entertainment, so working in the adult shop did help bring me clients. Since the owner was laid back, didn’t care how I brought people in, well I used my babygirl side like never before. I dated off and on, but really there was no one that just made me feel like ‘ this is the one’.
Once I got through court, and helped the judge see I was working my hardest and my piece of shit ex didn’t help with anything, it was easy to win the court over. They noticed who really was the victim here, it sure as fuck wasn’t him.
Let’s back up just a bit. As my court case was just getting started in spring of 2014, I met this guy. He was smart, funny, incredible. He talked to me like I was a person, dominant yes, but he never crossed that line. It seemed promising, only I had no way to tell him I just started a court case, my ex has threatened me and now my kids lives are falling apart, especially my youngest. This child just went off the deep end. Now how do you tell a Dom this kind of thing. I don’t invite drama into my life, it can find me though. How do I bring him into my life. I had no answers but it seemed like a good time to just let him know I couldn’t continue getting to know him, since my life was falling apart. I hated doing that to him. I really liked him.
The old saying, ‘if you love something, set it free. If it was meant to be ,it will come back to you’. Ok, I wasn’t in love, but I did like him. I just thought he deserved better then a girl who felt fucked up ,my life still doesn’t show me the light at the end of the tunnel. And how could I be a good slave when I couldn’t even run my own life right now. Granted, I know my life works better with rules, structure, discipline, and someone’s guiding hand. I figured this was to much to ask from a guy I just barely met, a Dom. So, I did the ultimate thing, and told him I had to go. My life was falling apart and I needed time to get it together. He kept messaging me, but I didn’t message back. Now I’m assuming he was only interested in me, I never knew, but that was neither here nor there for me.
Back to the present. About 6 1/2 months ago, I’m back online maybe about 4 days. There are many curious males wanting my attention, when who should message me… omg… it’s Him. It’s the one I left a year ago. How on earth did He remember me? I don’t see myself as memorable. A fun, wild, naughty babygirl ,yes. But how did He remember me. The moment I saw His message, I knew I had to message back. I did as quickly as I could. Turns out that He didn’t remember me, I wasn’t shocked, but I remembered Him. We kept talking all that day. Then the next. And the next. He was as exciting as I remembered from the year before. Only this time my life was much more together. I felt ready for having someone in my life. I could hardly wait to meet Him. Once we did, I was hooked. There was this connection immediately that I had never had with anyone before. No, it was more than sex. That first time He pulled me in close, I wanted to do that again. The first time He kissed me, He took my breath away, my thought was ‘ if this would be the last kiss I ever had, and I die right now, I would have no regrets’.
That was just the first time face to face.
Since that day, it has just gotten better and better. Of course every couple has issues, we do too, but they have gotten easier to deal with, the upside is most of our issues are gone. They did show us how strong we are. That we are still standing. And when I felt like the pressure from those obstacles was to much for me, I tried to leave but I just couldn’t. I would rather suffer through, then miss Him. When He’s gone for to long it actually hurts. My body just has this way of telling me that I need Him. I don’t want to be seen as the clingy girlfriend, but fuck I love this man. My Dom, my Daddy, my Master. I crave to serve Him.
After months together now, these feelings stayed so strong. Things are incredible, and going do good. He started to push, since I’m not new I know exactly what the push is about. My Daddy see’s our potential, where this can go. It is up to Him to push and lead us, my job to follow and give my best. He knows when I’m processing and let me get there to where He is. He does know magic words like, ‘ I’m not sure if you are ready’. That’s when the frenzy starts in me, I’m a fighter and highly competitive, say something like that and it’s on. But yet He still see’s my weak spots, how far I’ve come, and where we will go!
Recently, I felt this shift, or a change of some sort. I have been processing. I wake up, I’m happy. I go to sleep, I’m happy. Life does as it does, I’m happy. I am right where I want/need to be in my life. I feel great. I am with the Dom I always needed to be with. Now, upon reading this will He punish me for turning my back on Him a year ago, I don’t think so. I think He trusts that I knew the slave in me could not give Him what He desired at that time. But I can now. I cherish every moment. I wake up, saying ‘ thank you’. The man I had to let out of my life a year ago came back to me. That is a rare thing. How on earth did that happen. I know I don’t need to question, but I do need to let Him know , every chance I get. Just how much He means to me, how proud I am that He’s my Dom, my Daddy, my Master. Just how much I adore and love Him. That gets stronger the longer we are ttogether. I never want to take Him for granted. I do want to be His as long as I can be. I want to always date Him no matter what is in store for us. Keep pursuing the man I want to stay! My philosophy.
I hope it won’t ♡